Kanda wants YOUR opinion
by ExorcistYuuKanda
Summary: I'm Kanda. Can't you see my name, baka? I finished my report. No, seriously, read the new chapter. I am doomed.
1. Yaoi

Fangirl's of the internet,

I am Kanda. I'm an exorcist. You are probably wondering what I am doing here, rather then being on a mission. I can answer that quite simply.

Idiot Komui wants me to write a report on something as 'homework', which I don't really understand. I told him I didn't want too, because I didn't feel like it. He said I have to, and to look on the 'internet' for a topic, otherwise he would keep me off missions.

And so now I have to write. I even threatened him. I wanted to spear his torso to the wall, but Lenalee stopped me. (I can't attack her, she's a woman.)

Anyhow, I know all you idiots out there are still wondering about relevance. Well, you see, I happen to know about a little thing called 'Yaoi'. Most of its involving me and that Moyashi, me and that stupid rabbit, me and that Noah guy, you know, the one with the butterflies (I don't know where that one came from). His name escapes me. It's an awkward name.

I'm sick of it, you bastards. Can't you see I'm straight? Is that too hard for you to comprehend?! I'll slice you all up with my Mugen!!

I just want to know why you like Yaoi so much… and why Im always in there, somewhere. (Sometimes, Im watching, not even doing anything! Are you guys sick or something?! I have better things to do in my spare time!)

Tell me what you think about Yaoi so I can write it in this report that Im not really paying attention too. I suppose you would have to press that 'Review' button, then.

I'll answer back to any comments left in my next segment. Oh, and don't use your stupid internet language. I cant understand that. I will maim you if you do.

Im warning you, I'll destroy anyone who says anything about me being gay!!

From Kanda.

PS: Can someone tell me why people keep saying I'm a girl?!


	2. Fanfiction?

* * *

A/N: --------------------------

Dear Fangirls OF the internet! (Because someone said it should be 'on' the internet. No, because Fan girls _are _the internet (According to Lavi, at least. Who is a pervert.))

I have been informed that this is not Fanfiction. Which it isn't. So, to amuse you, I have written a fanfiction so that I am not breaking any rules, and so that I can continue the report. Screw you guys.

Consider this as a really short piece of writing. The rest is a very long Authors Note.

* * *

I get to kill Allen Walker.

I was walking down a corridor when I noticed something hideous and cursed staring back at me. It was that little brat, Allen Walker, who had nothing better to do in his time but pick fights with me. Of course, he could never win, because he is softhearted and his comebacks suck.

"What do you want, Moyashi?" I spat, glaring at him with one of my famous glares. I always reserved the best for him.

"Nothing." He sniffed. What a lame conversation. However, because he is a baka and a Moyashi and a boy who lives to 'save Akuma' (he misses the point of being an exorcist entirely) he decides to keep the conversation up.

"Yuu-chan-"

Now he has made me mad, and I can feel myself unsheathing my sword. He can't call _me _by my first name!! Im going to kill him! I will mutilate his face beyond recognition!! I swear, since the day I had first laid my eyes upon his puny frame, I have hated him. And now it was time to unleash all my anger out upon this sorry excuse for a man!!

"You… you absolute bastard!!" I growl, leaping at him with Mugen in my hand. He cannot dodge fast enough, and I pin him through his shoulder. He gasped in pain, and looked me straight in the face with big, watery eyes.

"It hurts!" He said.

"Good." I hissed. "That's the point."

We looked at each other evenly for a moment. He was about to say something, but then he closed his mouth and looked downwards. _Tell me you love me, you bastard, and I will kill you on the spot. _I do not do sad love scenes like this (because this is not Yaoi and because I hate him), so I flung him to the floor heavily where he slowly righted himself to stare at me. I swear, I wanted to wipe that pathetic look off of his face.

"Don't ever call me Yuu!"

"But it's your name!!" He insisted, hand over the wound. "But- AGGHH!!" I put my sword squarely through that cursed pentacle of his on his head, and withdrew it.

I watched. It was quite beautiful, the blood, the fire flickering out in his eyes, the sound off his gasping. I enjoyed _every second _of it, watching him collapse in a bloody puddle.

And with that, I turned and walked down the corridor, leaving him behind.

Moyashi's point of view: (I pretend to be Allen.)

He looked so cool with his sword, and so calm, and I loved his hair, and I wish I was him, because I suck. But I wasn't. I was just some pathetic orphan boy with an ugly scar, a mutated arm and some weird eye thing that made me better than anyone else. Also, I love Lenalee.

He asked me what I wanted in his super refined voice, and me with my dorky excuse for an voice said 'nothing'. I didn't have the courage to say anything else in his awesome presence.

So then I decided to be a bastard and a dipshit and a douchebag and I said:

"Yuu-chan-"

He had some sort of murderous look on that made him look even more manly than before and not at all girly. I knew he was going to do something bad, but my small brain couldn't comprehend the fact that he was going to stab me.

And also, I'm a Moyashi.

He swore at me, and then pinned me to the wall with his beautiful blade, Mugen, which is super powerful and is quite sexy. I told him 'It hurts!' but he didn't care. He then shouted: "Don't ever call me Yuu!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Because of my super-eye, gigantic arm and because I am the main character, I can do what I want, right? Well, not according to him I couldn't. It's his name! It's _your _name!! He still wasn't listening, because my voice was really high pitched and he couldn't hear my pathetic words.

Then everything went black as the sword came towards my face…

The end.

Next chapter: How I kill Lavi!

* * *

AN: -----------------------------------

Don't you see how good I am at mimicking Moyashi's thoughts?

If I get to do another chapter (before I get kicked off of this website. I have a feeling its going to happen, though I am trying not to break the rules), I'll kill Lavi as well. This makes me feel happy. (Of course, I wouldn't personally kill that brat… unless he mad me VERY mad.) Also, I got lazy at the end. Sue me.

Now, back to the important matter…

Che, you guys really must have very sad lives. If you guys all became asexual, then everything would be better, ne? Now, I promised. I will answer every one. Komui is happy. He said I'm becoming a people person (I am going to kill him later.) So, lets begin with these 'reviews'.

* * *

1. E. R. Burke:

Alright, Kanda. I'm the neutral party here. I'm neither for or against the world of Yaoi. Just so you know.  
I think the main reason you're in the yaoi pairings is that, no offense, you're an easy target for it. You're strong, attractive, and you have a shell. That's what writers like to use. Don't ask me why. And why Yaoi? Well, people like it. It only really makes sense, doesn't it? People like you, and yaoi, therefore... I think you get the picture.  
As for the other thing... well, everybody I know has mistaken you for a female... I'm pretty sure it's the way you wear your hair. You actually look far more masculine with your hair down for some reason, though it defies my logic.  
Good luck with the report.

-People like me. I don't like them. At least I've found someone that's sitting on the fence.

…What? How am I an easy target? I likethe fact you are neutral, but compliments are a shallow form of ass licking. And if I have my hair down, it might get tangled. Do you know how much of my god forsaken time I spend cleaning my hair to make it look like this?!

And all your friends must be brain-dead for mistaking me for a girl. Maybe they should say it to my face?! (If they were girls, I couldn't hit them, however. I don't hit girls unless they are the enemy, In which case I would beat their brains out.)

I need all the luck I can get.

* * *

2. ScarredWitch: 

Haha, I'll give you my view on it.  
I'm a moderate -man Yaoi reader, and I only read it for reference for my own mixed-genre stories; you know, to get some ideas (don't point Mugen at me, they're boy x girl stories).  
Well, from reading all these stories, I have to say that Yaoi fans (which are mostly girls) like Yaoi because they go weak at the knees when they see two, VERY attractive guys in love with each other (laughs).  
And, well, I'd hate to say this as a fan of yours, but you'd be an ideal character in a Yaoi story. You're very strong, quick-tempered (yes, your temper is shorter than Allen, in case you're denying it!); you are attractive, and you're aloof; you tend to push people away, even those who care about you, (I'm not going to say anything about it; it's you're choice).  
So, when people cross you, and yaoi, the result is the mass death of Yaoi fans by nose bleeding (laughs, again).  
Lastly, (I know, this review is long, but hey, you wanted answers!), people seem to think you're a girl because of three reasons: ONE: Because of your ponytail. I know it's a Japanese style, but mostly females wear their hair in a similar manner. Chances are, these people will notice that you're a guy. TWO: It's because of the first reason but these people have terrible eyesight and need to see their eye doctor. Finally, THREE: There are fan fiction writers who're probably doing a gender-twist in their stories so that it won't be a Yaoi story. Again, they probably change you as a girl because of the hair!  
Well, that was a long review. I have a question for YOU, but I'm going to wait for my reply. Sayonara!  
The Scarred Witch

-I DON'T HAVE A SHORT TEMPER, YOU BASTARD!! And _don't _compare me to the Moyashi, that's the ultimate insult in my books. Ah, so females like stories involving other men because they get nose-bleeds? Where is the logic in that? I don't want people to care about me either, I _hate people who care too much._

A lot of people think my hair is very girly (even thought you have pointed out its traditional). Stupid western world, why don't you come over to my half of the earth and see how your weird hair-cuts fair, hm?! Yes, these people must see a doctor before I personally gouge out their eye's myself with Mugen! (And yes, Mugen is pointed at you. I point it where I want to, its my sword. Deal with it!)

However I admire the fact that you write girl x boy stories. I bet its all Moyashi and Lenalee. Urggghh… but people seriously like it when hot guys fall in love? How do they even _engage _in love?

Oh, you have a question for me? Since when did you have permission to ask questions? Go on then, baka, I await it eagerly.

* * *

3. Kitten. dream:

I hate that 'Yaoi' thing as well.  
The only people in -Man that could possibly be gay are Lavi or Tiki Mikk.  
Allen obviously likes Lenalee, and Kanda likes no one...

-I am _nearly _laughing right now. You are right about Lavi. He is just to hyper and loud to not be gay. Plus he's an idiot. Plus he can't fight at all. Tiki Mikk is the butterflies Noah guy, right? He's a creep. I would like to hurt him severely one day, so severely he cant come back from the dead. You are also right about the fact that Moyashi likes Lenalee. He's too much of a looser for her, though.

Hah! Another not liking Yaoi.

* * *

4. Sakune: 

well once upon a time I hate yaoi I always said that yaoi was horrible and that stuff (please don't kill me fangirls of the yaoi) but one day I descovered you and all d gray man's characters and also I meet a friend that show me many pictures of yaoi but I still don't like it. (ahh for these you have to know that I was in love with kanda) I was getting courios about that of the yaoi and in youtube all the videos and in fanfiction all de stories where yaoi you and allen, you and lavi, you and tikky, and incredibly you with corss komui etc. so I get very courios and i started to watch le famille (a doujinshi of kanda and lavi)so I started to watch but in the scenes where you and lavi did m how can I put it m... perverted things I put my hand to not see but I started to saw it too many times that I get fan and I can tell you that I like it beacuse it's cute, adorable and I don't know how to describe it it have somthing that said wow I really like it and you can't get the eyes off you kanda look very wonderfull that fits you very well I see you like you are vurenable and I don't know it's only that represents something that many people would say ugu that horrible or something but when you see it not only the cover but all the situation you rwally said how cute (explanation : i'm not gay (i'm a woman and i like boys))  
for the other question :kanda they confuse you with a girl beacuse of the hair don'y cut it they said that beacuse they are blind

-… I think Im going to be sick. ME AND KOMUI. ME AND CROSS. Where do these people come from?! I am personally going to find their locations on a map and then hunt them down!! Che!!

And me and Lavi doing perverted things?! I swear, when I find this 'Doujinshi'…

… Also, do you have an obsession with me or something? That's just freaky, get a grip on yourself. Stop it, and revert back to your non-yaoi liking days. Compliments get a dagger in the back when no-one is watching. However, I see your point about my hair. These people are blind. And also, they are morons!! Do I sound like a woman?! I wont be cutting it any time soon. They will just have to learn to deal with it or die.

* * *

5. IceNin55: 

See, the thing is, you LOOK like a woman. Appearence wise. Long hair, feminine face, mysterious bandages on chest... But that's not really the point. The point is that I think people read/write yaoi because they watch the show and take things too literally. Like Kanda/Lavi - can't two guys be just friends anymore?

-Do women usually have bandages on their chests? Because I'm quite sure they don't. FEMININE FACE?! I think my face is manly! I mean, how many woman have eyes like mine?! (In fact, don't answer that.) People need to get lives and realise that we are all… '_friends_' (I say the term very loosely). Yes, we should all just be '_friends'_, that way people don't get paranoid about people thinking dirty thoughts about them. Or they can leave me the heck alone.

I'm sure you are a non-yaoi fan. Arigato for having a brain.

* * *

6. Timcanpy:

as a girl, i hate most girls.  
as a boy, i want to be gay. i'm serious!  
as for yaoi, it's the same as the genders. I don't like all yaoi though...  
as for you Kanda, I never thought of you as a girl! Ever since I met Yuu-chan, I really thought of Yuu as a guy. I get really angry when people thought you were a girl. Even my friends.

also, your very first part of your report should say, "Fangirls on the Internet"  
if you say 'of' then we ARE the internet.  
not that i'm offending you... it just bothers me...

by the way, your report is really silly!

-…TIMCANPY?! Since when did you talk!! Or write!! What?!

_You _are the one who corrected me at the beginning. Is Moyashi putting you up to this, baka? I want to know!! And what, you want to be gay?! I'm glad you stick up for me, even though I don't need it, but seriously, don't make me look bad, or I'll maim you.

It bothers you?! Go tell your feeble excuse for a master that his existence bothers _me_!! And yes, I know this report is 'silly'. Don't you mean STUPID?! But it's good you don't like Yaoi. The tide is turning.

* * *

-7. Vicky the Vampire:

The reason why girls like yaoi is cuz my friend says that guy and guy is hot. I know crazy but I'm on both sides of liking and disliking. I find it cute. :3 But any way as long as you know your straight ignore it and let peoples imaginacion run wild! xD And about the mistaking you for a girl is because of your long hair. But to me you dont look like a girl.

-Well your friend is clearly an idiot. Don't follow her, because that also makes you and idiot as well. You are on both sides? And what is ':3'? A three? And this: 'xD'?! Your words confuse me.

I _know _I am straight, try telling all these other people. Its disturbing to find people talking about you on the internet. THE HAIR AGAIN. You guys need to come to Japan. You wont last a minute there with all the long haired people!! However Im glad to see that you don't mistake me as being any other gender. _Good. _Keep it that.

* * *

-8. Kiete:

Dear God. I have no idea why I'm doing this, other than I'm bored, but here goes.

First of all, Kanda, you need to clean up your language. Not that I'm saying you're cursing too much, but you seem to be lacking a grammatical tool we like to call apostrophes. They look like this -- ' and are usually used in those handy little words like "I'm" and "can't" and "it's" and stuff like that. Other than that, your writing is pretty good. I guess Komui would be mildly pleased with it. C:

Second. You're asking us why we like yaoi? I guess most of us don't really have a reason, other than there aren't enough decent girls in DGM to go around, so we just have to pair the guys with other hot guys. And Jesus, tell me about it. I gag at the amount of Yullen on this site. It makes me sick, I swear, and I'd much rather see you with Tyki. ;D Or Lavi, but that's stretching it a bit.

As a completely unrelated point, I have to admit. You think you're straight, don't you? But, as a friend of mine once pointed out, everyone's a little gay inside. I mean, seriously. If you're watching **, you don't want some hot guy to be banging an ugly girl. You want the girl to be hot too [and I say this from a female point-of-view]! I myself have come realize that there's nothing wrong with being bisexual — so you should man it up and figure out who you really are. xDD

Awright. Last bit, I promise, and then I'll stop making this a ridiculously long review and leave you to that report. Personally, I think yaoi is hot. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a little guy on guy action now and then? 'Sides, I think many of my decidedly straight guy friends have told me, there's nothing hotter than girl on girl action. So why can't we be the same way?

I think I'm done wasting time. Hope I could be of some help to you. C:

-This 'Word Pad' programme which I wrote this on doesn't understand the difference between a little dash and no dash. Komui should be impressed, because I'm working my ass off for him. (Can you see the little 'apostrophes'? Im trying. I need to get a better program, but you see, I can't use a computer properly.)

I think that Lenalee and Miranda and… the others are ok. I don't like them, but others do. 'Yullen'?! Meaning… me and _ALLEN?!?!!?!?_ ARRGGGG THAT IS THE WORST PAIRING EVER!! I'm glad you don't like it, I think that is a disgrace to nature. However, me and Tyki isn't much better. OK. LAVI. I would crush him like a bug. (And I'm going to, when I stop writing this.)

Everyone _except me _is a little gay inside. Wow, you are very to-the-point, aren't you? Isn't it in fact that someone you think is ugly, someone else perceives as beautiful? Think about that. And I know what I am. Straight. Or, even better, asexual.

You like Yaoi, eh? Che, I figured by your previous comments. I don't enjoy a little guy on guy action, unless its fighting, and I'm winning. Your friends are perverts. How old are they?! They must be companion's of Lavi's to be thinking of that.

I commend you for your long reply. I had 'fun' reading it. (You are _so close _to being on my list.)

* * *

9. SilentKiller1:

yaoi is just awsome for girls to dream about. and wats so bad with internet language? LOL! ur funny.  
i thought someone who says they are not gay a number of times is just in denial?  
you have long hair oh mighty smartone, thats why

-Your name interests me. I bet I could take you out in seconds, 'Silent Killer'. '

Girls must have nothing to do in their spare time, then. 'Lol'? What is 'Lol'?! 'UR'?! Please speak English, so that respectable people (me) can understand. I know I don't have brilliant skills at writing, but I do try to look intelligent.

No, idiots who do that are in denial. And I am no idiot, baka. And yet another thing about my hair?! My hair is the right length, the right shade, perfect!! Be quiet! Also, you wont think I'm so funny when I'm gutting you from head to toe.

* * *

10. ScarletFirez

Yaoi is...hot. Spicy hot. For us fangirls, its hot to see YOU making out with Allen. And Lavi. And that Noah guy with the butterflies. (His name is TYKI! and its not awkward) So, umm yeah. I used to hate yaoi, but now, I can't get enough of it. :D

Because dear Kanda yuu, you have long girly hair. But its okay. Everyone stills love you/yuu!

-ME?!?!? MOYASHI?!?!? God, _get a life. _I will NEVER EVER be able to even sit on a bed with him, let alone be together in one!! And no, I am sick of Lavi. He is loud, annoying , and I think he has a hair fetish. So I don't want him near me.

Tyki is awkward. Is it 'Tee-kee', or 'Tie-kee', or 'Tih-ki'? I shall never know. And no, he is older than me, and is also the enemy. I want to kill him as quickly as possible to make sure us two never happen. And also, many people seem to be converting. You should have stayed neutral, because now you do realise your obsessed with guys that are _never going to be together? _

My hair is not GIRLY!! Its how it should be!! And your pun is very clever. How long did it take you to work out? Also I don't want people loving me. Tell them to leave me the heck alone.

* * *

11. kenzigirl:

You are so funny! And adorable. I bet you feel very ruffled now, ne? Tee hee. But down to business. Yaoi is amazing! Why? Because it is a fantasy that every women imagines! It is forbidden love and very romantic.

I suppose people like you so much because you are so mean. To people around you, that saying. But deep down we believe you to be very kind and loving, so you are ideal for yaoi-ness. Ne, and maybe it is because you are so in denial over your feelings. Don't you know that Moyashi-chan is your special person that you search for? X3

If you hate that people say you are girly so much than you should just cut off your hair. It's the only girly thing about you. See, Lavi isn't mistaken for a girl because his hair is short! Ne, if it was long he'd be girly too. But the hair of Yuu-chan is so pretty, do not cut it off please!

My advice to you, Yuu, is for you to come out of the closet as soon as possible. The sooner you do, the happier you will become!

Bye bye, cuteness!

-I am _quite _ruffled. I don't like the way you say 'forbidden love', it sounds… _uugghh. _I'm not mean, I just tell the truth, and trust me, I am no where near kind and loving. The only reason I co-operate with people sometimes is to get the job done quicker, otherwise I would be stuck with pathetic losers for all eternity. AND IM NOT IN DENIAL!!!! _Moyashi-chan _is the person I most want to hurt, baka!!

… I am mortified. What makes you think I would ever cut off my hair?! It's supposed to be long!! And Lavi is an idiot!! I would _kill him _if he ever got long hair. That is just… disgusting. _He _is disgusting. Yes, my hair is pretty, but you will never get to touch it. Try, and I'll cut off YOUR hair.

CUTENESS?!?! CALL ME THAT AGAIN, I DARE YOU!!!!

* * *

12. yumise-lunar: 

-Your review is very long. You have Email. Check it. (I like your tone of voice. Thank you for not being a flamer.)

* * *

13. ShiraiHime:

Nn,I think people think you're gay cuz,well,you seem to like the Moyashi a ,A LOT.8DD Daaw,first mission you protected him aw!!xDD -hinting- And I don't give a ** about your thing about internet language nyahahaha!!xDD

I'm SO subscribing to is gonna be funny as hell.

Yullen ftw.

-ShiraiHime

-I DON'T LIKE THE MOYASHI!!!! AND IT'S 'LIKE', NOT 'LIKE'!!! I protected him because I'm not hauling his dead body all the way back to the Order. Screw him. I see that you don't!! Fine, I'll talk like that!! SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!!

Yah, I talks like dis, makes me KOOL, I has internetz, ROROFLFOLRLR!!!

(It's not supposed to be funny, BAKA!!)

* * *

14. .Usagi:

Kanda:

=Responds to the word "fangirl".=  
YES? :'D

It's a good thing you can't kill me over the 'net, y'know. C':  
Mwahaha! I'd like to see if Mugen could cut through space and time. 8'D

D: So like, is the mouse hard to use the first time? :C Do you feel safe, comfortable? If the computer starts to make scary noises, don't go run into Allen's arms, OK? D:  
=Looks behind me with shifty eyes.=

Can't attack Lenalee because she's a woman!?  
You sexist bastard. D:  
(=Laughs.=)

Haha~ I pity you for being paired up with Lavi. XD!!  
I remember a LaviYu (Yes, Kanda. You are the uke. They strip your masculinity in most cases. Do something about it, please. I hate it too.) fan, who could WRITE well (doesn't mean the stories were good- I only skimmed through them), they said that you and Lavi were "opposites that compliment".  
"When Kanda is sad or angry, he needs a happy person to cheer him up."  
"I don't follow any pairings that don't even have a basis of friendship."  
"Lavi gets away with calling him by his name. (He's lived this long.)"  
I swear I could have hurled. :C

As for Yullen (yes, you are the seme), I don't pity you at all. 8'D I actually support it. Heck, I practically live for it. C:  
As I see it, you care (even if the tiniest amount) about your comrades. You would save them if they came to trouble, but you'd make excuses.  
The only and last time we saw you save someone was with Allen. XD" Now, you probably did it because you needed his help with the akuma, since you were crippled. 83 (Don't hurt me. Haha...)  
But still~ 8'D  
And that look you gave Allen when he gave that semi-speech in the Mattel Arc, made me swoon. 8'D Did you fall for him? C:  
(Don't hurt me. XDD )  
Oh, and I remember that the only time you gave a real, sincere smile (even though it was only in the anime), [http://fishing-teh-sky.], it was after Allen said that cute line, "I won't forgive you next time!"

-MUGEN CAN CUT THROUGH ANYTHING!!! Just you wait, expect me to come kill you soon. I do not understand why it's called a 'mouse'. It doesn't resemble a rodent at all. Also, the computer makes no noise. I have the sound off. AND I AM BETTER AT USING THE COMPUTER THAN MOYASHI!!!

If a woman attacks me first, I'll attack her back. (Lenalee and the clipboard does not count. ) And I am very traditional, if you haven't realised. It's not sexism. And don't laugh, the sound grates on my ears and makes me want to hit _you. _

_I am _no Uke. I don't care if it's Lavi, Allen, fucking Tykiorwhateverhisnameis, I am no _UKE. _And I don't need a happy person to cheer me up, I want to be by myself, where no-one can bother me!! These people make me sick!! (And he can't call me my by name EVER!) Good to hear you don't like it. Keep not liking it.

Yeah, I better be the Seme. You… _live _for it? In case you don't know, I am glaring at you with the intensity of the sun. My excuses are the truth; we work better as a team- when I am leader of the team and they stay the heck away from me. I WAS'NT CRIPPLED!!! I was just hurt!! And that look was a 'I can't believe you are crying over something as stupid as this' look.

And that was a _smirk, _not a smile. SMIRK.

(Ps: Thank you for the grammar correction. I don't write a lot, because I am not too good, and I _hate _admitting it. So keep it quiet, idiot.)

* * *

15. Reyne Klein:

The fact is that I hate yaoi... I can't take it when two guys are like in love with each other...Thanks to my gay teacher who's so disgusting. I have read a few yaoi stories before and i seriously was on the verge of puking...i rather KandaXOC stories, not KandaXLenalee because she's taken by Allen.*evil laughter*

I mistook your side profile for Lenalee before, because of your ponytail.(Don't kill me.) Cut your hair if you don't want to be mistaken as a girl but I, as a fangirl will say "Never cut it!!"

-Yes, I am glad you hate Yaoi. You have a gay teacher? That's interesting. I would have left the school by now. Yes, Lenalee is taken by Moyashi, but I don't think it will get anywhere. He's stiff and useless when it comes to that. _Heh_

_You mistook me for Lenalee. I hate you. _No, this has been discussed, I will NEVER cut my hair. If I cut it, what bit of me will be an individual?! Yes, fan girl, also tell others that I SHALL NEVER CUT IT.

* * *

16. xXLovesYaoi13Xx:

See my name? It should give you some hints that what I like...

Yaoi is just... HOT. Duno /really/ why, but it is. And I really like you with Allen... (How come that Lavi and Allen are still alive? You like them. Admit it)

You know I am really embrassed, because I tought you were a female until I read the second book. I realised that you are a man only because I saw you without the bandages. And now I can't see why I tought you were a woman...

I love Yullen! HA! Take that, girly-boy!

-I spit on your name, and also, I hate you. I can't technically kill those fool's, because the Order will take Mugen away from me, and I _need _Mugen. However, if we are on a mission, there can be an _accident…_

Yes, yes, yes, everyone seems to think I'm a woman. Im waiting for a comment about my hair… Yes, you realised that I don't have breast's, idiot? Did I look like I had breast's before?! Be embarrassed, for your sake.

GIRLY-BOY??!? YULLEN?!?!? _You _are on my list, you moronic, yaoi-loving punk!!!

* * *

17. Celestial Moonshine:

I believe a great opening to this would be to point out that this technically goes against fanfiction rules, and should it be reported, can be taken down. From what I'm aware the DGM section is more lenient reviewer-wise, but as a warning, it is a possibility.

Secondly, and getting to the point, I like "yaoi" (technically shounen-ai since I prefer the aspects of the relationship and how it comes about as apposed to just sex) not because I find it hot (which is shallow and pretty silly) but because I am open-minded enough to realize that their are male characters in some series that just seem to click, just as their are females that seem to click with males, and etc. Personally, in DGM I support Yullen, because I feel that you and Allen are just dissimiliar enough to give eachother growth in a relationship, being different enough to stimulate eachother, but similiar enough to find balance, respect, and the ability to relate and understand one another. Also, I find that there's no real reason to write more canon pairings because you get them in the series, and many other people write it; it's pointless, especially when I don't care for it (I dislike Allen with Lenalee, especially when she ceased to be a warrior and transformed herself into a damsel in distress)

Oh, and for the record, I knew you were a man from the very beginning. I mean, with hands as capable and big as yours are, I don't see how anyone could have thought you were a woman for long...

-Finally, an intelligent answer. Thank you for that.

It's a fan fiction now. This is all a very long author's note. I hope it doesn't get taken down, because this is keeping me preoccupied from harming people at the moment (namely Komui.)

I understand what you are saying. I _don't support Yullen in anyway, _but I can see that you have explained why you like it. And as for Lenalee, she lost some of her strength when her innocence crystallised and took on a new form, but she seems to be getting stronger again (in my eyes). And her hair is growing back.

Thank you for having enough sense to realise that I was a man in the beginning, unlike these other fools. Your words at the end suggest innuendo…

(Haha. Look how _civil _I am.)

* * *

18. Kiarra-Chan:

Kanda, it's a proven fact that some girls. (OK most young ladies.) like hot gay guys. Also, you do look quite feminine. No offense of course. Blame Hoshino-Sama on that.

(Great idea! I love it!)

- I do hope that young girls don't like Yaoi. What would their parents think? No, I don't look feminine, it's your eyes deceiving you. I am _masculine, _have you not seen my body yet?! Hoshino-chan is to blame for it all!! I hate her!!

(I'm glad you do.)

* * *

19. deathangel338:

well to answer your questions we like yaoi cause it's hot but for me i only like certain pairings(sp?) like you and allen you make such a good couple lavi not so much, but i'm not even sure where the other pairings come from. oh and also we say your a girl because of your long hair it makes you look like a girl when it's down that and it's fun to ** you off. k there you go jane

-Yes, me and Lavi will _never be together. _Che, I'm not sure either!! Also, people have to stop pairing me up with people I hate. I'm talking about Moyashi, by the way. My hair is long _because it's styled traditionally. _And someone up there said I look more manly with my hair down!! I do!! Be quiet, _Jane!!_

* * *

20. brokenheart-edge 

I think I can help you there, being a yaoi fangirl myself (yes, I admit it, and I like the Kanda/Allen pairing, so there!). Personally, I find it very romantic when two lovers can get past the boundaries of gender, be it two boys or two girls. If they really love each other, then gender shouldn't matter. Also, the whole gay thing is kind of taboo, but forbidden love is so much more...exciting. Let's put it in hypothetical terms: say you fall in love with Lenalee. Sure, Komui would go after you like a madman, but otherwise, it's just boring. You could just scare Komui into letting you have Lenalee. Now, imagine if you fell in love with, say, Allen. Remember, this is only hypothetical. First, and most obviously, you're both boys, so you would have to hide your relationship, since it would probably be frowned upon. Second, in reality, you fight all the time, which would make for a love/hate sort of relationship, which is always fun. Third (and this is the reason most girls love yaoi), it's exciting to see two good-looking (or hot, or pretty, or whatever) men that love each other. This is probably why you're always in these stories- because you have a handsome face. You may find this disturbing, or shallow, and in truth, I do too, to some extent, but I've come to terms with it; I like what I like, and I can't change that. Now, this doesn't mean that I don't like straight pairings- I just put together the two characters whose interactions would be the most interesting, like you and Allen. Strangely enough, I seem to favor pairings that fight all the time- it's entertaining.  
I hope I was able to answer your question. I'm sure you'll get many different opinons; reasons vary from person to person.  
P.S. People keep saying you're a girl because (and you should know this about yourself) you have a feminine face and long hair. There's nothing wrong with it; I happen to prefer slightly feminine guys (and just so you know, I am a girl, not a gay guy).  
Eager to hear your reply,  
brokenheart-edge (and yes, I know my pen name is emo).

-"You could just scare Komui into letting you have Lenalee." Hoho, I like that. However, I don't want Lenalee. Moyashi can have her.

Another intelligent answer, which I like. Thank you. Your answer pushe's me one step close to the truth. However, can't pairings between people of the opposite gender be made exciting, to? And if you like pairings that fight all the time, I suggest reading MilleniumEarlXAllen. Hah, now _that's entertaining. _

I'm glad someone has said that I look handsome, because a girl cannot be handsome, therefore your saying I'm masculine. I do find it disturbing, but because I like the way you answered me you have got into my good books. But if you ever try to stalk me or obsess over me in anyway, I wont hesitate to throw you squarely back in with these misfits above this paragraph.

Seriously, this hair is starting to be a problem. What can I do besides cutting it off?!

Your penname is indeed emo. Are you emo, too? If you are, I suggest talking to Lavi. The lack of conversation will make you more emo.

* * *

(Flamer's don't get answered, by the way.)

Har, har har. This is popular, for some strange reason. I should get other exorcists to come on here, but I wont, because they should get up off their ass's and join themselves. However, I do know that Lavi sometime's goes on this site. LAVI, IF YOUR READING THIS, STOP STEALING MY HAIR-TIE'S. ITS ANNOYING.

This is what I've learnt so far from my report. 

1. Guys don't really like Yaoi.

2. People have nose-bleeds when they read Yaoi.

3. People think I'm attractive… yet girly. Baka's.

4. Che, STOP WITH THE ALLENXKANDA!!

5. I get paired with Lavi a lot. A _lot. _

So, this time, I ask something else of all you fan's. I want to know what is your favourite pairing, from one to three. Like this:

1. KandaXNo-one.

2. LaviXNo-one.

3. MoyashiXTimcanpy. (Harhar)

These are my favourite, favourite meaning the ones I tolerate the most. (Can't you see that I'm serious?) Phase one is complete, now phase two will commence. Keep it short and simple please, but tell me why you like your favourite pairing. I like KandaXNo-one because I do not have to do anything. Also, it stops me being paired with anyone.

From, Kanda.

PS: Don't take offence to my comments. You should know what I'm like. If you don't, why the hell did you bother commenting? I am _nice _as a formality. My first page was an introduction. This is not.

Also, I don't care about your feelings.

PPS: Grammar snob's, I am actually glad you are correcting me. Keep telling me my error's so I can fix them as soon as I can. I need to get off 'word pad'. Arigato.

* * *


	3. I am TIRED

AN------------------------------------------------

A quick note: I was _not _procrastinating, I don't do that. The reason this is so late is not only because so many people keep talking to me, but also because I was _FINALLY _sent on a mission. _FINALLY. _

You know, sometimes you get the feeling that because you don't have a whirly-eye, an ugly arm, and are not the 'Destroyer of time' or something, you just get forgotten? Seriously, I don't see Lavi or Moyashi doing this?!? I'm not anti social, I am just not-talkative!!

Anyhow, my mission was simple. It was in the north of Africa. It was very sunny, and there was little shade. I would have gotten back earlier, if I didn't have idiotic finders there with me. _Baka no Finders. _

Not telling you anymore. You might stalk me. Now, on to whatever I was writing.

Ah, yes. Heh, this is more _fun_ then I thought it would be. I am amused by the comments being posted here. All of them are positive, except for that one flamer. _Screw you. _

_Anyhow, _here is some fanfiction. I know I am not J.K Rooling or whatever the hell her name is, but I can still try, can't I?

Ready to read some fanfiction?

* * *

I get to kill Lavi.

I was walking in some corridor again, when that stupid idiot-rabbit walked by me with this grin on his face that made me _want to rip it off his face. _

"Howdy, _Yuu-chan._"

" My name is _Kanda._"

"Technically, it's both."

Grrr, I wanted to rip his disgusting red hair out! I mean, look at him: he wears a dorky eye patch to cover god-knows-what, he wears those scarves that look like they once belonged to a hobo, and he CANT FIGHT. All _I_ have ever seen him use is that stupid fire seal. Jeez, once you've seen it once, the next few times just get _boring. Get some new moves before you get massacred on the battle field!! _

"Be quiet, baka!" I spat. "And also, STOP TAKING MY HAIR TIES."

"Teehee, I _like taking Yuu-chan's hair ties!_"

Ok, that was it. He continuously makes fun of my hair, and then steals my ties so I can't make it better!! That no good excuse for a human being!! I swear, he should just go die!! I don't understand how he has that many fangirls!!

"Now you are going to die!!" I unsheathed Mugen, but he didn't move. So I rose it to his face, and he still didn't move. Instead, he said:

"_Yuu-chan likes pretty pink flowers, he has one in his room!"_

And so I grabbed him by his hair and drove Mugen right through his neck.

The first thing that happened was that he opened his mouth to let blood rush out at he slowly crumpled to the floor upon release. It was slow, as if time had stumbled upon what had happened and had exerted pity for him.

The second thing that happened was that he stopped moving. When he stopped moving, his eyes went blank. I stared at him. Crimson was pooling around his form, staining his clothes, clinging to skin, and yet I did nothing. In fact, I rose Mugen to the sky…

_And brought it swiftly down onto his lifeless form._

Tissue and skin was torn up, blood was splattering everywhere. There was not a single breath in his body, yet I flipped him over roughly with my foot and plunged Mugen into his chest repeatedly, making nice little holes that leaked still-warm blood. The motion was violent, and my body was moving by itself.

There was the cracking of bone somewhere, but I couldn't pinpoint where. His body jerked awkwardly as things inside him were pierced and then reduced to shreds of biological fabric, and his skull kept hitting the cold floor below with enough force to be heard.

Then, I added the final _touch. _I grabbed his hair, and in one swoop, chopped a good quantity of it off, letting locks of red hair spiral to the ground beside its owners body.

He was a mess. He didn't even resemble 'Lavi' anymore; it was just a mangled corpse on the ground. He was in a position that, if he wasn't so bloodied up and torn apart, would have looked like he was sleeping. I knelt down to his face, and smiled.

"That will teach you." I laughed softly. "Don't ever take my hair ties again."

* * *

AN-----------------------------------------------------------

I showed it to Lavi, and now he isn't talking to me. YES.

I KILLED HIM.

So, tell me who I should kill next week? I can't think of anyone else… (I cannot kill Komui, because he will make my report assignment longer…)

Anyhow, review time.

* * *

1. ShiraiHime:

Oh wow,you're asking THAT question?8D Okay then!Kanda gets what Kanda wants!

(KandaxAllen)=Has been my most favorite pairing for a year and a 's an awesome pairing because,well,it just whatever you want,but it seems like the most obvious that's my point of view,others may think that LaviYu or TykiYu is more anyway,Yullen is should read it sometime!xD Maybe then you'll know what I mean-I can't say how awesome it is in words xDD

!Yullen=I know you're pointing Mugen at me right now,but it's true!!Kiddy mush is cute!Especially if Allen looks so freaking adorable in his hood-thingie xDD Some people make this pairing into yaoi haha xDD shota!Alleen~~-hearts-

(LavixTyki)=I actually have no idea where this one came from,but after I tried it out,I couldn't see either Tyki or Lavi with anyone else!xD Don't know what else to say about this pairing haha..

I don't know why the sentences I send are screwed up by the way.I'm not retarded.

Oh,and good luck with the flamers and the rest of the report-thingie.

YULLEN FTW (it's in capital letters now yay!xD)

-ShiraiHime

-Sometimes I wonder where God has gone. _Yullen? _Why would you spend a year and a half wasting your life on _Yullen? _It seem's to be the most popular pairing, unfortunately. _I will never read it. Or write it. Or do anything associated to it. _Got it? Good, idiot.

Ok, that 'shota' one took it too far. I didn't even know him when he was little!! AND WHAT THE HELL?! Yaoi, at that age?! That is disgusting!! Ugghh, I cant even write down my anger at this point!! They should be arrested!! And so should you for liking it!!

'Lucky'… I have no comment on that. And I didn't say your retarded. I just said your internet speak was. Hah, I eat flamer's for _breakfast. _Actually, I eat soba for breakfast. But whatever.

Your capitals hold no meaning, baka. 'Yullen' has to be exterminated.

* * *

2. Kiete:

Aw, c'mon. ;D

Me again. I'm still bored, and I really don't feel like working on my own **, so I'm back again. To leave ridiculously long reviews, because that's how I roll [and before I forget... psst, program is spelled with one m and no e. C:].

Oh jeez. Don't even get me started on how old my friends are and how old they should be for talking like they do. Really. I'm younger than you ;D [but it might be possible that I'm taller... but again, not by much. xDD]! But not by much. Well... I guess I'm the only person that doesn't think of a year as a long time, so maybe it is a long time. I dunno.

Well, it's good that you think Lenalee and Miranda are okay. I mean, it'd be a little worrisome if you didn't. But eh. Yullen still makes me gag. I mean, seriously. Not only does it make you a pedo, it's just weird. And there are hardly any really good fics out there that aren't Yullen in some way. And I CAN'T STAND IT! –tears out hair- Yeah. You have such an interesting personality to write, and it's usually hard to pair you up with people anyway, so I usually don't read much with you and Lavi anyway. I mean, Tyki just has that spark where it's kinda like you don't have a choice anyway, so... xDD

Yes. I am very to-the-point. Here's a new point: Being asexual is not healthy. That's like you being in Opus Dei or something. And I can say that, 'cause I'm Catholic [and going to hell], but seriously. Not. Healthy. And dude. You have –no idea- how bad my friends are. One of my really good friends is a rapist. –coughs- Make sure you don't run into him, okay? It's not fun. Not at all...

Okay. Well, I guess I should actually get on to listing my favorite pairings.  
1. Well... Don't hate me, but I'm a proud supporter of Tyki x Kanda! –waves sign- I said why somewhere up there. While I was rambling. Eh...  
2. ..that's it.  
3. Well, I kind of like Lavi and Miranda together... they're cute.

Yay! Um, I know I got carried away, but I'm used to writing. You should feel lucky you didn't get fifteen pages instead of less than one. So yeah.

I am a ** grammar Nazi, so bear with me for a moment. When you're quoting things, the period goes inside the apostrophe. Because it's 'grammar.' Snobs doesn't need an ' in it... neither does ties. Plural things don't. And there was one more thing... Aw, ** it. This review is too long anyway.

Peace out.

-Hello, my grammar correcting friend. Still bored?

I shall remember how to spell 'program' next time. Your friends must be _really screwed up. _And your younger than me, but taller than me?! Im 177cm tall. I grew 2cm over the series. And for some reason, people say that _I'm _short. So, how tall are you then?! I think of a year as time span closer to death.

Yullen is like a pest that won't go away, no matter how much I try. People don't realise that I'm 18, and he is only 16. Have you read the review above this one?! _Me and Allen when we are children. _Agggghhh!! I can't stress how much I hate it!! Che, I don't read fanfiction, so I wouldn't know what is good or not. I think any Yaoi is not good. I'm glad I'm hard to pair with people. I've got the feeling that people write me as someone who is happy and that _likes people. _And Tyki?! He's a pervert.

Being asexual is a way of life, just like you being catholic. 'Opus Dei?' What? And this guy, who rapes people, is a _good friend? _I'll say it again. _Your friends are really screwed up. _If he tries to touch me, I'll reduce his bones to splinters, ok? It's healthy, because I wont get sexual diseases and all that crap.

Wow, you are a one pairing sort of girl. Now, If only you could be a no pairing sort of girl. Lavi and Miranda? Miranda is an intelligent woman (and a very _sensitive _woman), and Lavi has the mental age of a two year old.

Your grammar correction has been taken in. can you see the 'changes?'

* * *

3. UnbornHope:

Well I must say Kanda-chan, you certainly are ...creative when it comes to writing in your friend's point of views. I actually enjoyed it to be frank. But seriously... kill Lavi? Pfft, please. You'd die two seconds later, for the great (yet admirably well hidden) Lavi army will smite you.

Yaoi...yaoi... Well lesse. I'm still trying to comprehend the part where people like the idea of a submissive Kanda Yuu- I'll look into that one- but I suppose people like you being uke because they want to see that facade of yours break and shatter, like the thin glass it is.

1. TykixAllen- Tyki is my favorite character. I can never figure him out, and that just makes me admire him. But there is one ground where I do understand him. He is a man born into a life of joy yet awareness, as pleasure goes, and is set between his reality of true happiness and the afterthought of loss. Allen is an unfortunate child born in the exact opposite side of Tyki's realm of knowledge. Therefore... luff.

2. KandaxAllen- Dunno. It calls to me.

3. KandaxNo one- Not for your comfort. I just don't have any other ideas for yaoi at the moment, and all these replies must be getting to your mind- So I'm trying to uphold of D. Gray Man peace and keep you straight for awhile. (Until the creator of D. Gray Man finishes the manga)

-You do realise 'chan' is feminine, right? '_Kun' _is masculine, yet childish. And I can kill Lavi all I want. Did you like the fanfiction above? _Did it please you? Good. _Because I killed him, and you fan's can't do anything about it. _Hah._

I am NOT submissive, that's just bad writing. I cannot be submissive, and I never have. Have I ever shown signs of being submissive?! Che, now I'm worked up!! My 'façade' is when I'm being nice to people. My real personality is hating everyone (which I do).

I enjoyed the poetry of your 'Tyki' part. I like intelligent people. However, Tyki mortally wounded Allen. Allen hate's him. Could that pairing be anymore than just _rape?! _Also, it's against the law. Tyki should be arrested, or better yet, executed.

Kanda and Allen. Yet again. I give up. I just can't see what people get out of this pairing!! I'm 18!! It's still illegal! And also, I don't want to touch him, let alone love him!! I'll get cursed!!

_Yes, _KandaXNo-one is the best one. I am straight, baka, and Hoshino _will _be keeping me straight. I'm going to have a word with her…

* * *

4. CarinaAiko:

This is EXTREMELY late but whatever.

Er... I am not a fan of Yaoi and I am proud of it. Yaoi as my friend quotes is 'uber HOT' hotness to the nth degree. And I have no reason why. You and Moyashi is a very intriguing pair but like that will ever happen. You and the baka usagi and the curly haired Noah as couples, is just weird to the nth degree.  
(No offense)  
Why you're always in Yaoi pairings is because to some people (not me) you look feminine. Oh yes and your hair. Well, I'm sure that in Japan it is perfectly acceptable to have long hair and your hair is much neater and moyashi's or Lavi's hair ne? Their hair probably gets in the way during battles.  
You were also mistaken by Lenalee as a girl when she was eight but whatever. Anyway just wait till Lenalee's on a mission or something then you can kill Komui with Mugen hopefully at that point in time you will not be on a mission. That would be just plain sad.

So continue to rock on and kick butt ( not Allen's or Lavi's). I'll be waiting for my reply if you reply and you don't sound very much like Kanda do you? Too formal. Bye!~

- 'UberHOT' is not a word, and never will be. Give your friend a dictionary. I'm glad you don't like Yaoi. I see you have sense to realise that we are never going to be together, because it just doesn't work like that. Che, I don't take offence. Me and Moyashi would kill each other. In fact, I would kill him. He would just die.

Yes, yes, yes, my hair again. Those guy's just don't appreciate hair like I do! Moyashi's hair was crap in the first half of the series, and then it randomly got all spiky and horrid-looking. Lavi's hair is just a _mess. _My hair is supposed to be like that, but the other exorcists don't bother caring about any other country but their own (except Lavi, who has to know about other countries as a Book-man).

I remember that incident with Lenalee. She apologised a lot, which made it better. I can just kill Komui when she's in the building. I want to be on a mission!! It's boring here!! And I'm not whining!

I can kick whoever's butt I want, _especially Lavi's_. I have to be formal, because I would be kicked off for bad writing if I wasn't.

* * *

5. deathangel338:

-because you look good together and when you fall in love it's always with either your bestfriend or worst enemy don't know why it just is so it works out that way

(tykixlavi)-i don't know i just do god damn

-i only like 2(above two)parings for this anime

oh by the way hoshino-sensi is a guy i don't know why people keep saying he's a girl(i think he's gay)and there was one story where the pairing was you and Jerry forgot the name though and also if you don't like allen why did you 'smirk' when he said he would'nt forgive you and save him a couple times and follow lavi to the ark to go see allen at HQ when you heard him sing! admitte it you like him you so quite being in denial and get out of the closet you femey-faced bastered

-I don't know what love experiences you have had, but love doesn't work out that way. And me and Moyashi look _horrible _together. I look good on my own, and he still looks like a freak by himself. Lucky is getting popular. What, they see each other twice in the series and then they are in love? Where is the logic in that?!

Hoshino is a woman. Viz media who licensed the manga said that she was a he, but it's because she writes like a tomboy and they translated it wrong. _Ok. _Me and Jerry. The guy who make's me food. I'm not even going to bother with that nonsense.

I 'smirked' because I don't _smile. _I only saved him because as I had said before, I am not hauling his dead ass back to HQ and we have a shortage of exorcist's after the incident in Barcelona. I followed Lavi because I hated being stuck in that room, listening to Tiedoll rant on about crap!!

Femey-faced bastard?! Not only did that make no sense whatsoever, but who are you to say who I like and who I don't like? _You are no-one _to me. Remember that, idiot.

* * *

6. Vulpine1227

Kanda,  
this is a really interesting... um, report. personally, you're my favorite character in d. gray-man... (smiles) since you want answers to favorite pairings, i'd have to say that

1. kandaXallen... sorry, but it's a really interesting relationship... (please please please don't gut me with mugen!)

2. allenXlenalee i know that it's probably going nowhere right now, but i still like reading the fanfics, they're interesting!

3. laviXallen again, a very... er, interesting relationship.

i'm not really a supporter for yaoi, but i do find that if a story is well written enough, it can be an interesting relationship that i would never have thought of in that way before. so, i'm neutral! (smiles)

P.S. i don't care if you hate this review, you're still my favorite character! :P

-I'm glad I'm your favourite character, because that means your not an Moyashi fan-girl. And I cant gut you with Mugen, because too many people on the internet like that pairing, and I cant take them _all _out. However, I will glare at you through the screen. It's a stupid paring that will never _happen in a million years. _In fact, I swear that as long as I am an exorcist, I will _never love/like Allen. _And trust me, I'm not going to quit the order anytime soon.

Allen and Lenalee is probably the most likely to happen. However, Moyashi doesn't have a loving bone in his body, and can't even hug her properly. He can't do _anything _properly. Lavi and Allen is also likely. The would have long conversation's about food and other crap that no-one cares about.

Good. Remain a non-supporter. Stories can be well written, but with Yaoi, you need to have _a lot of imagination. _

I'm still glaring, by the way.

* * *

7. StopLemons

Kanda-kun:

Gomen na sai~ I know this is late... but yeah. I felt that I should reply. I'm not sure why, but I felt like it... So here's my take on your..um...situation.

As for the yaoi, I'm not sure why most girl's have taken such a liking to this whole yaoi thing... I guess it's because they like to see men who are 'attractive' by their standards together. I personally don't have much of a tolerance for it, especially the random pairings; such as the one with you and the creepy butterfly Noah (Tyiki). I just don't get that one.. He seems to be more of an Allen person, in my opinion... I think the Lavi pairing is just because Lavi is well... Lavi... And you know... He seems awfully fond of you and the other male characters, if you know what i mean... (please don't kill me!)

I suppose people like to put you in the yaoi pairings because of your personality. You don't seem to show much emotion towards others. (I personally don't believe that you're a heartless bastard as some say. You show your emotions in a different way, ne?) Ano...I guess they just want to see you showing something towards another person, you know? I guess they also throw you in because of your long hair (which doesn't make you look like a girl, at least not in my opinion. There are plenty of masculine men with long hair)

I suppose that would also be the reason why people confuse you for a girl (your long hair). But again, I don't really get that... Have they never seen Sephiroth from Final Fantasy? He's got hair at least as long as yours, and he looks nothing like a woman (not that you do, that was just my example.)

Ano... That's about it I suppose... Yeah..  
Ja ne~

-Good to see another person who doesn't understand Yaoi. Girl's should understand that men that are attractive want to attract women, not men. Me and that Noah are sworn enemies, so we would never get together. It's like pairing me and the Earl. _Never going to happen. _Oh, Lavi is just _gay. _But then again, he also like's girls. So, I guess he's Bi. I don't care, as long as he stay's away from me.

I don't show emotions, that's the point of me being _me. _I AM a heartless bastard, but I do care. Just not about people. But if I show emotion's towards people, then I won't be me, and therefore, there would be no point in writing at all. And people just call me girly because they are either jealous, or they want me to get angry at them. Che, these fan girls…

I know, my hair is a _real issue. _I'm getting sick of it, actually. I have never seen this 'Final fantasy' guy, but he sounds cool if he has hair like mine. Maybe I should meet him, and then we can kill all these people who think we are women?

I like you and your random Japanese. _And the fact you called me 'Kun'. _You can be in my good books.

(God, I am in a good mood today.)

* * *

8. SilentKiller1:

LOL means laugh out loud  
ur means your  
just keep dreaming if you think you can take me, because you cant.  
look whos talking, baka (you are one)  
are you sure you are not in love with your hair? im not crazy about my hair and i dont like people touching it  
catch me if you can :P (should i walk so you can catch me?)

(LavixAllen)  
(LavixKanda)

Toodles Yu-chan!

-You again? I can take you any day. If you haven't noticed, I'm an exorcist, and you are what, just a person? I'm not a baka, _you are. _And I love my hair, because I have to live with it, and therefore, I have to love it. I don't like people touching my hair, but losers like Lavi touch it anyway.

Why couldn't I catch you?! Have you not _seen _how fast I am?! If anything, I'll walk and still catch _you. _And judging by your list, in which I am in every pairing, you need to get caught and maimed.

It's KANDA. KANDA!!!!

* * *

9. ScarletFirez:

I do have a life!(I think) Yes, you and moyashi. I know that you would love to spend some alone time with allen. You're just in denial~ *dodges Mugen* Your hair does look girly! But I never mistaken you for a girl before. I knew that you were a guy in the beginning. Well, I love men with longer hair. Oh and People won't stop loving you, yuu-chan! :D

KandaxNo-one, LavixNo-one and MoyashixTimcanpy. Hm.. I pick.. neither of them. I don't care what you're going to say, but you and allen together is the best pairing ever(in my opinion). So stop denying and go make out with Allen or something.. I know that deep deep DEEP down inside, you would love to do that. You being with Lavi/Tyki is nice too. XD But then again, I prefer Lavi being with Lenalee or Tyki. (TykixLavi is my second fav! X3)

Can't wait to see your 'report'.

PS: The story was...interesting? In a weird way. Heh

-I would want to spend some alone time with Moyashi so that I could harm him in some way. And like you could dodge Mugen!! I never miss!! Good, you have great eyesight if you can see my gender. Unfortunately, I know people wont stop loving me. Be careful, I'll get a big head. And my name is _Kanda. KANDA._

_Your opinion. _I _could _go make out with Allen, OR I could ignore him completely, glare at him when he walks past and attempt to kill him every time he tries to talk to me. Hm, which one should I choose? Oh, I know, _not the one you want me to do. _

Deep, deep down inside, I want the world to realise that I hate them all, and that my cold exterior is not a face, but a true reflection of my emotions. No-one could ever understand that. Lavi and Tyki and Lenalee can be with who-ever they please. I just don't understand where TykiXLavi comes from!! Its random!!

Here it is. My story above was a _lot more fun to write._

* * *

10. WrathofMugen:

Wow I loved the story! So filled with violence!! *sighs happily* Ok so now to the question Kanda-sama asked! *talking to self* Um I would have to say that for my favorite pairing it would be KandaXNo-one because Kanda is my favorite, and no-one is worth enough for Kanda to be with them. For the second one it would be EveryoneXMoyashi-chan because Allen is very cute and pretty and looks like a innocent little girl. *shivers* ew if someone puts down something like...I don't know LaviXKanda I will personally kill them that's just disturbing. It makes me sick when people write yaoi stories and put Kanda-sama as an uke. I mean come on! He doesn't look at all like a girl or even act like one! Oh and for all those people who say Moyashi-chanXLenalee...I will kill them too because she is a **! *smiles innocently* Well that's all I have to comment on the question. Bye Bye!

-I like your name. It's a good choice. Also, if you loved that story, you must have _adored _this one. Kanda-sama? Your just putting me into an even better mood.

KandaXNo-one? Now, your just flattering me. Hah, I like it. No-one is good enough for me? _Very nice. _Moyashi looks like a girl and could be dominated by anyone in the world, even by someone like Miranda.

Finally, someone who understands!! I _can't _be an Uke!! It's against my personality!! Yes, I don't act OR look like a girl!! I'm more of a man than Lavi!! A Lenalee basher? I was waiting for one of those to show up. Why do you hate her?

I hope you comment back. This will be interesting to read.

* * *

11. kenzigirl

I love you. So you are now under my favorites. (Did I do that last time? Ah well..)

You are mean! But so cute and I cannot resist! Okay cuteness, here goes the pairings.

1. KandaXAllen

2. KandaXAllenXLavi

3. LaviXKanda

So yes, Moyashi and you together is my favorite because first, because you are handsome and pretty and Allen is short and cute and also because you gave him that adorable nickname! But also because deep down, I think you really care about him. You don't need to hide your feelings, Yuu! Also, your complete opposites and opposites attract! Well maybe not complete opposites because you are both competitve and have tempers.

Then I like KandaXAllenXLavi becuase three bishounens is even better than two! And also Lavi would be sad if he was being left out...

Lastly I like LaviXKanda because, well, I read this doujinshi where you, Yuu, gets turned into a cat boy and a cat brain and Lavi protects you but he misses the real bitter and sour Yuu! It is so cute!

So this is a really long review and I'm sorry! . But I still have some advice to you! I noticed in your responses to other people that you seem to hate yaoi because it strips you of your masculinaty (sp?), which it does not! Well some people do...but not really! I mean, with Allen you are supreme seme and even with Lavi you can top from the bottom! So don't be afraid like that. It's okay, Yuu! So for the real advice, I think you should search for some yaoi fics and read them. You might like it!

Sayonara! X3

-YOU CALLED ME CUTENESS AGAIN!!! IF ONLY I COULD HURT YOU RIGHT NOW WITH MUGEN!!!

I see that I am in all of your top pairings. You must be a real fan girl. Which is not always a good thing. _I _am handsome and pretty, and Moyashi _is SHORT. _However, my nickname for him is not adorable. It's the _truth. _He is a bean sprout, no matter what he says!! We are opposites, which is a reason for us not to like each other.

…THREE?!?!?! You are the first one to say that. I am mortified, again. No, I would be left out, because I would _willingly leave. _If me and Lavi, or me and Moyashi was unlikely, then that pairing is _impossible. _

Ok, ok. I get turned into a _cat boy _and have a _cat brain. _I don't know what planet the author of that is living on, but it's not earth. One, I would NEVER be a cat boy. Two, Lavi COULDN'T protect me, even if he tried, he would loose interest and abandon me somewhere because of his incredibly short attention span, and three, just… ugghh. I am BITTER and SOUR and I don't think anyone would miss that.

It does strip me of masculinity! But I am not an Uke, I am dominant!! Does my personality not show that? NO. I will never read Yaoi, NEVER!!

* * *

12. IceNin55:

Well, out of those three, my favorite is KandaxNobody, LavixNobody coming in second. Mainly because you, Kanda, are not the kind of person to have a relationship. And although I will admit that Lavi probably likes Linalee, she likes Allen/Moyashi. Not him. Plus, he's a bookman and can't be in a relationship anyways.

Oh, and, just a warning, but... That 'I kill Moyashi' bit? It sounded really, REALLY...gay. There, I said it. But Allens point of view (exept for that cleverly inserted 'I love Linalee' bit) made it sound like he's in love with you, what with all the awesome adjetives. Just thought I'd let you know that you probably made some yullen fangirls very happy. Good luck with that.

-Thank you for realising that I don't do relationship's. Book-men don't have time for relationship's, that's why they are so Horney all the time. Even Book-man fell in love with that Noah, Lulubell.

Why did it sound gay? Che, I _did _kill him. Plus, I am no good at titles. If you haven't noticed the title on this whole report. Also, he _admires my manliness, which most fan girl's don't do for some reason. _Yullen fan girl's shouldn't be happy. I killed their idol. Unless they _like that. _

* * *

13. kenpachi-sama:

also alot of my guy friends like yaoi and well hehehehehe they are straight. also one of my teachers likes yaoi, he has a girlfriend. it was funny when we found out. me and my friend were looking through his teachers closet without permision, and there we found it a yullen yaoi book! it was super halarius. and no my teacher is not wierd, he acually put clorine in his hair to see if it would turn white for an expierment, and this is what he learned, brown hair turns red if you put clorine in it (he has brown hair) he is also super cool. we made an anime club inside the school for the first time and i had to write an eleven page report about why we should have an anime club. i am the secretary and i helped make the anime club. so this is to prove that straight guys and gay guys can also love yaoi, at any age. god i have alot of free time. i wrote two freaking long review what the hell?

Kenpachi-sama out!

-Your… Guy friends like yaoi?! AND they are straight?!? What?! You invaded your teachers personal space and found YULLEN!!?!? Wait, what you are telling me is that you went through a MALE teachers closet and found a yaoi about me and MOYASHI?!? He sounds like a nutcase, and he's going to get arrested sooner or later. Also, his hair is going to fall out.

You have an anime club? I bet all you do is talk about yaoi all day. Yes, you do have a lot of free time. Wait a second… you have two reviews?!

* * *

14. kenpachi-sama: (AGAIN!)

well, why people like yaoi is (mostly girls and some guys) is (in my opinion) that homosexual relationships are acually some of the best relaionships, and some of the best relaionships you can write about. for one thing it is either forrbiden* (can't spell), the person the charecter likes is stright, and alot of other things. Also, why they pair you up with allen and lavi is that girls like two sexy guys with each other plain and simple. did you know that d. grey man, and hitman reborn are the two top straight animes that you can put alot of yaoi parrings? it is true. and why the put you with tiki (butterfly guy) is that they find elasped times in the anime, fil in thoses gapes with the encounter of that charecter and there is the story and the yaoi. i personly like you as the 'seme' (the person that is on top if you know what i mean. and the one that is in charge) i hate you in yaois that you are the "yuki" (sorry don't know how to spell. it is true that you are straight in the anime it just well we are board at home and we need something to do also why people call you a girl is that they haven't seen really hot guys before. it is not your hair, and if you cut it off i will personaly kill you. lavi in the anime is not gay well maybe 'lavi' is but 'deak' is not. if you don't know who 'deak' i he is the 48th personality of lavi's. 'lavi' is just pretending to be you guys friends, and acting like n idiot on purpose. he acually acts like you, crazy huh?! also i hate leenalee with any of you guys includes lavi, you, and allen. to me she just gets in the way. sorry for all leenalee fans i am sorry just expressing. my friend also got me into yaoi, and well the first anime that had really good anime yaoi couples was yours, sorry. i will gradly say though that you are awsome, sexy, cool and perfect. also i was you for hallowen, surprisingly alot of my friend say i look like you but i tell them i do not look like you. literally where did they get a mexican (thats me) looks like an asin (thats you) its just because i am white and have asin eyes, no offense. hop-e this helped you i think. please don't kill me with your cool katana *hides under table* hope you don't kill me and you finish your homework report!!

Kenpachi-sama out!

-… What a long _second review. _It makes my eyes hurt just looking at it. -man is very straight, which I guess is why people make pairings for it. But as for filling the gap's in with ME and TYKI, that's just stupid. They should follow the _real _storyline, and see that we hardly even meet each other.

I AM a seme, I know what it mean's. And the other is 'Uke,' not 'Yuki.' Yes, I can see that girl's are bored. They… haven't seen hot guy's before? That, or they are just blind, as people keep telling me. And you can _try _and kill me, but I assure you, I'm not cutting my hair off.

'Lavi' certainly has a different frame of mind to 'Deak.' I think he does like us, he just stray's from his actual job of being a Book-man. I think he is just sick and tired of just sitting on the sidelines, as Book-men have to do. Ugghh, why am I talking about Lavi like this?! He's a moron!!

Lot's of people hate Lenalee for some reason. I like your compliments. Seeing as I am in a good mood today, I will accept them. _Thank you. _Wait, you were ME for Halloween? As in, Cosplay?! I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or not, but I know that in some place's Halloween is just an excuse for cosplaying. (I'm talking about America, of course.)

Your Mexican, I'm Japanese. Mexican's are supposed to have tanned skin, do they not? I mean, they live in a very sunny country. I'm pale. Your friends really are blind. I won't kill you with Mugen. I will just threaten you silently with it.

Now that I'm done with your very long review's, I can honestly say that _that _was tiring to write.

* * *

15. E. R Burke:

Wow Kanda... That short little story was pure poetry. Or something like that.

I'm going to say that KandaxNo-one is the most logical answer. In all honesty, it's not as if you give a care in the world about relationships. Lavi will get a girl... maybe... eventually... If he doesn't somehow offend her first... And then, 'Moyashi' rather likes Lenalee.  
As for your hair, if you're still going to keep it tied back, you should try making the pony-tail lower. It's more recognizably male that way.

-Thank you. I thought my writing was fine.

I DON'T care about relationships, but only a few people can see that. Lavi will TRY to get a girl, then she will realise her mistake and dump him. He is _too friendly _to everyone, if you know what I mean.

Moyashi has a thing with her, and her, him. I mean, they dream about each other. What the hell. And if I make my ponytail lower, then it wouldn't be Japanese, which would make it pointless. I actually prefer my hair out, though it get's in the way more.

* * *

16. kimi-chanchan:

I have to tell the truth. That fanfic made me laugh! I really liked it. Hurry with the Lavi fanfic would you. Why did you think Allen would think Mugen is sexy? That's weird even for you to say. P.S.: I am a girl you know (You probably knew that already.) Now back with the Yaoi. I am not really obsessed with it, but I do enjoy reading it. Also people call you a girl because of your long hair. What other reason would there be? You look like a girl? No you don't. Allen, I have to say looks kinda like one.

-Glad you liked it. Did you like my Lavi fanfic? I _loved _it. Moyashi would think Mugen is sexy, because one, it is, and two, he's jealous. Really, really jealous, because I have a beautiful sword with a fine cut and he was an ugly, cursed arm.

I knew, your name has 'chan' in it. I'm glad your not obsessed and wasting your life over it. My hair is an ongoing issue with me looking feminine (which I don't). Moyashi on the other hand, is a total woman. I mean, he cries constantly, and he has big, round eye's like a female. That loser.

* * *

17. ScarredWitch:

(Forced, angry laugh)

Okay, before I say anything, let's get one thing straight, especially since you called me a 'Bastard,' an insult usually directed at men, nowadays, ...I'M A GIRL, YOU INGRATE! A TEENAGE GIRL WELL ON HER WAY IN THE WORLD! CAN YOU NOT SEE THE "WITCH" PART OF MY NAME?!! THAT WAS WHAT A WOMAN WHO PRACTICED MAGIC WOULD BE CALLED, IS IT NOT?!! So, IF you're ever going to insult me again, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO EMPLOY A GENDER-APPROPRIATE INSULT, you son-of-a-gun whose temper is SHORTER than Allen Walker's DIMINUTIVE height!! I don't care if it is the ULTIMATE insult of the world, I'LL COMPARE EVEN MORE OF YOU TO ALLEN IF YOU EVER MISTAKE ME AGAIN! YOU DON'T SCARE ME!

(See, I have a temper, too! At least I DON'T DENY IT!)

Okay, let's get on to business. First of all, as a member of the western world, I have to say it is not stupid! It's just that most of its inhabitants haven't really studied world cultures! AND DON'T SAY OUR HAIRCUTS ARE WEIRD!

Look, it's not that girls like Yaoi because they get nosebleeds (they might as well have a coconut hit them in the nose!), the nosebleeds are a side effect. These girls read Yaoi because, for some reason I'm not sure yet, it's better than reading girl/boy stories. I'm not sure, I guess they don't like reading about an attractive boy kissing another girl. In some cases, the stories can be very romantic and tender. But, this from a girl's point-of-view;  
I'm not sure how you would gag at that.

Can you see the logic in that??

And, I thank you for your admiration of my boy/girl stories, but know this: I write my own stories, with my own characters. Do not assume that I even write FAN FICTION! That's the only reason I read Yaoi, to get some ideas about any romantic scenes that could happen with my main characters (it's the whole hero/heroine concept, I take a bit of this story, I mix it up and change it and I add it in to the story). I am neutral on the idea of Yaoi. Do not EVER assume ANYTHING about me AGAIN! I HATE it when people think they know what wrong with me or they think they know what I like, I HATE IT! AND WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S STRANGE THAT I HATE PINK AND THAT I'M A BLACK-AND-SILVER KIND OF GIRL!!

*exhales* Sorry, had an anger moment there.

As for the question of how men engage in love...do you really want to know? Because trust me, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

And put that away! *whacks Mugen away* I'm not a fighter, but I'm not afraid of someone who's just a year older than I am.

By the way, it's not about people who care too much, it's about people who care about you. You are reckless when it comes to battles, and I know about the lotus. It don't matter if you like your "friends," they just want you to be around as long as possible. I'm not asking you to care, I just want you to know that.

*Exhausted Sigh* Phew! This takes longer than my drawings, but anyway! Yes, I have a question and I am not asking for your permission. I heard from a friend that you are interested in gardening, according to the -Man Fan Book he read. I'm not sure whether or not I believe him, but is that true? (AND DON'T CALL ME AN IDIOT!! (Yes, I know what "baka" means.))

Until Next Time,  
The Scarred Witch

P.S.  
I read some of the replies you sent to your reviewers, some of which made me laugh my head off, but still - DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT WE GIRLS HAVE NOTHING TO DO!! SURE, THERE ARE THOSE EVIL, BITCHY, PINK CLAD FASHION-ZOMBIE BULLIES THAT HURT OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS, AND HAVE NO BRAINS WHATSOEVER, BUT THERE ARE GIRLS OUT THERE WITH PRIDE! WHO WORK HARD IN SCHOOL, ARE DEDICATED TO THEIR OWN MANGA STORIES AND ARTWORKS, AND WANT TO STUDY WORLD CULTURE OR SCIENCE IN THE FUTURE! (Do not compare to the scientists at the Black Order).

And, uh, what you did in your reply to ShiraiHime's review...I beg you, please, PLEASE don't EVER do that again! No, it was NOT funny!! I almost lost all respect that I have for you, so, as a fan, PLEASE DON'T EVER DO "THAT" AGAIN!

-HAH! I was waiting for this. I _knew _this was coming. Bring it on.

A manly insult is nothing, when you have hoards of people calling you a GIRL. Also, you want to shout? FINE.

I'M NOT AN INGRATE, AND I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NAME, BAKA!! HOW ABOUT YOU COME TO THE ORDER AND INSULT ME WHERE I CAN ACTUALLY HURT YOU, EH?! AND MY TEMPER IS FINE, LONGER THAN YOURS IN FACT!! I SHOULD SCARE YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE _NOTHING _TO ME!! AND ME AND MOYASHI HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON AT ALL!!!

I DENY IT BECAUSE I USUALLY IGNORE IGNORANT PEOPLE!!

Western-world girl, _most _of your people haven't studied Asia and the other eastern parts. They just think they know a lot because they watch anime a lot. And your hair-cut's _are _weird! I am entitled to opinion!!

If a coconut hit girls in the nose, their nose would be broken and then they would be crying. Yaoi has the same effect, hm? Che, I can't see how it would be more interesting than reading girl/boy stories, which are a lot harder to write because you need to stick to the character's personalities more. I think some of these girls are jealous that people like Lenalee hang around with Moyashi so much.

I can see the logic in _that._

You write with your own character's, then. Fair enough. I hate it when people assume things about _me, _like when they think I like MEN or that I want to be stuck in a room with the MOYASHI. It's annoying, isn't it? I like the colour blue. Or black. I hate pink.

Actually, I don't want to know. I'll have nightmares.

Oh, you are 17? Interesting. I thought you were Moyashi's age or something. (Hah, I'm assuming things about you again.) And don't _touch _Mugen. Only I touch Mugen. It's mine, and I am not afraid to say that I have possession issues.

I _am_ reckless. But I want to win. I was very careless when it came to that battle with that Noah, Skinn. And now, I have been forced to be careful with it. People care to much, however, and it's awkward, because I don't know what to say to them back. And it's _that _that annoys me the most. I wont be around too long, the way thing's are working out…

Ugghh, you got me all sentimental!! I hate you!! I hate you so much, I am going to personally dismantle your body!!

You draw? I draw, sometimes. I use ink and Japanese art pen's, though it is hard to find good ink sometimes. And about your question. It seems like a cruel joke to me. No, I don't like gardening. I only know about Lotus flower's, because I have to. Other than that, I know next to nothing about flower's. I said so when I went to the village with the 'witch' in it.

Congratulation's, you know a fragment of Japanese! (I am being sarcastic.)

True, there are SOME girl's like that. However, most girls I encounter are _not _like that. I have the feeling that the second half of that rant is _YOU, _not girls in general. I don't think I could compare them to the people of the Order, who have dedicated their lives to innocence.

You don't like internet talk, eh?

Zomg wat u talkin bout I dunt no wat 'that' is lol speak English plz kthnx.

(Hah! Take that, baka!!)

* * *

18. Replica of Twilight

Now, now Kanda be rational.

First off I hate Yullen pairings, there are a billion stories. I do read Yoai, and a magority of the fact is that girls love hot men, you are considered hot. (though addmitedly I liked to make fun of you when i first started reading -Man.)

I speak the language of Komui, hate the sin, not the sinner,  
Hate horamones, not Yoai.

Truthfully people who read yoai are usually girls who are single and bored, and have not hot guys in their town, thus endulging themselves in fictional hot men and their romantic struggles.  
Thank you and have a nice day.

-Good. I'm glad you share the Yullen hate. I don't want to be considered hot by these people, _I don't know them. _But they don't listen to me, so I don't bother. You _liked _to make fun of me? How nice. _Thank you for admitting that. _

Komui doesn't know what he is talking about. He's an idiot. I _do _hate hormones. And Yoai.

Yes, single and bored girls fit the category nicely. I like your explanation. Yours has to be the one that makes the most sense so far.

_Thank you. Have a nice day too._

* * *

19. Seengot:

Dear Yuu,

We like:  
1. A good three-some between Lavi, Allen, and you.  
2. LaviXAllen  
3. SoubiXRitsuka (Wait, does that even count?)

We know your gay, so hurry up and come out of the closet. Your life will be much easier.  
We also know you will end up losing your virginity to Lavi. (Or would it be Allen?)  
Also, If you want people to stop mistaking you as a girl, just get a gender change! Then people will mistake you for a man!  
Oh we're so smart!

- ANOTHER person with the 'three-somes.' WHAT possesses you to like that nonsense?! It's disgusting, and WILL NEVER, EVER happen!! LaviXAllen is more likely. We all know that Moyashi is so girly, he could practically BE a girl, and Lavi just likes to touch people.

Who the hell is Soubi, or Ritsuka? What girly names.

I'm not gay, and my life is perfect as it is. I should know, because _who knows me better than me?! _Ugghhhh!! Loose my virginity to LAVI?! Can men even loose their virginity to other men?! And if they could, then it wouldn't be with LAVI OR MOYASHI.

I am NOT getting a gender change. Your theory makes no sense, but it _is amusing. _How long did it take you to think of that?! Then I would get _guy's _drooling over me!! Che!!

* * *

20. Kiarra-Chan:

LAVI! RUN! Ok, "Fangirl Momment" is over. I'm a fan of AllenXLenalee, it's a really cute pairing if it's written in the right way. Also you & Lavi is starting to grow on me as a friendship pairing. You & Lenalee seem to act as siblings whenever you two are alone in the actual storyline of the Manga, so I've already rule that one out as an actual pairing. If you want a reason to kill Lavi read my "Poker Faces, Pranks, & Mysterious Vials" fan fiction. Just don't kill me.  
(If you need a better program there's a site that I know of that's a spellcheck site. My computer has the same problem as your's does, so I use that site all the time. It's either that of I'd recommend finding a Beta for this.)

-Lavi can't escape, he's dead now. (Well, in my fic he is... If only he was dead in real life, too.) AllenXLenalee is bound to happen eventually. Good, because then he can't get paired with me. Also, it's so obvious. Me and Lenalee are like siblings, since us two have known each other for eight year's now. I allow her to hit me with clipboards. Oh, I will see that fanfiction. If it's Yaoi, I will kill you.

I don't like Beta's. I would rather find that site. I'll go on a hunt for it.

I am seriously going to read that fic. Be warned, I will come after you.

* * *

21. Timcanpy:

Yuu-chan, this IS a fanfic... o.o  
Yuu-chan, you really do have weird issues on your tiny skit...  
at least you made a lucky guess on moyashi loving Lenalee.  
also I love being asexual. :) you can do whatever you want. right right asexual man? if you get kicked out, then I can't play with Yuu... besides, this is how Yuu-chan really is right?

tim can do ANYTHING!! :D  
you just don't see me do many things because you don't pay attention to MY master.  
no i put everything to me. have to do everything myself. (the real me)  
the real me really does want to be gay, but i ended up being a girl.  
if you don't want to look bad, then be slightly nicer :) Yuu's always nice to Lenalee.

hm... his existence is really amusing though... and all i can say is: i'm just saying.  
if i said "stupid" then... wouldn't that be mean? you're pushing myself to being a bullying... which i'm trying to get away from that for a while but i ended up becoming one anyway.  
i'm not going to say the last part and grammar thing, but hope Yuu-chan can read well.

I'm going to wait for your next report. (laughs)

-Grrrr, it's _you _again. It wasn't a fanfic before I put fanfiction in it, duh. And since when did you have permission to call me 'Yuu-chan,' you annoying little ball?! Moyashi DOES love Lenalee. And you would have to be asexual. No-one would fall in love with you or engage in sexual act's with a gold ball with really sharp teeth.

I will make sure I don't get kicked out. You can play with my golem or something, just leave me the hell alone, you _pawn of the Moyashi. _

Tim, you can do _nothing. _Of course, I hate your master, I don't want to look at him. And what are you talking about? The real you IS a ball. You are a gold ball that lives in Moyashi's shirt, Ne? I'm nice to Lenalee because she doesn't torment me like the other's do.

His existence is meaningless. He cannot fight to save his life. Be a bully, you know that your master is just using you and doesn't love you. I can read very well, _thank-you _very much.

Wait away, Baka. And tell your master to stop attempting conversation with me. _I don't want it. _

* * *

22. kitten. dream:

Thanks for your comments Kanda...  
Anyway, my favourite pairing out of the three would actually be 1. Kanda X No-one

_-No problem. _Im glad to see more people supporting KandaXNo-one, because it seriously is the best. You didn't have to choose mine, you know. You could have said your own pairings. Mine are just _my favourites. _

* * *

23. SengetsuPwnzU:

NO! NOT THE ADORABLE LITTLE ALLEN-KUN! *sobs*...ok im over it

ok, now im going to respond to what you've learned k? well yes or now im gonna doit anyway  
1)no **!! well unless they're gay or something  
2)only a few, but they mostly write that cause thats what happens in a anime/manga  
3)you are!! your smokin' hot yet at the same time kinda girlie-ish  
4)NEVVA! its too smexxii to give up with it!  
5)true...but you get paired with Allen more though

any now my favorite pairing  
KandaXAllen  
LaviXTyki  
AllenXKanda  
haha! XP

-_Hah._ I'm glad you enjoyed my little fanfiction.

1. Quite a lot of people have told me that they have male friend's that like Yaoi. I don't even want to know.

2. I don't understand _why _they have nosebleeds, though. Since when does that happen?!

3. … I have nothing to say about that. _Though I'm not girly-ish._

4. No, it's hideous! I hate it so much, that damned Moyashi, I'll rend him in two!!

5. I know. It's unfortunate, ne?

As for your pairings, they are quite standard. Why is your number three the same as your number one? Can't you count? It doesn't matter which way you put it, it's still disgusting.

* * *

24. Boss-07:

All right, even though you've asked a new question, I'm going to respond to the first one. Sorry if that annoys you, but I've got a theory that I believe to be relatively valid. Research has shown that roughly 70-80% of fanfiction writers are female. Of that 70-80%, probably 50% or more have written a story with some form of yaoi in it.

You relaize what this means, right? Girls are actually just as perverted as guys, but instead of being open about it like most guys are, they keep their fantasies to themselves. After all of this build-up, they find fanfiction and suddenly have a way to release all those pent up thoughts in a way that can be completely anonymous (keeping their thoughts hidden from people they know) and is relatively under the radar of most everyday folk. This way, they can be perverts and still blame us guys for acting the exact same way without having to worry about being called hypocrites.

Oh, and maybe people like to see you as a girl so that they can justify pairing you and Allen/Lavi/otherhotguy together. Just an afterthought...

Now my points may seem a little far-fetched, but I think even if they're not completely right they have some truth to them. I don't enjoy reading yaoi at all. It's not really the concept that bother's me, but the execution. Most of the time, they jump right into the relationship (which is not normal in real life) and give no reason WHY they feel the way they do. Most of the time it's "oh we're both attracted to each other so let's get together without any real development to our relationship and still be completely in love!"

The main reason for this is a simple fact: girls do not know how a gay guy really thinks or acts. They have never been a gay guy (although I suppose with science these days anything is possible...) and write what the ones in their fantasies do, completely ignoring the reality. Now even though it could be said that heterosexual fanfiction writers make up how two characters would interact with each other in a relationship, it's not the same. When writing a boyxgirl story, heterosexual writers KNOW how to at least write one of the characters, being that they will be the same gender. However, when a girl writes a boyxboy story, she has the problem of not being able to easily identify with either male.

Now I'm not saying that a girl can't write a successful yaoi story. I'm just saying that due to handicaps and little to no information regarding real gay guys or relationships, most are the bad drivel that we see so commonly. So there's my two-cents Kanda. Although now that I look back, it seems more like 60 cents...

Stay cool, Kanda.

~Boss-07

-Your theory is well thought out. I see what you mean about perverted girls keeping themselves to themselves. After all, their reputation would be ruined if it ever got out about what they were writing. I don't know why more guys don't write fanfiction, really.

Che, girl's. I know, we have such a bad reputation for being perverted, when the world hasn't seen what they are _writing online._

_I get it. _One of those stories where it starts off with the people in love, with no real thought at all. They miss the point of 'being in love' completely. These stories on here even have situations which involve me and Moyashi as children; we didn't even know each other when we were children!

Your part about the 'girl not knowing how a guy thinks' is completely rational. Maybe this is why there is always a 'uke' or more feminine character in the relationship?

Thank you for making sense. You are one of the few that do.

* * *

And so the fun train continues. What I have learnt from this chapter:

1. MOYASHI. I _detest YULLEN!! _It is the most popular pairing.

2. LaviXTyki is popular, too. Then again, so is MoyashiXLavi.

3. People hate Lenalee?

4. Straight guys sometimes read Yaoi, for some odd reason.

5. I need sleep… some of these comments keep me up at night.

NEXT QUESTION:

This one is the last question. And this is serious.

WHY DO PEOPLE WRITE MPREG?!

I mean, it doesn't even make sense!! I expect answers to be a thought out, _please_.

From, Kanda.

Ps: Grammar Nazi's are welcome here.

Pps: I am nearly finished the report!!


	4. Che, so many comments

* * *

So here we are _again. _I am so tired, screw these comments, screw the report!! I hate Komui!! Hate him!!

And damn it, Lavi is talking to me again after not talking to me for about a day after looking at my fanfiction. _Baka-rabbit, I wanted you to leave me alone!!_

Anyhow, no fanfiction this time. To the people that wanted me to kill Chaoji:

I can kill Moyashi or Baka-rabbit, because they are nobodies. If I was to kill Chaoji, who is in my team under General Tiedoll, do you know what would happen to me if he found out? Exactly, I would _not be spared _(I don't fear my Master, but he is wise so I do listen to him and respect him, that fool).

(I even had an email about killing Chaoji. That email had a long list of people to kill.)

Fuck whatever I was writing, I cannot think today.

Che, I am in a bad mood.

* * *

Review's:

1. Ashka-chan:

Kanda-san,  
Fanfiction is something that often is far from any logic. Personally, I think Mpreg and yaoi are sick. I can't stand them.  
But the most disturbing thing is why does people pair characters that can't stand eachother? Well... I can imagine AllenxLavi but KaandaxAllen?? Never.  
Back to the topic. Why people write stuff like mpreg? I think they just want to see what the children of their favorite pairing would be like. Maybe they think it's funny, especially when one of characters looks like a girl. Or maybe they want to torture the character. Who knows. Anyways, I still think it's sick.

By the way, Allen's my favorite in DGM, you are my last favorite (because I can't stand you're behavior). Just want you to know.

~Ashka

-Fanfiction _defies ALL logic. _Even mine (though, I hate to admit it). Thank god, they _are _sick. Yaoi is bad, but MPREG… uugghh.

THANK GOD. Someone with _sense. _Is it not obvious that I hate Moyashi?! Do I have to try and hate him more?! I mean, it's not like I don't have a reason for hating him (I have many)! I just don't understand where the baby comes from. Where? How?!

What is _wrong with my behaviour? _

* * *

2. ShiraiHime:

I got really scared after reading your reply, like, seriously. I almost didn't have the courage to read the rest of your reply haha xD

Mpreg?Uh, let's see, I think I've heard that somewhere before..What is it...*searches on Wikipedia*...OH. Male Pregnancy huh? *scrunches face* I know this is going a little off topic, but I really can't imagine a male getting pregnant. I mean sure, it can be pretty damn amusing when they start doing funny things pregnant people do, but I REALLY can't imagine a guy being a preggie.

I guess people write mpreg because they'd love to see a child of two bishounen, which would inevitably be attractive, considering the fathers' than that, I suppose it's rather amusing to write the uke being pregnant and having cravings/being over-emotional.*shrugs* I really have no other way to answer that question..I don't read any mpregs unless they're by my idol nowadays. I really just prefer you and Moyashi-chan being lovey-dovey or *coughcoughcough* (you get what I mean, gosh I can't believe I'm fourteen sometimes),and that's pretty much all.

By the way, did you know that there are some fics with you being married? And you know me-I only click on YULLEN. Piece it together.

WAIT WHAT. THAT'S THE LAST QUESTION!? YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! You just can't!! I love this report too much for it to end!! I'll call you Kanda-dono from now on!! A-And I've always believed in you being the seme!I SWEAR!!I CAN NEVER IMAGINE ALLEN TOPPING YOU!! PLEASE DON'T END THE REPORT SO FAST!!*bawls*

バカンダ ❤ モヤシ

YOU'RE JAPANESE RIGHT!?WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT HUH!?*has a tendency to start ranting after crying* I SURE AS HELL HOPE IT SHOWS UP AS KATAKANA CHARACTERS ON YOUR COM, BAKANDA!!

ユレン FTW (piece THIS one together)

-ShiraiHime

*sulks in a corner*

-You better be scared.

You didn't know what it was before? I think a very small majority of the world can imagine men pregnant (the weird people). But how can a man _be _pregnant to produce a baby? It makes no sense. If you want someone to be all overemotional and have cravings, just write about Moyashi, who is/has both.

… _You are fourteen._

_Fourteen._

… I don't even know if I should be talking to you right now. _Me and Moyashi? Married?! _Is that even legal?!

_Kanda-dono, _eh? Sounds nice. Moyashi cannot top me, and never will. _He can't even reach me, that short-ass. _I have no more questions, and I am getting addicted to the 'internet'. Not a good thing.

What do I say to that? I say: you have no authority to use that nickname, and yes, he is a Moyashi. Your characters show up fine. And don't be so emotional, just because you are _fourteen, _doesn't mean you can act like that. When _I _was fourteen, I was as I am now (You are seriously fourteen?! What does your mother say about that?! You go on fanfiction! Much too young!!).

Che, you have Yullen issues.

I'll find something to do with this report...

* * *

3. Kiete:

Whoo..

Oh. Now I feel stupid. Took me a good minute to figure out where the 'review' button had gone.. :/

Yes, actually, thank you for asking. I'm still bored. English sucks. AP classes suck. Homework sucks. DD: I could go on for a while, but I won't waste your time. And to clear things up, Opus Dei is a Catholic sect where they like, pledge to be asexual forever and like.. indulge in self-punishment. Now, I don't think you're doing the self-punishment, but the asexual-bit... xDD Mmyeah.

Yes. I am a very one-pairing person. I mean, LaviMiranda is cute, if Lavi could figure out how to actually interact with a woman without making her cry or scaring her off, which -does- take a little tweaking of maturity levels, but... Meh. And let's not get back on the topic of my crazy friends.. Heh-heh? Or how tall I am.. -crosses arms- I don't like it. I want to be shorter. Jesus... I wish I was shorter. :/ Oh well. No use crying over spilt milk and all that jazz.

To your current topic.

GAG. Please, please, -please- shoot whoever came up with mpreg. That's disgusting. And just wrong on so many levels, I can't even start. That's so gross. And wrong. And just... not right. Unless there's a gender-switch involved, in which case it becomes a straight pairing and is –not- mpreg any more. But aside from that, it's gross and disgusting and lots of other adjectives that I'm –way- too lazy to think up. Personally, I don't see why someone would write an mpreg fic. Not only is it wrong on the biological level, it just... twists the point of a character beyond the point of no return! I mean, having a freakin' –baby- is something that you can't just forget about after it happens! Not only are you left with the physical reminder of the nine months of –hell- you went through, it does –horrors- to your body!

Sorry if I sound a little bitter. Pregnancy is a sore spot with me 'cause I had to grow up with a little baby in the house. GAG. Everyone's always like "Oh, babies are so cute," and "babies never cry," and "I can't wait to have lots and lots of babies –because- they're cute and don't cry," and I'm just like "STFU." People are stupid. And Jesus, I sound so bitter. xDD

Well.. on the other hand, I could sort of imagine writing an mpreg fic within good reason. It would be a good way to develop a character, since it –does- take nine months for a living bundle of hell to be born, and that's more than ample time to develop a satisfactory character. Plus, I could totally get wanting to have your favorite character with an offspring of their own — put on that point, couldn't you just have them –adopt-? People are –screwed up,- all right. There's really no other way to put it.

Let's see.. Mpreg is just... I dunno. It doesn't seem logical. It's just like, outside the realm of possibilities, which is why they write it, I guess. It's fanfiction, so people can kind of take their ideas and put them to things that nobody else would ever thing of –because- it's fanfiction. I don't know. This is too analytical for so late at night..

Forgive my mistakes, my fingers feel kind of clumsy right now. And just by the way, I did like your changes. The only thing there was that you forgot to capitalize 'can' in the beginning of that sentence. C: Good luck again, I'm so outta here.

Peace out.

-I am guessing someone's tired?

Hello, my bored friend. I know how you feel, everything generally sucks over here, too. I think people are starting to get suspicious over the amount of time I spend on a computer. This catholic thing sounds good… _except _for that self punishment bit. I spent years perfecting my body; why would I want to ruin it like that?

Lavi _has _no maturity level. He can be emo, though. You _want _to be shorter? Why? It's fun to be tall. You can make people scared of you.

Please _massacre _whoever came up with MPREG. I mean, none of the girls could even think about having a baby whilst in the Order, let alone the boys. It's horrible to even think about where it comes out or how it is made and all that stuff… _ugghh,_ I feel dirty for talking about it.

I don't blame you. I _hate _children. So inexperienced, so happy, they don't know _anything _about life at all. It's ok to be bitter, because that is better than keeping it in and then hurting someone later on. I am bitter all the time.

People don't think about adopting much, even though the _Moyashi _was technically adopted. Che, dumb-ass people, not knowing about other ways to get children!! If _I _was caught up in a weird pregnancy (which I wont) I would end up decapitating my partner. _No _children, please.

Fanfiction can only go so far. I don't see too many mistakes (haha, the tables have turned). Damn that lower-case letter, I was nearly at perfection!!

Maybe I should call you Kiete-sensei for teaching me grammar. I should, but I wont.

* * *

4. SengetsuPwnzU:

lmfao  
dude you are such a teme!! why are you so mean to deathangel338 shes 1 of my best friends!(even though i think/know you dont care)  
ok, this time im going to comment 2 your reply THEN what you learned

:--:--:--:

yes i am enjoying your fanfiction, why wouldnt I? im a Yuu Kanda Fangirl(not 1 of those "OMG!! KANDA!! I LOVE YOU!! PLEASE LET ME BEAR YOUR CHILD!" Fangirls though, its more of a "OMFG!! Hes smexxii!" Fangirl)

1, i have PLENTY of male friends that like Yaoi, and some arent even bi/gay!!  
2, i dont either, i guess they(the authors) just do that for comical uses  
3, girlie, girly big fukin diff. n yah u kinda are(sadly admits it)  
4, well hate it or love it that aint gonna stop other people from loving it so XP  
5, o.- to me? not really, to you? ...well think, if you ABSOLUTELY had to choose(and killing yourself/getting someone else to kill yourself is NOT an option) would you rather get paired with Allen or Lavi??  
actually theres is a difference, KandaXAllen your Seme, and AllenXKanda your Uke. Personally, i like you as Seme better ^,.,^

:--:--:--:

1, no ** its the most popular! everyone loves a good "mortal enemies fall in love with each other" story. THEY'RE ADDICTING!  
2, Tru Lucky is VERY popular but i dont understand how that paring came to be either. but i cant complain, HELL! i hav like 10 Lucky stories on my Favs!! n.n  
3, of course we hate Lenalee! SHES TRYING TO STEAL ALLEN FROM YOU! lol jk jk but yah it is kinda tru with most of the people that like that pairing  
4, same as num. 1 in begining of this (SUPER LONG) review  
5, o.- yah uh huh the COMMENTS are keeping you up *cough* masterbating*cough* -innocent smile-  
mprep...? thats when a dude gets pregnant, right?

oh and 1 more thing...-gets knife and cuts your head clean off- THAT! ..was for lavi you bastard. I'd call you a evil homocital bastard but im also evil and...truthfully i think about killing alot too(not in a totally unheathy way though)  
ok finally time to end the absolutely longest review i ha EVER written and leave so -kisses cheak of your now detatched head and disappears- ^,.,^

-Haven't got to her yet. You're right, I don't really care.

I like your type of fan girl much more that the first type. How can your male friends like Yaoi? It makes no sense! AND I AM NOT GIRLY!!

… If I had to choose out of getting paired with _Allen _or Lavi?! … Ughh… _Lavi. _Now can someone kill me?! I am NOT an UKE. And I never will be. Un-favourite all your Lucky stories, before they consume you. And don't hate Lenalee, she has done nothing wrong in _stealing _Moyashi.

… OK WHAT?!? HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW ME?!? WHY WOULD I STAY UP ALL NIGHT DOING _THAT _WHEN I COULD BE SLEEPING?!? BAKA!!

_Grrr, _I feel so violated. You can try to cut my head off, but the internet stops you from hurting me. I don't think about killing a lot (unless it is about Moyashi or Akuma).

I make people write long reviews. _Don't _even touch me, you freak. My head is still on my shoulders. Heh.

* * *

5. EATnRunBandit:

Ari-chan: Hello. Sorry I did not review for the last two chapters. I just found this fic now, and I must say that it amuses me to quite an extent.

Well let's get cracking.  
First of all, to answer your question. Why do people write Mpreg?  
Well, personally, I have never written it. Ever. I think it's kind of weird because the male anatomy is not able to birth babies. If you know what I mean. But since other people like it (and since I consider myself a non-biased human) I believe that people should like what they like. And I support their beliefs and likes, while at the same time NOT agree with their opinions.  
But of course. I believe people like Mpreg because of one word. Fantasy. Everyone has fantasies and likes. And since no one is the same, some people can like yaoi and pregnant men, and some people may NOT like men making out.  
It's as simple as that.  
There is no explanation for the unknown. I mean, What the Hell? If we can't understand ourselves, how can we understand others?  
I hope that answered your question. Oh yeah, and by the way, since this is the first time reviewing to you, I guess I'll tell you my likes and dislikes. (As if you would want to hear me blabber away, but oh well. It's for the sake of your report).  
1.) Yes, I do like Yullen, unfortunately. However though, I really disagree on you two making out and the works (beep beep). I mean, I do admit that out of curiousity, I have read some, but I have come to dislike it and even be uncomfortable with. And since one of my friends like you a lot (I will not mention her name) I'm being forced to think that you and Allen would be better off as brothers or even friends. (You're probably scoffing at this aren't you?)  
2.) And Two. I don't really like other Yaoi pairings. Just Yullen, if that doesn't disappear from my like-list well. TykixLavi is just weird. I mean, Lavi hates Tyki's guts for almost killing Allen. The hate expression that Lavi had at that scene is still burned into my mind. And for you and Lavi, I don't need to say anything. I mean, come on. You don't think of Lavi that way. And Lavi isn't gay either. Besides, he always drools after busty women, going "Strike!" on them. (Example: Eliade)  
And I do consider that you are not interested in anyone at the current time, since you just love your work and duty so much. Also known as missions.  
(Oh yes, did you know that some people pair you with Mugen? And even your own father? I-I mean, Shishou?)  
3.) And I am not such a fan of AllenxLenalee. In fact, I'm kind of jealous of that. But I don't hold anything against Lenalee. I mean, she's nice and pretty. I can't really hold anything against her. Besides, I bet she makes great coffee. I'd like to try some someday. But if Allen likes her then...Whatever. He has the right to choose whoever he likes. No one's stopping him. (Except for Komui anyways)  
4.) As I have probably hinted in Number Three, I really like Allen a lot. No offense to you though. I think you'd be so cool as an older brother. I always admired you ever since I saw you in the manga. Even if you did act like a jerk and abused poor Buzz. But I was always stupidly positive that way. You are an awesome character in your own right. Even during that battle with Skin Boric, I always knew that you were alive. I mean, pssh. There is even a video on Youtube that honors your death. Seriously, people should give you some credit. If you say you won't die yet, then you won't die.  
Oh, yeah, But there is one thing that I'm ** off about you. Stop calling Allen ugly. Seriously. You can call him a Beansprout all you want(even my friend calls me this) but you ABSOLUTELY cannot call Allen ugly. That is just plain rude and very inconsiderate. How would you feel if you had an arm and hair and scar like Allen. He's been through a lot and I think you should respect that. That "ugly" arm of his is his innocence and that "whirly-thing" of his is the eye that Mana gave to him. It's the only remnant that his foster father gave to him. And his hair is from trama, which I already mentioned is the result of Allen's hardship.  
You should really think before you say anything.

[Sigh. Anyways, I seemed to vent out my anger on you. And I'm sorry for that. I just feel very serious about my views of life. Especially if they're about Allen. But let's stop talking about that. In fact, I should stop typing at all. This is turning out to be one long review. So a question for you, Kanda my man.  
The DGM Fan Book said that you liked Gardening. Is is this true? And Why do you like it as a hobby?]

-Glad you find it _amusing. _

I think 'fantasy' is stretched a bit too far in this instance. I just don't like there beliefs. I don't see how making a man, the gender that has never been able to have children, pregnant with another man as the father/mother/uncle whatever the hell the other guy is who is _not _having the baby. I mean, support other people, but _this _is unsupportable.

_Scoffing? Scoffing?! _We cannot even be in the same _room _without fighting, let alone being brothers or _friends. _But of course, I would rather be his _friend _than his _lover _anyway (which I am not). I can see how you would find it uncomfortable to read; would Moyashi _really _pounce on me in bed with no clothes on? I think not.

Lavi _hates _any Noah, but especially Tyki. I need to see that face he made. I think of Lavi as an annoying person who does annoying things!! Lavi _isn't _gay? Maybe not. However, some of his behaviour makes me think otherwise.

Of course, I have to love my work-

… _Wait a second. _

ME AND MUGEN. MUGEN. THE SWORD. (Ok, you know what?! I HAVE HAD IT. I am going to rant at the end of this chapter!!!)

And _wait. _

ME AND MY MASTER. TIEDOLL. THAT OLD GEEZER?!?! But that's sick!! He see's me as his _son _and nothing else!! How revolting!! I don't even want him as a father!! Egghh!! (I am so sickened!!)

I _will _calm down… grrr… yes, Lenalee does make good coffee. Everyone in the Order drinks it. I am glad you don't hold anything against her. No-one really has the right to. Komui would _gut Moyashi alive _if they were ever caught together. I would like to see that.

… _It's ok to like Moyashi, if you want (grrr). _Che, Buzz? Who gives a damn about him?! I am glad you admire me, and knew I was alive. Like I was going to loose to an idiot like that. Youtube? That site with videos on it? I am going to see _that. _I am _not _going to die.

A serious Moyashi fan, unlike some of the others. If he can make fun of my hair, then I can make fun of his eye. If he tries to be nice to me, I make fun of his arm. He is _cursed, _after all. And Innocence, though close to its wielder, is still just a tool, parasitic or not. To respect an object; to respect _that _arm would be respecting _him, _and although he has done a lot of good things in his life, I cannot show respect for him. I don't like his nature, and I don't expect him to change for me (nor do I want him to). I know nothing of his past; he wouldn't tell me, and I don't really want to know.

We are all serious about things that mean a lot to us.

Tch, that hobby thing again? Damn Hoshino-sensei! I hate it when she writes stuff about me like that!! No, I don't like gardening, I just happen to know a lot about Lotus flower's. I _have _to.

Ari-chan, you are very smart, aren't you? Good for you, stay that way.

* * *

6. deathangel338:

ok first sorry if I offened you before but you don't have to be so stringy(sp?) and to answer your question i'm not really sure the first time i read one it was weird so i guess it's either out of boredom or something else by the way the one you got from SengetsuPwnzU(my sister) the order of the name usually means who's seme and who's uke in the story so aparently(sp?) she likes to see you as uke sometimes. for the record the i have seen meny people fall in love with their bestfriend or worst enemy in anime and real life so you can't blame me for thinking that way

-You didn't offend me at all. Stringy?! What is that supposed to mean?!

Oh yes, I heard about that. AllenXKanda means that I am the Uke or something (Psh, like that would ever happen). I will never be an UKE, _never. _And so you know, in anime, stories like that are created to make a storyline interesting. Then again, I don't really know anybody in real life that I have ever seen fall in love. Maybe one day, that will happen to someone. I am looking at Lenalee and Allen.

* * *

7. kimi-chanchan:

Also I know how it feels to be called a different gender. People call me a cave man, lesbian, etc because I am a TOMBOY! I don't why they do that. So I really feel your pain and anger. Also I know I reviewed two times. I wanted to mention this badly.  
Also I am NOT lesbian and I don not look like a CAVE MAN. I swear my friends are just bastards.

Listen, Kanda-sama, I ADORED your fic! Yea, seriously, I was listening to the song Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, and well I thought it was PERFECT match! I was daydreaming about it (because that's what music does to me) and WoW...

Also I had to look up what was MPREG was...and MALE PREGANCY!?! WTF? Not pretty. Never read it and never will.  
AND STRAIGHT GUYS READ YAOI!?!? I feel sick...

Also I really don't know why people hate Lenalee to tell the truth. Maybe it's natural because of people getting in the way of you and Allen. Seriously. I don't care.

I actually tried reading HET with Allen and Lenalee. I ended up reading a very GRAPHIC one (but I didn't read the whole thing only two sentences *shudders*). I almost actually tried through my PSP to the wall. Yea I read stuff on it...Allen will probably NEVER have the courage to tell Lenalee ANYTHING.

Also I agree with you BIG TIME. Allen is seriously jealous. Yea I like swords...mostly long, broad katanas...Although your sword is awesome too.

And Allen cries A LOT. What happened to his life? His life ** up. ^^ He is maybe transexual...xD Anyway, why hasn't anyone thought of that!? Also what does asexual exactly mean?

Also I like your writing! It's detailed a lot. I was even going to ask for your help becuase I need more violent words for my Killer Ghost fic. You can check it out if you want. Allen life in the fic is so going to be very ** UP.

Also my friends and I looked you up on the internet and they agreed that you DO NOT look like a girl!

So I guess that's it...Also you are now on my fave author's list.

Kimi-Chan

-If they ever called ME anything like that, I would rip them in half!! Do that!! Don't take anything from anyone!! Abandon your friends, or think of equally as nasty nicknames for them, like Moyashi.

I see your double post. I put them together. I am glad you enjoyed the fic. And wow, you had to look up MPREG? You're the second person to do that. I guess some people just don't know what it is (it worries me that I know what it is).

I know!! Straight guys read Yaoi for some reason!! And MPREG is disgusting!! And Lenalee doesn't get in the way of _anything. _Uggghhh… graphic scenes of Lenalee and Moyashi… that's _horrible, _but normal. Better her than me. And Moyashi is timid.

He is _seriously _jealous!! I can cut him in two!! I sense innuendo in your words… and my sword _is _a katana, just a little thinner and sleeker-tipped (no innuendo there, don't you _dare_ accuse me of anything).

I think he cries more than _Lenalee. _I don't think he is a transsexual, however. Or maybe… _egghh. _And when you are 'Asexual' it means 'without sexual desire or activity', meaning I don't like _anyone. _

Why thank you. I don't write that good, but I think I do ok to not be kicked off the site. You want me to look at a fic? If it's not Yaoi, then I words? Like what? When I see your fic, I will see what I can do. But don't expect no expert help!! People have to learn to do things there selves!!

_THANK YOU. _You and your friends deserve to be hailed.

Che… _Arigato, _I guess.

* * *

8. Kiarra-Chan:

I'm glad you read it! Your review was awsome! Anywho, I honestly have no idea why some write MPreg. It baffles me why they do. Now, I've never read one of those fics because, I tend to shy away from them. (Which is sad because, I've been on this site for about 3 years now...) So I'm curious too.

-Thank you. I have never reviewed before in my life, so I wasn't sure what to write. Maybe you should read one to discover the _horror's _and then you can join me in hating it? Don't shy, _just hate. _You have been on here for three years?! That's a long time. Maybe you should hurry up and read a MPREG before your life slips away anymore.

* * *

9. kenzigirl:

Yuu-chan is really mean. But I still love you. And you're still my favorite. Oh, about that doujinshi (cause I know your interested), if you wanna know more about it, I can tell you. Lavi really was protecting you, because he cares. Even if you don't like to think that, but alot of people do care about you.

About mpreg, I'm not really a big fan. I mean sometimes I like it because having kids makes drama! But also, it'd be cute imagining some one like Allen for instance with a big round belly. I know pregnancy isn't fun, but in fics it makes such good drama! Especially if there's a scene describing when the baby is concieved...D

I'm really evil. I know. See ya later, cutie pie.

(you better update sooner or I'll impale with my frying pan)

-You! No matter what I do, you still like me! Grr… Yes, I _would _like to know about that Doujin. And then I am going to complain about it!! They can care about me all they want, but I don't care about them in return. In fact, I am going to rant about that at the bottom of the page.

Why don't people _write about US _as kids, instead? Its more logical that way. Moyashi has had a big round belly before, just look at him stuffing his face in the eating hall!! I… don't want to know about that scene, it's depressing to think about.

DAMN YOU!! I AM KANDA!! KANDA!!

(And you cannot impale me with a frying pan, they are round!!)

* * *

10. Timcanpy:

yes it's ME again. either way, it still is. in my term. your term is just messed up. I give myself permission to call you anyway I want. To me, Kanda is just a plain name. nothing fun... annoying as I maybe, that just flows through my personality. Moyashi loves Lenalee as a friend. For sure I know he doesn't think of her as a girlfriend. Asexual is great. You just don't see it because I don't know. People don't fall in love with me because I SWITCHED my gender stupid Yuu. Your golem is too common. I play with the unusuals. Leaving you alone won't be fun at all.

I can do something, but you just don't see. The real me as a person. Can't you use common sense? No wonder your god (Katsura) says your dumber than the others... I don't live in a pocket. I rather sit on top of heads.

Lenalee-chan does bother you though. :) Every life has a meaning, but when it completes its meanings, they die. Like you said (when you fought Sweet tooth), every life ends. But like I said, after they finished their fate.

You only had a few missions with him, so why say that? There are risk takers, but I don't care. I am sure you will save someone one day. Just watch.

I don't care who loves me, as long as I see why ORIGINAL master.

my new master is just being him, so I can't do anything about it.

the more you contract with Allen, the closer you'll get! Don't you ever learned that?

Females are jealous of Lenalee, so you should understand that.

A lot are yaoi fans. Some wanted a lot of reviews. Some just did it for fun. Some may found it fitting for the pairings. Some just wanted to copy others (I really don't know, but it did happened to me). Finally, some just wanted to write it because they just do? My senses are telling me these are the possible answers...

-_You. _Kanda IS my name, baka. And how can you have a personality?! And Lenalee is on him all the time! How do _you _know, when you don't even have eyes? Wait, you _switched _gender? That is very confusing. My golem is not common (then again, I don't really care about him)! Leave me alone, and go eat some sandwiches or something!!

I am NOT DUMB!! Don't say that!! And Hoshino is NOT my god!! She is my master/Teacher!! And I don't understand!! You are a _ball with a tail!! _And you look stupid when you sit on top of Moyashi's head.

My life has a meaning, it is to find _that person, _and nothing else. Being an exorcist just helps, you baka-ball. Wise words.

I _have _saved people. Quite a lot. Moyashi once. Lenalee once. Komui _twice _(that bastard!!). Your original master? Marshal Cross? Hn, that man is very powerful. I am _not _getting closer to Moyashi, and females _do _hate Lenalee because they are jealous, I think.

They are indeed possible answers… (your teeth scare me).

* * *

11. IceNin55:

Ah, MPreg, one of the great mysteries of FanFiction. Don't worry, I don't like it either. Personally, I think people write it because...  
a - A lot of people want to know what the children of their favorite pairing would be like, or might see having children as 'the ultimate sign of love'. This leads to preg stories. And when that favorite pairing happens to be yaoi, well, we get MPreg.  
b - They think it's funny. Some writers might want to use the idea of an incredibly masculine guy getting pregnant for comedic effect.  
c - Revenge/torture. Who knows, maybe a writer hates a certain charachter and wants to see them go through something painful and humiliating; like childbirth.

So that's my guess as to why people write MPreg. But who really knows what goes on in some people's minds.

-Glad you don't like it.

Since when have children been the ultimate sign of love? What about if you really are gay? And for comedic purposes? Comedy is for the dim-witted. Its just horrible to think about, especially if you _are over-_masculine, like some people are. And torture… I would rather just torture the person manually.

You can never know what people think, but you can read it on their faces, in their eyes, and in their words.

* * *

12. E. R. Burke:

MPREG?! WHAT?!  
Just... no. Where did all form of human anatomy get so completely messed up?! That's just... NO!! I couldn't find a reason why people would write that if I actually had enough functioning brain cells left after hearing it to focus on the question! It's NOT RIGHT.

And I thought the last fanfic was violent... This one was even more descriptive. It really seems to me that you released a lot of stress writing this. Good for you. But, overkill much? And, as a side question, why would Lavi want your hair ties? He doesn't have enough hair of his own to even use them.

You know who you need to kill? Chaoji. Kill Chaoji. Nobody likes him. He needs to go away.

Kind of random, but have you ever had the urge to just push Moyashi into Lenalee right when Komui is rounding the corner? I'm sorry, that was bad.

Best of luck with the report and the missions.

-Burke-san, I am glad to see your reaction to this disgusting thing. Its NEVER going to be right. NEVER. I don't know how to even go about writing such a stupid thing.

I was stressed because he was _actually _stealing my hair ties. He just takes them because he knows it annoys me, not because he needs them. Baka-rabbit!!

No… I can't… Master would make me do embarrassing things…

… _That is such a good idea. _But it would mean touching Moyashi, so I will get Lavi to do that. I will tell you how we got on with that.

Thank you.

* * *

13. WrathofMugen:

hm. Well I think people write Mpreg because if they really like a certain pairing then they feel that nothing could make it better than the two people having a baby. You see Kanda-sama, people write Mpreg because it is different and they would especially like Mpreg if their favorite pairing is a yaoi pairing. Hahaha *grins evily* I loved the fanfiction! That what Lavi gets for being so annoying and messing with Kanda-sama. Oh and to answer you question on why I do not like Lenalee...Well I don't like her because in the Ark all she did was get kidnapped and put into clear floating containers. One last thing Kanda-sama! You should so kill choaji! Murder the fat $$!! p.s. I would type the real word but seeing as some people are useless and imature I will not.  
Bye Kanda-sama!

-But it still makes no sense, Yaoi or not. It defies logic, like the Millennium Earl's ears.

Yes!! He deserves it, no-one messes with me! … She got put into clear floating containers? I wasn't there, and I didn't bother paying attention to that part. She sounds unlike her usual self. Hah, people really hate Chaoji. I can't understand why, he doesn't have much of a personality.

* * *

14. UnbornHope:

I do not yet realise why I am writing this comment, for you must be dead by now. They (the army) must have come out in swarms as soon as you sent the chapter. I suppose this is a goodbye present. You shall be missed.

I am aware of that but I use that in terms of teasing my male friends. If I called you 'Kun' I'd end up picturing myself as a teenage high school girl with over active hormones and lose self confidence. As for your ability to kill Lavi then I suppose you're right. You killed him in pretty typy-words. And no, it did most certainly not please me. At all. Now you are dead though, so I shall not be-grudge you. Lawd says it's wrong to feel hate to those who have passed.

I know you're not submissive Kanda-chan. After all those times of seeing you get back up after getting your ** kicked by whoever and then kick their ** in return- well there's no way you'd be submissive. But that's why girls like it. They like to see someone who is normally so in tact turn delicate. For we are sick. I will not deny it. And it's impossible to hate everybody, silly. If you hated everyone, you would not waste your time destroying the akuma to save humans and stop 'The Ebil Peoples'.

Oh, thank you. I had thought I put too much of my personal thoughts into my last comment when I sent it. I never said that pairing is possible. I know Allen would (and almost has) kill Tyki and Tyki would kill him if they ever saw each other again. But my imagination and pervertedness (as Boss-07 stated earlier) must be let out some how. Can't say anything perverted around my boy friend. Can't hardly even think perverted things. This is my escape -le sigh-. And the law? Pfft.

I've noteiced over the years thatfemales with a lack of decent understand of romance tend to like hate as a replacement of love. Like I did only I did it differently. -smirk- I did it for the kinky TykixAllen fics, no fluff or romance included. And again with the law?

Who knows? Maybe if Hoshino-san continues the manga, she might just change her min- ... wait. 'Have a word with her'? Please don't speak violently, she's ill! Wait.. nevermind. You can't anyway. -sigh- It must've been a painful death...

Right. To the question. Damn I've already made this comment huge... Well to tell you the truth, I detest Mpreg. I will never read one again, and I will most definitly not write one. A man getting pregnent is impossible in our time of evolution. And besides, where would it come out? Or how would it live in a man's body? They have no baby sack.

What a shame. You're already dead so you can't even finish this fic. A shame indeed. Goodbye my hateful friend. Farewell on your journy to Lawd's puffy cloud palace.

-Heh. I am still standing. This Lavi army seems like shit to me. But at least you said you would miss me (HA).

I am not a _chan. _I killed Lavi _real good. _I am sure a part of you enjoyed it. What is 'Lawd'? Oh, you mean 'Lord'? You can hate me all you want, regardless of what ever the hell he says.

I will _always _get up again, because I will _never _die until I have fulfilled my purpose in life. I am probably the _least _submissive person here. Girl's think weird. Yes, sick is a good word. You would never catch me cuddling kittens or whatever. I am not fighting to _save humans, _I fight for my own personal reasons. 'The Ebil Peoples?' What is that?

It was still good to read, regardless. Moyashi and butterfly-boy would fight it out until one of them ended up dead. Maybe you should just show your boyfriend what you get up to on the internet. I wonder what he will say?

Are your fanfiction's violent? Is that what you are saying? Ughh… I like the law, it is there for a reason and should be followed (unless it needs to be broken….)! Hoshino-sensei would not change her mind. She is not too Ill! At one point, she has a sprained wrist from drawing to much!! Damn, I was not able to get into her room! I would never hurt Hoshino, but I would _have a nice, friendly chat _with her.

You have the same questions as I do. They need to be answered, god damn it! And I am not dead!! I do not live in clouds! It is you that lives in the clouds, baka, with your weird ideas and random thoughts!!

* * *

15. Vaey-san:

Dearest Kanda,

This if fanfiction, therefore it doesn't need to make sense. Mpreg defies all logic and that's what makes people enjoy it so much, the same goes for most yaoi pairings. I don't even want to think how a male could give birth ... apart from if they were a girl to begin with.

Personally I can't stand Mpreg. If they want a kid so much (Actually, probably only Moyashi wants one. We all know you don't.) why not just adopt one? Don't defy everything medic's know just to save the plot of a story. For starters men don't have a womb (or do they?... ok, yeah, they don't.). It probably makes school awkward as well when some poor sucker with no ideas on how childbirth works asks the kid(s?) how they were born.

- Vaey-san

-Fanfiction can never make sense, unless you are a very good writer and not write romances that happen in the first chapter. If they were a _girl _in the first place? I know for a fact that all the males I know were born male (Moyashi might have been a girl…)

Of course! I hate children!! Running around, crying, being brats, I hate them!! A perfectly good plot can be written around adoption. Hah, that child would be beaten up at school when their friends find out he/she has no mother, just two fathers…

* * *

15. Seengot:

Dear Yuu,

Boo, Hiss, Mpreg is gross. Me no like it.  
I don't know why they write it. Maybe they write Mpreg just to ** you off. I know I would.

In response to your response of my response;  
Soubi and Ritsuka are your parents, they just don't love you, so they sold you on the black market to some other peoples.  
Your gay, I know it. I know all. :3  
Then who would you lose your virginity to? Komui? Lenalee? Both?  
It took me a few seconds to think my theory up, cause I'm that smart.  
And your not, your just a gay pedo. :D

-I don't think anyone likes it. People like to piss me off. Oh, you do to? _Bastard. _

This 'Soubi' and this 'Ritsuka' are _not _my parents, whoever the hell they are. Shut up, baka, I don't have to listen to your crap!! I am NOT gay!! You know absolutely nothing! I will not loose my virginity any time soon!! And NOT TO KOMUI!!

… _It took you a few seconds to think up THAT? _Well done, you _are _a genius. I am _not _a gay pedo, I hate everyone, you pathetic excuse for a person.

* * *

17. StopLemons:

Konbawa, Kanda-kun~!

I suppose I should be thankful that I've made it into your good books, eh? And the random Japanese... Well, that will probably continue. :] And of course I would use 'Kun.' You are indeed male, after all. You should meet up with him sometime. It would make for quite the scene! (not a bad thing!)

Anyway, onto the next question. Why do people write MPreg? Honestly, I think mpreg is rather disturbing as it is physically impossible, and slightly emotionally scarring to think of such a thing happening. I could only imagine what it would be like to be a victim of such a thing (as I'm sure you have been. -shudders at the idea-)

I do have to say that I believe people write mpreg out of a desire to see what would happen if one of the characters were female? They just... Want to release some sick pleasure? I don't really get it personally. It's hard for me to think of why someone would do that... I can't stand to read it... Gomen... I'm not much help on this topic.

Anyway, hope the report goes well, Kanda-kun~  
Ja ne~

-Konnichiwa, Lemon-chan.

Yes, you should. Very few people make it there. People like Marie are there. They are people I can _tolerate. _I am male, though some people think I am female and say '-chan' instead. Will he help me kill people? If so, then we should meet.

I _have _been a victim of such a thing. I have never read an MPRG fic (I never want to) but I know it was I that was pregnant. It said so in the summery. Its _horrible to know someone is writing about you like that. _

I think they might be bored, and that's why they are writing it. A lot of these girls on here have to release 'sick pleasure', I don't think that can be an excuse anymore. Its fine. A lot of people don't seem to know a lot about it. It makes me feel weird that I know more than them (ugghhh…).

So do I, Lemon-chan.

Sayonara.

* * *

18. SilentKiller1:

HIYA YUU-CHAN!  
how do you know im not a exorcist? i can be lavi or daisya. im always around the corner. DUN DUN DUN  
m-preg...hm...i dunno, people just like it i guess and i know im a big fan, try it.  
you might like it.

BYE-BYE!

PS you SURE you have a life? did you ever have a girlfriend?

-I know you are not. Daisya… is dead, and I would know if Lavi ever came on here. He would be adding me to his favourite author lists and pressuring me into writing fanfiction.

… Wait. You like MPREG? I think you are the ONLY PERSON that has commented and liked it. Good for you (I hate you). I will NEVER try it.

I have a life, I am sure you don't. You don't need to have a girlfriend to have a life, baka.

* * *

19. Switch. Alchemist:

hello there Kanda,  
actually I came across your report waiting for my friend to write a new chapter for our DGM fanfic  
(hehe one of my friend's OC is paired up with you, don't worry it's a girl)  
anyway...  
wow, is that not impossible?! Goodness, okay so I wouldn't write that, or read it afterward...  
BUT, it would be interesting to see the child (considering the pairing that created it)  
*imaging an KandaxAllen kid*  
eww, well just hope it stays impossible.  
And by the way, I hope you stay straight, I'd rather have Allen to myself than have to fight you off  
(don't worry, I like your character as well, but serious you never became my favourite because of the simple fact that you left for a big part of manga, only to come back and get "killed" by Skinn)  
You're still cool (or at least my crazy Kanda fangirl friends think so)

-.. I guess it is ok, if it is a girl… (Grrr…) It is impossible, but people write it anyway. ME AND MOYASHI'S KID. It would be weird looking. Don't worry, it will never happen. You can have Moyashi, I wont fight for him, and you would never win if we had to fight. I know, I hated being off for so long!! I didn't even find out why!!

This crazy fan-girl better stay away from me!

* * *

20. ScarredWitch:

*Inhale. Exhale. Cue anger mark.*  
As infuriated as YOU get, you REALLY like to tick people don't you?

Well, you know what?! FINE!! TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME, SAMURAI-BOY!! WHEN I GET ANGRY, I DON'T PULL AN ARROW ON THE ONE WHO TICKS ME OFF!! AND YOU SAY YOUR TEMPER'S LONGER THAN MINE!! YOU'RE LUCKY IN THIS CASE!! ARROW BEATS SWORD!! DISTANT RANGE WEAPON TOPS CLOSE COMBAT WEAPON, HAH!!  
AND I'M NOT A BAKA!! I KNOW MORE JAPANESE THAN YOU THINK, SARCASTIC BASTARD!! AND NO, YOU DON'T SCARE ME AT ALL!! YOUR BARK IS WORSE THAN YOUR BITE!! MY BABY, SPAWN-OF-THE-DEVIL SISTER IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN YOU!!

One more thing, thing with your temper and Allen's height - THEY'RE BOTH SHORT!! ONLY YOURS IS SHORTER!! THE SIZE OF AN ANT!

Oh, you want ME to go to the Black Order, where I can insult you in person? So you could hurt me? HAH! Won't that be a backfire?! You don't attack a woman unless she's your enemy and she attacks first! So, all I have to do is stand there, be able to insult you, and you can't do a thing about it, HA!

"Western-world girl?" Well, at least you're being original. And the name's Kiera!  
"I was waiting for this. I knew this was coming."  
You were waiting for what? You knew what was coming?? My reply??  
Why's it so interesting to you that I'm 17? *suspicious glance*

You made an assumption about me AGAIN. THIS time about my AGE. I really dislike you sometimes. You drive me up the wall. Mother of God, why was I cursed to be attracted to men who just HAVE to be tempermental and so reckless?!! And why the hell would you assume about me when you know what it's like to be assumed about! I'd think you would understand THAT!

By the way, it's characters, not character's. Plural form. No apostrophe. Same goes for the "flower's." Haha.

And, yes, it IS hard to write good girl/boy stories, especially when the boy AND the girl have so much God-damned PRIDE. *Sigh.*

And you see? Some girls write Yaoi fanfiction out of jealousy for the female characters. I think this is why some people don't Lenalee. I don't see why they don't; she seems fine to me.

HAH! I got there great Kanda to be sentimental! Speaking of which, I know it gets awkward, but the best part is that you don't have to say anything back. Maybe an "O.K.," but nothing more. At least that's what my dad tells me.

You're just saying that you hate me BECAUSE I got you sentimental. *Smile.*

I didn't know you draw. Hm, I guess that's a thing we have in common. Did you teach yourself?

Also, the whole thing about the pink-**-and-the proud-girls rant? Yeah, that was due to a past experience. Something I don't want to repeat ever again. I know that people who dedicate their lives to the Innocence have it harder than the rest of the world. Sometimes, I wonder if there was anything I could ever do to help.

You used Internet Language AGAIN. I hate you so much right now. I can ALMOST SEE THE SMIRK ON YOUR FACE. Were you trying to tease me??

Okay, enough of that, let's get to the question you had. *Reads the update. Face goes pale*

M-M-MPREG? A-as in – guh – THAT??!

HELL, NO! THAT SHOULD BE A VIOLATION OF THE LAW!! THAT IS GOING WAY TOO FAR!!

Now, you have my opinion about it.

I gotta go now. I have one last question for you, since this is your last report, so I'm asking for one last reply.

Since you say you're straight, what kind of girl would you be attracted to?

Well, that's it. It's been fun talking with you, Kanda.

The Scarred Witch

P.S. I have one last thing to say.

Mugen…

…looks like a walking stick.

AHA!! Take THAT, Samurai-Boy!!

-… My eyes hurt… it is so late at night…

I am NOT GOING TO WRITE IN CAPITALS to save space. The arrow does not beat the sword, and it never will!! You can _try _to hit me with an arrow, but I will just dodge!! And then I will come at you with Mugen, and you will have no weapon to attack back with because a bow would not work at that distance effectively!!

SO WHAT?! BAKABAKABAKA!! AND I DOUBT YOUR SISTER CAN CUT YOU IN TWO!! BE SCARED, LITTLE GIRL!!

AND MOYASHI _IS _THE SIZE OF AN ANT!!

You _are _my enemy (in shouting, at least) so I would attack you. You would stand there and insult me, and I would simply rip your heart from your chest with the point of my Katana. Simple, ne?! Kiera-chan, is that your _real _name?

I knew this long, pain-in-the-ass review was coming, that's what. And I thought you were younger than that, because you seem to like throwing tantrums like a four year old does. Heh.

Dislike me _more._ I am annoying, eh? Well good!! I assume because you like to annoy the hell out of me!! I will keep making assumptions about you like I was before!! So, because you are a girl, you must like pony's, right? Do you plait their hair and stuff at night? And dress them up in cute, frilly clothes? How cute.

I like apostrophes. Leave me alone. And who is prideful?! A lot of people like Lenalee. I can tolerate Lenalee, as long as she isn't bothering me.

If you avoid people, then you don't have to say anything to them at all, which is better. It's horrible to have everyone caring, when you don't care at all.

Be quiet, I DO hate you!! Che…

Drawing is a vital stage in meditation, as it relaxes your arm muscles yet keeps you focused on a single thing. Yes, I taught myself, but I don't draw 'pictures', if you know what I mean.

People who don't have innocence will never know what it is like to have it. It is harder than it looks, having no family, working all day, getting hurt constantly, blah blah blah. Even with all the scientists and those idiotic finders, at the end of the day, it still comes down to the exorcists to make a difference…

I am smirking _right now. It makes me happy _to see that you like my internet talk.

U r just jelos cuz u can't do it az gud as I do it!11 Lol!!1 Pwned!!1

… I cannot believe that, after all that writing, you have _one line _as an opinion. I should have skipped out the WHOLE REVIEW and got straight to the end! Yes, my last question, though I know it will continue.

To answer your question: Not any type of girl. If I had to choose, however, It would be a quiet girl with a sense of dignity (that can mean many things).

… I HATE YOU. Mugen does NOT look like a walking stick!! It is a perfectly fine katana, baka!!

* * *

21. Deeper than Darkness:

Oh, hello Kanda-san, this review will put up with the 2 others report. For the first one, yaoi. I do love them, but that doesn't mean that I was lesbian or even gay. Heck I am straight like hell. I just think that the more you fight with a person, the more you close to them. So, just say that you never get along well with the moyashi means that you are close to him. And maybe deep down (don't point mugen at me please..) you think him as a friend or maybe rival? Since he is the only person in the Order that aren't afraid of you. Yeah, anyway... the conclusions is that, people (especially fangirls such as myself) wanted to fantasizing. And like what I said before although I like Yaoi, I still like hetero pairing. I guess we (fangirls) just hooked people up that they see suitable as a pair despite they are maleXmale or they girlXgirl.

Now, for the favorite pairings...  
1)Of course Yullen. I think that it was the best pairing I ever encountered in my whole live. I know that the more we hate a person the more we encounter to know them better than before.  
2)LaviXLenalee. Heck, one of the hetero pairings I like up until know and will not hate. Although many people maybe hate Lenalee, I think that she is quite a lovable girl right? Everybody always say that she easily shed tears, but that's not true!! I will cry too if I have to see my own friend killing each other and I cannot help even one bit. And I knew that she is a strong girl.  
3)AllenXEver one? Allen is the 1# Ukeable (I know this is not even a word so please do not kill me.) person in -man.

North of Africa? Wow, you sure travel alot. Well, I will talk about the fic first and the about the questions.

You almost kill me, thank you. It just fun to watch you kill Lavi. And I mean Lavi is the source of Havoc (not that I hate him). And for the next person you will kill? How about that hitler dude? I hate him... Or maybe if I ever have a chance I want to slice and mutilated him and then throw away his dead body toward crocodiles? That would be nice to read.

And then, for Kanda's-san question. Mpreg? Heck, I hate them. I meant, how come a male can gave birth!? Okay, fantasy is alowed but this is kind of too much. And I think that you are indeed a type of person that hate childrens. Well, for telling that they are noisy and stuff. And I knew that you hate noisy person and place.

~DTD  
PS: Good luck on writing the reports and (if you ever could) killing Komui.

-I am also as straight as hell, but people don't understand that. Che, I fight with him because I hate his guts! I can't stand people like that!! Deep down, I think we are just '_Friendly _rivals'. He better be afraid of me, because I could kick his ass any day.

Girls on here _always _seem to be fantasising, with all the nonsense going on online.

… I fight with him a lot, and I still know nothing about him, except that he is a Moyashi and he is extremely naive (which I hate). And LenaleeXLavi? Interesting… I like Lenalee (not like that). She is ok to be with. Of course she is a strong girl, I have known her for a long time, and she _doesn't _cry easily, it is just that everyone else seems stronger.

Heh, _Allen_XEveryone! Good!! He deserves to be tossed around between men like that! I hope it hurts!

Yes, the north of Africa. The _far _north. People there are very touchy-feely.

It was fun to write about me killing that baka-rabbit!! … That 'Hitler' dude? You mean Leverrier? Bah, you can think of a worse death than that… can't you?

Of course, I hate noisy people, noisy places, and those both together are _hell. _You are right, fantasy can only go so far before it just gets stupid.

Thank you (I can kill him whenever I want!!).

* * *

21. CarinaAiko:

WAIT! People actually write MPREG after reading this!? This doesn't make any sense in fact it defies all logic. *Thinks hard* People write MPREG is because they're pedophiles, perverts or just plain sick in the head. As I have said before I'm not a fan of Yaoi, people really very screwed up to write MPREG on characters who are 100% straight. Reason probably is because writing about MPREG is forbidden between two men. It gives them a thrill they can't describe. They can write about it and still don't get called a pervert, which in actual fact they are.

Oh, you don't know people despise Lenalee? If I am correct about 65% and above of the people who despise Lenalee are Yaoi lovers. And the others (me included to some extent) find her extremely emotionally unstable. As for me, I actually thought she was pretty cool in the beginning but then I began to despise her because of her attitude and others. I'm sure you get irritated when she came and bothered you during your meditation because Leverrier was there. I did take into account on her cruel past but that's no reason for her to act that way.

This will be the end of my reply since you need to catch up on your sleep. BTW, your grammar here for example, 'I expect answers to be a thought out, please' really sucks it should be ' I expect answers to be thought out, please' since you are smarter than Moyashi and my favourite character, yeah?

-Hah! What a horrible way to describe people, ne? Good, MOST characters are 100 percent straight in DGM. I am one of those characters. MPREG is forbidden between two men (its not even realist!!), and so is YAOI.

Che, Lenalee haters are just JEALOUS of her relationship with the Moyashi!! She isn't emotionally unstable, she just can't bear to see her friends being slaughtered all around her, like most people. Of course she irritated me, but she always goes there when Leverrier is visiting, and I just happen to be there as well.

I _need _sleep. According to Hoshino-sensei, I am dumber than Moyashi!! In fact, she says I am the stupidest of them all!! I will get her!! It is _she _who is stupid!! Grrrr!

* * *

22. Lostinthedragon'sfog:

For starters a very important thing to know, ScarredWitch is my sister and i'm giving you permision to say whatever the hell you want to her. She's incredidble annoying, and that's my job. And your tempter is probably the same at her, she'll snape at me for saying the wrong thing.

Well, to get things started for the first part, idk. I think the girls that do imigane you in a Yoai are very bored, have no life, or like what my sister said use it for there own stories. I however, don't even like to look at Yaoi, it disguests me. I can't even imagine you dating anyone (other than your sword), you really don't seem like the yaoi type.  
But you totatlly look like a girl, when me, my friend, and my dad's friend all thought you were a chick at first glance. if you would just cut your hair a little shorter and or ficked your bangs you would look more like a dude.  
Your additude might be a reason why girls put you in yaoi. The i-refuse-to-get-along-with-anyone additue helps give a near impossible relationship, which fan girls love. If you get a good contole of your additude problem (yes, i;m saying you have one and its huge) they might stop.

As for MPRG. WHAT THE HELL?!?! PEOPLE WRITE THAT KIND OF CRAP?!?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM?!?! I mean, i'm fine with if the children are made by an unnarural process or something, but MPRG?!? Please tell me they didn't do that to Allen-kun! you are impossible however allen (unfortantly) is likly. I mean, why would people do that to poor allen-kun.

-… You are that MONSTERS sister?! Che, she is incredibly annoying!! My temper is not as bad as hers. She shouts a lot and rants and raves about nothing.

A lot of these girls have no life. It really is sad. I am glad you don't like Yaoi, and I don't think I will date Mugen anytime soon (that is quite sick). I hate relationships. Pfftt!! I don't look like a girl!! You, your friend, and your friends dad are wrong!! Che, I can never cut my hair!! Its _supposed _to be long!! (And my bangs are fine! Just how I want them!)

Of _course _I have an attitude problem, there is nothing wrong with that. My attitude is fine. The others are just to _happy _and _friendly _and _sociable. _I don't think they will ever stop…

Yes, yes, I know. People are ill in the head. Heh, _yes, _they DO do it to Moyashi. He is nearly _always _pregnant for some reason. They want to see him with a big belly! And they want to see his children! Bah!

* * *

23. KikiKrisis:

Hello Kanda-kun!

First time reviewing this 'fanfic' of yours, even though I've read all of them. (^_^)  
Your fanfic about killing Lavi was...interesting, if not a bit too brutal. I know Lavi annoys you, but killing him took it a bit too far I think. You should have just maimed him horribly, he would have still been alive to feel the pain that way.

Now on to the question.

I have no idea why people write Mpregs. It creeps me out in ways you can't even imagine. I've been writing for a few years now, (Yaoi, I will admit), but when one of my friends asked me to write an Mpreg I told her to get out of my house before I stabbed her with a butchers knife.  
I hope people have a reason for writing Mpreg, because I would really like to know.

That's all I have to say about this, so Au revoir!

-Hello…

Thank you. I hope you liked them (no, not really). I can _never _be to brutal hen it comes to killing that Baka-rabbit!! Of course he annoys me!! If I don't write about killing him, I will actually get him in real life! Maimed him?! There is no honour in that, for neither the killer or the victim. Honour lies only in death.

Creepy, eh? You _should _have stabbed her with that knife! If you see her, ask her why the hell she likes that crap! No-one has a clue why anyone writes it!!

* * *

24. whiteninjaalchemist:

I argee with the people saying yullen sucks. Everyone knows that allen and leanlee are almost together and Lavi can't have a relationship with anyone because he is the bookman and Kanda is too busy trying to find the person who put the curse on him.

-… I _love you. _Not literally. I don't even know who you are. But _thank you _for saying that. HEY EVERYONE, LOOK HERE! CAN YOU SEE WHAT THIS PERSON WRITES?! IT'S THE TRUTH!!!

* * *

Ugghh… the amount of effort I put into this… Che… I feel ill…

What I learnt:

1. Not a lot of people knew what MPREG was before reading this fic!

2. Not a lot of people like it. ONE person said they liked it.

3. Girls are totally jealous of Lenalee.

4. This report is never going to end… sigh…

5. Leave Chaoji alone. I know, I hate him too, but still.

* * *

Well, looks like I have finished here. Now I have a problem. Since I have written back to you on THIS chapter, you are going to write back to me again, and then I am going to answer, and it will just continue… huff… I don't know what to do…

I am still finished with that report. Just making it look good for Komui so he doesn't reject me (if he does… I will kill him.). I don't need to ask questions about the report anymore. I am not dragging it out any longer than it needs to be.

So… have you got any questions for me? It is fair, seeing as you helped me, I suppose, I will _have _to help you out (damn my honour).

Che… do you want me to answer anything? Do YOU need any help with anything?

(Ask me personal questions, and I will ignore you. Ask me personal questions about yourselves, and I will try to be _nice._)

It seems like I have warmed up to you guys. _I hate that…_

From, Kanda-

Oh, Wait! I needed to rant!!

Ok, what the _hell, _I found out that people pair me with Mugen!! I mean, _what the fuck!! _It's a SWORD. I mean, what do we do?! Do I sit there and cut myself up with it? What, do we engage in sexual activity?! And what gender is it?! You can't tell me that, can you!! I just don't understand! An object, making love to a MAN, or vice versa?! Che, stop with your perverted, sick fantasies, and GET A LIFE, open your eyes, and see that MUGEN IS NOTHING BUT A TOOL!!

(However, it is my most cherished possession… alongside my Lotus.)

_Lets hurry up and end this fan fiction. My free time is wasted on this._

PS: I hope this all came ok, it is difficult to read... Twenty one pages of talking… sigh…


	5. Its OVER

Guys, there is a reason this took so long.

I SAW IT.

I SAW THE COMIC THAT INVOLES ME AND MUGEN- Well, not Mugen.

So basically, I am getting raped by first illusion because my sperm now is apparently its food. No, I don't know when this happened, but still. SERIOUSLY. Words cannot describe how I feel right now. Sure, I don't hate the artist, they can dray quite good, but FIRST ILLUSION and ME.

I am mentally scarred for life. I hope you are happy, who ever it was that told me about me and Mugen!!!!!

GRHBWVH"CTXCTWHNV%$%. THIS is how I feel!!!!

And also, Lenalee found out. About _everything. _I was trying to keep all of this fanfiction stuff as private as possible, and she knew I was on here, but not what I was _saying _on here. And, she read it all…

And sent me to _consoling lessons. _

_No, _I am not weak!! I didn't give in, I didn't turn up!! Then she got angry, and threatened to make Komui make me write more… So I shut up and went. It was just some guy, saying "Come on, there must have been _something _that made you like this." Fuck him!! LIKE WHAT?!?

So, after that, she is proof reading this. Let me make this clear.

**_I am NOT ALLOWED to be mean to anyone. _**

(Of course, I am going to do it anyway. She doesn't own me.)

Yes, I can't even say really bad things about Moyashi anymore. She's taken control, that damn woman!! But, she is too late!! THE LAST CHAPTER IS HERE!!!

AND WHY IS A CHAIN SMOKER PLAYING ME IN THE DUB?!?!!

Also, look at **22.** Look at my answer. I DON't LIKE LENALEE!!!

* * *

1. kitten. dream:

Yuu-Chan... I thought you loved me? Why did you write that story about me? All I did was take some of your hair ties? Also, why are you so angry about me talking to you, and why have you been avoiding me - exept for that time we were both called to Koumui's office...  
Anyway, you should have told me the reason that you were on the computer for ages and shown me the website ages ago, instead of me having to find out the hard way.  
But now lent me her computer, so I can talk to you! Or at least write to you.  
By the way, Allen-Chan wont be happy with you saying that you are fine with killing him. He'll get all upset. Is that what you want, Yuu-Chan?  
Anyway, if you want to kill someone, kill the Noah. Or the Earl.

- Wait, what?! You're pretending to be Lavi, I know it!! What gave you away was the fact that you spelt things wrong! Lavi never spells anything wrong; he is a grammar snob!! (I guess it comes with being a Bookman…)

Hah! And he doesn't know you: How would you get into HQ without getting caught? _Exactly. _And whoever you are, (_Kitten_) I don't care what 'Allen-chan' says. I never have. I WAN'T HIM TO BE UPSET. I'm not a nice person.

I strive to kill them. It's what I live for.

* * *

2. Lostinthedragon'sfog:

Haha! People do put you with mugen?! I was just using it as an exaggeration of how unlikly you are to get in a relationship with anyone, male or female. But i think it's as funny as hell that people do, do that.  
And calling my sister a monster, very nice, although i prefer the devil in female's form.  
A Guy's hair is not suppose to be long, in most cases, no matter what you say! And i have come to realize most guys with long hair are accidently mistaken as girls.  
Your right about the temper thing, her is really really really long but yours is still really really long.  
And for your information i can cut my sister in half, i have a sword and i know how to use it. However at the moment i'm practicing with a fake one.  
I don't think i need your help with anything, however if you want to call my sister anything or make comments on her additude and how old she sounds, that's fine by me. And i'm not sure if you can use this to your advantage but she has really long hair too.  
Not to be mean or anything, but mugen does kind of look like a walking stick, but only when it's in its sheath (sp?).  
That be it. (yeah i know the grammer is bad on that last part but i did that on perpouse.)

- Yeah, they do. Its disgusting, I assure you. And I love the hatred you have for your sister. Did you know she called you short? As short as Moyashi, in fact? I wouldn't take it. Rip her apart. She seems to hate you.

I know _most _guys get mistaken, but is my body not manly in anyway?! Is everyone forgetting that I have a _body_?!

She says you can't cut her in half. DO IT. I can't give you Mugen, but I wish you and your fake sword well.

Ok, can I call her an annoying little brat? A stupid little child? A girly girl who likes pink and chases rainbows on the back of her frilly unicorn? Can I say she sounds like an eighty year old?! … I do that anyway.

No, she's a girl. If she had really _short _hair, however… and Mugen _does NOT _look like a walking stick when sheathed!! It looks cool!!

* * *

3. AnimePinkGirl:

Hello, Dearest Kanda-san~ (does that bother you? Quite frankly I don't care.),

I would just like to say to the world that MPREG is gross, defies all the laws of nature, and is absolutely vile. And the relationships about you with your beloved sword 'Mugen' is pretty sick too. So to all you sick little fangirls that like it, first of all it will NEVER happen, and you might want to consult a therapist :D . They probably have pills for that kind of stuff, including pills for your anger management problems, Kanda-san~!

ANYWAYS, I have a bit of questions.

1) Firstly, why do you hate 'moyashi-chan' so much? I don't really remember him doing anything to you, so your hate towards him is a little bit unjust. (But I have to admit, that fanfiction you wrote was PRETTY entertaining!) Don't you even have a little respect for him at all? Come on, he IS the 'Destroyer of Time' after all!

2) Why do you have soba all the time? How about spicing up your meals a bit, like soup or something? :P (really random, I know, but I'm just curious)

3) Does a certain samurai *nudge nudge* have a little crush on Ms. Lee here? Your coming to her defense a lot from the comments written by the crazy Lenalee haters. Or are you actually admitting you have a friend?

Anyways, reading these chapters were extremely entertaining, and let's just hope Komui-san makes you write more of these (much to your chagrin).

Hope you loved my little message.

Love,  
AnimePinkGirl (Don't you just LOVE the name? It totally suits you.)

-For your information, _san _doesn't annoy me. _Chan _does.

I applaud you on everything you said about MPREG, about me and Mugen, and about sick fan girls. It was truly a work of art captured in words- HEY, I DON'T have anger management!! I'll cut you, I swear!! Baka!!

1) Because I just hate him. I hate naive people the most, and he is the most naïve person I have ever met. I mean, I could dress up like a freaking cat and he would pet me and give me milk. He is just stupid.

As for that 'Destroyer of Time' nonsense, he just uses it to get attention. Yes, I _thank_ him for 'bringing me back to life' or whatever, but I don't forgive him for making me look like I can't save myself and for generally being annoying!!

2) NO. I love soba, it just tastes so nice, and you can never have enough of a good thing if it always available. Its like if a fan girl was given an unlimited supply of Yaoi: she would never get sick of it, right? It's just like that. Plus, its healthy.

… Soup? What is there to like about 'Soup'?!

3) NONONO. I DON'T have a crush on her, I just feel that people hate her for no reason (no, I am NOT a hypocrite either. I have a reason for hating the Moyashi). And she can be my friend all she wants, I just hope she doesn't expect to get anything out of me.

I hope he doesn't.

I don't like pink, I don't like anime, and I am not a girl, so NONE of it suits me. So shut up.

* * *

4. Timcanpy:

Anything is possible Yuu-chan. Confusing I maybe, but that's just part of me. :) Did I ever told you that leaving someone alone is no fun? I thought I have...

really now? Go ask your "teacher/master". I'm slightly serious. having a shape like me doesn't mean anything towards knowledge.

what about my wise words? I thought I was idiot... :/

well, if you were a female, then you should be able to understand. Any female would understand (I think...)

My teeth? It doesn't scare anybody one bit! :)

-Yes, you are a strange little ball, you are confusing.

Yes, you have told me, but I think leaving people alone IS fun. I know Hoshino-sensei called me dumb, but she doesn't know everything!! I could beat her in a sword fight, so there!!

Being wise and being smart are two different things, baka.

But I am _not _a female!! I've said this a hundred times!! I don't think even females would understand you. But seriously, your teeth are just freaky.

* * *

5. SilentKiller1:

oh sorry. i didnt know about that about daisya. guess he did something stupid huh?  
im the one in a million person then, i dont care. love you too. one question does your life consits of training and mugen?

-Its fine. He was stupid, to run into battle with a Noah like that, all alone. Maybe if me and Marie were there… We are all 'one in a million' people, because no two of us are the same.

Basically. Mugen is an extension of me (no, not like that, you pervert) and I train to get better so that I can slaughter Akuma and finally gut that idiotic Earl alive.

* * *

6. Moyashi-Allen:

Kanda-san:  
You're my favourite character, since you're also Asian(...) and you're DAMN HOT. I also love the way u act like a BAKA GAKI. This may be a little late though... I hate yaoi cos its DISGUSTING... I like the pairing KandaXLenalee though... Hahaz. Sayonara.

-Yay. Whoopie. An Asian person? Is that and the fact that you find me 'hot' the only reason I am your favourite character?! What about my sword skills?! And I do NOT act like a BAKA GAKI!! You do!!

I know, I also hate Yaoi, but I can think of stronger words for it. KandaxLenalee… it could be worse. A LOT worse.

Goodbye… Moyashi?!

* * *

7. ScarredWitch

MONSTER?! FRILLY PONIES?! CUTE?! YOU CROSSED THE LINE! NO ONE CALLS ME A LITTLE GIRL!! YOU SON OF A -

*sharp inhale* Calm down, calm down! *Deep exhale* Ok, I'm good.

You really shouldn't be talking because you rant a lot yourself *smile.*

Of course my sister can't cut me in two! She's as short as Allen is! I was making an exaggerated comparison because YOU DON'T AND CAN'T SCARE ME!! And Kiera is my real name!! I dislike you a good amount as it is!

I know Allen is short, why're you telling me?

Oh, I won't be quiet. You're more sentimental than you allow people to think *smile.*

AND, I won't say anything else. I had my revenge when you read about "Mugen." Hehehe...

Although, I think it's wrong. I'm not surprised my sister said that. She is a "strange" individual, to say the least. I always keep a bottle of holy water in my closet just in case her horns finally sprout.

If my sister was some kind of bloodthirsty monster who wasn't an instrument of the Earl, could the exorcists still destroy her? If so, PLEASE DO! I am trapped with this akuma of hell I call my SISTER!!

Yes, I know drawing is relaxing, so what DO you draw?

Oh, who says I can't write Internet Slang?

WTH dat is not I-net slang, U r a Newb. LOL! PWNED!!

The Scarred Witch

Ok, you said we could ask questions, so I'll ask this - Have you ever encountered anyone who had clairvoyant abilities (seeing into the future, contacting spirits, etc.)?

-Heh-heh-heh… succumb to your fate, little girl.

Oooohh, the sisters are pitching against each other? Maybe you two should duke it out, like _real _women. And Kiera just sounds like a name someone would use in one of those 'Mary-sue' fics or whatever.

Because I _want _to tell you.

She doesn't seem too bad. She is not a bad as you. I think you need to see a doctor about your 'problems'. We could destroy her easily. If she's an Akuma, why the hell are you not destroying her?! Idiot girl!

'Pictures' are complete things that can mean something and yet not mean something. I just draw because its sometimes vital for meditation, so therefore I don't think they can be classed as 'pictures'. I like to draw anything: objects, characters (as in, letters), even _unicorns with pink bows that dance under rainbows, because I know you like them so much._

Zomg wtf bbq u r so ded u dunt no wat pain I b layin on u wen I catch up 2 u NOOB gtfo u got pwnd rofl!!

And no, not really. I sit on the sidelines with that sort of stuff. I don't believe, yet I don't disbelieve, so If I have, then I wouldn't know it.

It's been fun, _Kiera-chan. _

Have fun with those dollies.

* * *

8. ShiraiHime:

Konban wa, Kanda-dono!8D

No, I never really knew what MPreg was. Until you asked. See how much dedication I put into your awesomeness Kanda-dono?xD

Mmhmm, I am fourteen and proud of it!xD How old did you think I was hm? I started reading D. Gray-Man when I was 10, and when I saw you and Allen-tan fighting, I felt something fuzzy inside and I found that I liked seeing you two together, SO BAM, THERE!8D

Of course Allen-tan will never top you. Kanda-dono is too awesome and smexy and SEME to be bottom!

Ah, right,the question thingie...

Okay, why do you like soba so much? Is it really that good? Maybe I should try it...Also, do you eat anything else other than soba? Doesn't it get boring? And...what would you think if you suddenly saw Allen in a skirt (I-I'm just asking, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!! *shrieks* )

M, you sound so sweet Kanda-dono, saying I have no authority to call you by that nickname. Why? Because it almost sounds as if you only allow Allen-tan to call you that, and that, I must say, is very, VERY sweet. Are you..falling for him? 8D

Oh, I wrote my last review when it was THAT time of month. I'm fine now. Don't worry Kanda-dono. Oh, and my mother doesn't know I read fanfiction, why would I tell her something like that? You're so silly sometimes Kanda-dono! xD And I'm too young to go on fanfiction? Kanda-dono, I was TEN when I started reading fanfiction. THAT'S young. Fourteen isn't so bad, it's just a year younger than Allen-tan after all. IN FOUR YEARS I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY YULLEN DOUJINSHI!! *tears of happiness* Oh so smexy awesomenes...*A*

I do have Yullen issues. It's become so much of an issue that I've influenced all my friends into liking the pairing and the manga. Now I have people I can nosebleed with xD I even made a new friend in my new class, my first impression of her was as a Kanda cosplayer. And I'm not indirectly insulting you, Kanda-dono, I never thought you looked like a girl. Anyway, all it took was an official DGM picture for her to start liking the series. Then I told her about Yullen. She seems to like the idea xD My influencing powers get better every year..

DAMN I talk a lot. Gomen, Kanda-dono, I'll stop now.

Oyasumi--xD

ユレン=

-Kobanwa.

You don't have a clue as to how crazy you sound, do you?

I thought you was like, 17 or something!! 10?!?! TEN!??! Are you crazy?!! And is THAT how you discovered yaoi!?! Jesus, were not even old enough to experience PUBERTY and yet you still read on?!?! I hope your mother knows all this, you weird child!!

I don't like yaoi, but if I DID (which I don't), then that sentence would be accurate.

SOBA WILL NEVER GET BORING. Not _ever. _I find that if you eat the same thing every day, then your body gets used to it, and so you stay fitter easier.

If I ever saw Moyashi in a skirt? Well, I would first blackmail him for the rest of his life, and then I will push Lavi onto him. _Heh…_

Also, I might kill him for making the Order look bad.

NONONO. NEVER. I just don't want it catching on!! He only calls me it for a reason, because he is totally jealous that my nickname for him is better. 'An eye for an eye…' He'll stop saying it soon, once I break his jaw.

_That _time?!?! FOURTEEN?!?! Eghhh… TELL YOUR MOTHER. SHE WILL BAN YOU FROM READING. AND YOU CAN _BUY _YAOI?!?! WHAT?!?!

… That's all I need, _cosplayers. _And stop influencing people to like it!! It's _children _like you how mess up the world!!

Bye bye, Shi-chan. Get older soon.

* * *

9. Lavi Bookman Jr:

OMFGWTFBBQ! I NEVER would have guessed that THE Yuu-Chan would USE the (as you ALWAYS call it) USELESS internet...  
And that fic was so mean...

ANYWAYS! I will NOT let you live it DOWN! (just wait till I tell komui to mke you do an extra 25 more chapters) oh and if you did not know... TyKan is actually pretty popular in the *coughrapecough*...YAOI society...

oh and Yullen is the moost popuar of all pairings out there 'cept of course the obvious pairing

AllenXLenalee

-You are not Lavi either (Or are you?)!! I can see through ALL the disguises!!! (And the fic was not mean, it was mildly refreshing.)

He WON'T make me do any more. I will fight him if he does. And TyKan?! He couldn't TOUCH me, let alone RAPE me, that fool.

Duh.

* * *

10. kimi-chanchan:

. don't look up the fic. For your sake. I think I messed up describing you. Just don't. There is no yaoi yet. It maybe shounen-ai with Laven, but there will be violence. Okay..just ignore everything and DO NOT LOOK IT UP.

And your welcome.

Hm, your right. If he were transexual, there would probably be no yaoi, which you would love.

And, damn, someone gave a list of who to kill? Who was on the list? I bet Tiedoll was, right?

-… It's too late… I am reading it now-

Hey, where is it?!

I love non-yaoi situations. And that list was just stupid!! Pretty much EVERYONE was on it, even me!! What the hell!!? (Yes, he was.)

* * *

11. coolgirl200:

I don't have any questions, but I just HAD to review. XD

I never really understood why everyone likes yaoi so much. I read a little of it sometimes, but I don't like it much. (Maybe that's because I'm a huge Allen/Lenalee supporter XD)

I've read some Mpreg fics. Despite one that was really well-written, all of it was pretty sick and wrong.

Well, Kanda, I actually think KandaXMugen is hilarious. XD *Hides* But I'm...kinda confused as to how that would work now. Good point...

- Coolgirl200

P.S. I don't really think you look THAT much like a girl, but my friend keeps saying my hair looks like your's. O_o (It's usually in a ponytail.)

-Hn.

I KNEW there was MoyashiXLenalee supporters somewhere. If she has him, I can't be with him, so let them be together!

Mpreg that is well written just makes it more _sick._

Maybe you should look it up? I did… uggghhh…

There is nothing wrong with having hair like me!! Your friend is jealous!! Be proud.

* * *

12. CarinaAiko:

Hn, I don't find you stupid. You just never show how intelligent you actually are. Ain't that true? You said that I had a horrible way of describing people? That's interesting, because I'm pretty straight forward and too blunt. Seriously. So how's finding the person who's cursing you? Hm, I don't need any stuff to ask you because I know you'll recommend me something very nice yet violent. I am a sadist too. Moyashi will never get pregnant he's not a girl and neither will you.

Yaoi fans are screwed up, ne?

-I never really get the chance. Either Moyashi is around, being the super 'I-am-going-to-save-the-world character, or Lavi is there being ultra smart.

Its tough financing them, some of them live in very far away countries. Sadism is _fun _(when it involves the right people) and please tell the people on this website that? They don't really understand what anatomy is.

To right, they are.

* * *

13. kawaiikitsune09:

um... hi kanda-san,  
this is the first time that i've writen a review... oh well...  
you said that you can help me right... well i want your opinion on this, you see i was practically absent from school because it's just the practice of our performance on the school's foundation day...* sigh, i hate that time of year* and well my friends seem not to be not nice to me anymore they don't even tell me the things that i've missed for the days, and now i find out that there was some sort of stupid project on school! for once i want to just chop their heads of like you do with Lavi or Moyashi... hai~ i wish they would just be real with me you know... well they're kinda retarted anyways... acting like 4 year olds... *sigh* well that's just about it... hope you can help me with my predicament...

oh... i saw a doujin with you *ahem*doingthingstomugen... it's creepy... doing it with a sword... it's just completely you know disgusting...

oh well thanks kanda-san

-Hello.

Well, you see the thing is, your friends are arrogant bastards but they secretly wanted you in for that performance because they all suck without you being there. Who gives a damn if they are not nice!! Either find new friends or just go up to these ones and say:

"Hey, what the hell is going on around here?!"

And if they say nothing, seriously, get rid of them. Are they that worth it? People like to exclude people because it makes them feel better, but don't be put down by it. If they have felt a sense of achievement by doing this, then you must be a great person for them to feel under you like that.

Eggghhh?! I got all emotional there?! Why?! _Why?!_

I know, I saw it to. It is BURNED into my head… DAMN CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!

* * *

14. KHC3S:

Ok, first of all, I know this is unbelievably late, but I jsut have to get it out there that I HATE YAOI! I make a point in trying to understand people's life choices, but I just can't stand it when people pair you with Allen, or Lavi, or Tyki(is it just me, or is he the most creppy mother*er ever??!!)  
Ahem, ok, enough ranting for now. No, wait, I have a bit more. I must admit that I wasn't too sure about your gender at first, and I sincerely apologise for that. But I totally get what you're saying about your hair; don't ever cut it, make a statement!  
Ok, seriously, done with the ranting. But I do have one question, if it's not too personal. Who is the "person" you keep mentioning you were looking for? I can't stand a mystery like that haha.

-Its opk to be late, if you are fighting in my corner. It's horrible, right!?! And Tyki is just… I don't know what to call that _thing. _

_You better apologise. _I love to make statements, so it _will _stay like this.

Hey!! Didn't I say 'not to personal?' Just wait… I am sure Hoshino-sensei will run her mouth off about it sooner or later… invading my damn personal privacy… grrrr….

* * *

15. Keyte

Your guess would be totally correct. I am -so- tired.

Being Catholic sucks. I wouldn't suggest looking into it. You know who created the Vatican? Us Catholics. Who goes around picketing in front of abortion clinics? Who's not supposed to have a sex drive until you get married [even though that might totally work for you]? Whose families always end up having a million kids because they refuse to use birth control? Catholics and Catholics again! More bitterness. Right here. It's all good. I'm a bad Catholic. C:

You wouldn't understand. Being female doesn't offer a good amount of threatening ability - except I had to yell at two people today and now I think they're afraid of me.. xDD I thought it was funny. And it was fun, too. Especially yelling at the guy who's stalking my best friend. I hope he dies.

Anyway... Your grammar really has improved! I would say I was proud of you, but I'm too lazy to be proud. So you just get an imaginary gold star sticker. Hope you're happy with it. And please don't ever call me Kiete-sensei. That would be weird. I teach people, yes, but not people like you. No offense. If I was teaching someone like you sommat face-to-face, it would be chaos. I have zero patience for people who don't understand things — another reason it's hard to deal with little kids — and that usually leads to me generally being an angry **. Nobody likes that. C:

Questions, huh? I... guess I don't really have any. I mean, other than something completely random and unrelated. I dunno, maybe how much green tea you drink in a week. Or maybe sommat like how long your hair really is. I dunno. Personal questions are kind of boring. Unless I asked your professional opinion on Tyki, or something. ;D Just professional. Nothing else. I promise. But aside from that... I don't really have any questions. But I do have one last comment. I read a doujin with you and Mugen in it once, a while back. It... was strange, yes, but... special, in its own little way. I guess. Even if it was disturbing. Morbidly. xDD Don't ever read it. It'll scar you for life. And now that I've got that out of the way, there's really nada left.

Keep on keepin' on, man. xDD It's been fun, keeping up this little chat, but if it's time to move on, it's time to move on. So, I guess this'll be peace out for the last time. How sad. D: Don't die.

PEACE OUT.

-Tired of life?

Some of that catholic stuff seems ok (basically, I am just talking about the marriage thing). Wow, you really are a bad catholic. How about converting sometime?

That's right, show them who is who!! I hate wimps. And your friend has a stalker? How about telling the police? They would _love _that. Or maybe the police are corrupt where you live?

Yay, gold sticker. Hah, don't worry, I wouldn't ever call you that. Hey!! I do understand things, you just got to have patience. I know how you feel, I HATE children.

Personal questions lead me to think how much time you thought about them. My professional opinion on Tyki? I think that he has a good ability to fight but his arrogance lets him down. _That's all. _

_I READ IT._

Aw, but you were my _favourite. _I'll try not to die anytime soon.

Good bye.

* * *

16. The Autumn Alchemist:

Well, since people are doing this, I might as well do it too. *Laughs* Anyways, Kanda. I've got three (note the numerical number 3 ) words for you. Get. A. Life! I may be a fan of yours, but if you continue to be like this after the war, what'll happen to you when you survive? Don't you want your line to continue? Or are you too self-centered to even think that far?

Okay, that was harsh, but I had to throw that at you. Now, back onto the subject. Yaoi, I like. DGray Man pairings with you, Kanda, I like, but I'm not twisted enough to make an original version because of a request. The story I made was when I as at least 14, now 16, but you should know, at least I understand where you are coming from from us fangirls. We (a large portion of the female population) don't like it when a large portion of the male population like to see girls kissing and *ing (why don't you use your vocabulary to figure out the four letter word before 'ing') each other. No pointing Mugen at me, unless you want to deal with Itsuwari Hikaru and Yami *flicks single katana out to show I have them*

Next subject. I laugh at mpreg! What is up with that? All I can say is, it's loco! (Loco=crazy in spanish) Think me crazy and all, but if you want to start a fight, you go at me, the one with my own swords. Don't you pick a fight with any other girl (or guy) who can't stand up for theirself without a weapon. Or you'l fear my wrath! Mwa ha ha ha! *Is smacked in the head by friend* ...You can kill her though *points at friend.*

...Looking through this, I must seem very crazy to you. Gomen nasai, Kanda-san. But if you get my general points, then please don't kill me. Onegai? No killing Choaji please. He new and you may treat him like any other newbie, but please, people try. Allen is Allen, maltutrition and abandonment do that to stunt growth. That's why he's short. I'm short because of genetics, but am at least a few inches taller than Allen-san. Lavi... he's funny but you paired up with him is like... trying to at something sweet to a meal that can't be sweetened at all. You with Allen... *guilty look* at least I don't do anything else to instigate it! My story was a request only!

Anyways, sorry you have to read my pointless review. Hope you solve any problems you have with Komui, no killing him or Lenalee will probably crush your skull in with Dark Boots.

The-Autumn-Alchemist (If you haven't guessed, I love science/chemistry)

-Hey, I HAVE A LIFE. I just live it hard and fast, like true warriors do. Hopefully I won't die until I have accomplished something.

But surely some fan girls have boyfriends?! What will THEY think when they see their girlfriends reading/looking at Yaoi?! And I point Mugen wherever I want to. No, not like _that._

It IS crazy, yet it exists. I don't like to fight if the other isn't armed. Its just dishonourable. And will your friend put up a better or worse fight then you if she can smack you in the head? I wonder…

Yeah, you do seem kind of crazy. Don't worry, I will spare him, or my ass will be on the line. I think _everyone _is a few inches taller than him. Stop with your blatant yaoi parings!!! Once you have read it, your purity is soiled!!

Tell me about it... that girl is dangerous.

I hate science. Alchemist? Didn't they all die out years ago?

* * *

17. whiteninjaalchemist:

o.o people pair Kanda with Mugen? That is so sick on so many levels. How do you love a object that is used to kill floating ballons of evil? That is when the world is over run by fangirls and crazy boys who are gay. Peace out people! Get a hold of your self!

(Sorry for using the review as a rant item.)

-I know, I KNOW. I have no idea, but someone obviously found a way… eghhh…. THANK GOD. That single sentence sums up just about everything that needed to be said here!!

Its ok, you made _a lot _of sense.

* * *

18. E. R. Burke:

No death of Chaoji? Well darn! But I can't say I blame you. God knows what Tiedoll would make you do. He's WAY too cheery for my taste. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice enough person. Just, not somebody I could ever hold a conversation with unless I planned on bashing my head into the wall at the same time. (I'm a gloomy being by nature.)(And violent.)

... I was not aware that anybody paired you with Mugen. That's concerning. I really don't know what to say about that one.

Alright Kanda, I have a question that only somebody who knows what its like to get into a fight will understand. Such people are in short order where I live. To save room, just read the whole little story and then answer. 21 pages is overkill... Not too long ago at my school I beat up a guy because he was being rude to my friend. I didn't get into trouble because everybody in the school (including the teachers and our officer who screamed "I WILL RIP YOUR FACE OFF" at him during the little interrogation that happened after) like him. However, the little twit has managed to weasel his way back into my presence. He hasn't done anything to me or so much as talked to me since the incident, but he's just too close for comfort (hanging around my friends, walking unnecessarily by my locker, etc). I also don't think I could get away with attempted murder a second time. What do I do about the annoying stalker?

As for the hairtie problem, have you ever tried putting those really strong rat traps in your hairtie box? Lavi might be a Bookman, but he doesn't even have an attention span. Well... he does if there's a cute girl walking by... or he's braiding your hair apparently... other than that though, I've seen no evidence of ability to focus. Back to the point, he's not likely to see the rat traps until it's just a little too late.

Ps- If you aren't going to kill Chaoji, what about that one really creepy guy Lenalee doesn't like. Um... I can't remember how to spell his name... He's the guy with the obviously fake eyebrows (somebody MUST have glued those on his face) and Hitler mustache. Levierrer or something like that?

-_Exactly._

He IS a nice person, but his attitude REALLY annoys me. I am glad you share my views.

READ IT. IT WILL KILL YOU.

You beat up a guy? Good for you!! Little punk, he deserved it!! However, stalkers are not fun. (I should know…) the best thing to do is go up to him when he is in the act of doing such a thing, and then saying "Hey, what's your problem?! Why are you stalking me?!" Reeeaaaallly loud, and then people will hear, and unless he want's his butt kicked a second time, he will stay away. Or, he'll try to hit you. If he does, then he'll get in trouble for starting it. Its all good. And if the teachers hate him… then everyone on your side!!

Heh.

Rap traps… hmmm… I'll have to invest in those. _A lot _of them. I hope he gets _hurt. _your right, he's smart, but his low attention span is troublesome for both him, and the people he works with.

Oh, him? If I did, he would kill _me _(or, he would try to). After all, he one of the heads of the Order. However, next time I see him, I will _accidentally drop Mugen, who will be out of its sheath, onto his foot. _

Yes, I HATE him too. Damn sadist…

* * *

19. UnbornHope:

... Well I must say, I was incredibly shocked to get this update. I would miss you, even if you are not (though you should be.. No offense intended) dead.

Maybe not 'technically', but a chan you shall stay. Ne, Kanda-chan? (-snicker-) And I definitly did not. He is the only person in that organization (temporarily, of course) that has a decent sense of humor. Yours, well... You end up killing people in your sense of humor. 'Lord'- 'Lawd' in the end it's the same, just with my incredibly awsome dialect. It'd be hard to hate you, even if Lawd forbade it, for the next step under Lawd made you exist, and I cannot dislike anything she does.

There is no doubts in that. I have a question, if you don't mind of course. After you find this person (I am going to assume that is what you consider your purpose) what are you going to do? I hope you're not expecting your life to end then and there. Girl thoughts are like boy thoughts, just different intentions and what-not. If I ever did see you cuddle a kitten, I'd assume it's an ironically 'Kanda-looking' cosplayer with bad acting skills. You save humans on the way, do you not? 'The Ebil Peoples' are just that. Ebil peoples. Although, some might call them the pawns of the Millenium Earl.

Oh, well thank you very much. Your rants are quite... nice to read as well. I will regret the day either die. But it will happen, no doubts on that. Hm, that's a good idea. He probably wouldn't get too upset, although he wouldn't come near me while I'm on the computer for awhile.

My fanfictions? No, I write fluffy stuff. I have not written a yaoi, so my fanfictions are mostly just little friendship fluff stuff. I just prefer yaoi only when it's er.. violent. 'Cause that's what men are. Violent. The law is okay, but I don't do things for it's sake, but for my morals'. In the end, it means little to my actions. Ah, it's so hard some times to get correct information. But it's at least I get some weight of my shoulders. I was worried of her. .. I do not wish to know what you consider 'nice' and 'friendly'.

You could always ask Komui. He always has crazy stuff like that. But then again... never mind. About that whole 'Not dead' thing. You sure you're not dead? Some spirits don't know they're dead for awhile... Nah, I live in the country side, on the land. But it sure would be nice to live in a clouds... Randomness and weird ideas are nicer than you think. You should try poofin' up some some time.

-I'm not dying anytime soon. Get over it.

Damn you!! I'm not a CHAN!! I have a sense of humour! It's just hard to understand it sometimes. And Lawd is a she now?! Since when?!

… My life will end in some sense when I find them, for it's my purpose. I might possibly die, because I know its not going to be easy finding them at all. And yes, I save people as an extra, because I can, and I WILL NEVER cuddle a _kitten. _Damn cosplayers.

They will die, and it will probably be the end of the world (that _baka Hoshino will see to that)_. He WOULD'NT be upset?! What?! Is he insane?!!

Yes, friendship is good. Men _are _violent. But then again, look at some women. Look at Lenalee. She's _more violent then anybody takes her for. _She's better now. I don't know what weird yet common illness she had this time. My NICE and FRIENDLY is… talking, and having green tea. Then I'll get mad and do something that is totally expected of me to do.

If I was dead, would I be able to type?! _Randomness _is for stupid people. I prefer logic. But, I do have a random idea. What if Moyashi didn't exist? Would we all be dead? Would the world be better? Would there be a Moyashi replacement that was even worse than he was at fighting?

We may never know.

* * *

20. Seengot:

What are you, **?  
Can you stop saying baka all the time when your writing in English? It makes you look like an idiot. Sorry, forgot you are one.

馬鹿

You get angry easily, that's not an admirable trait to have. Keep it up and some raper is going to shoot you on the street. Real nice. How do you know Soubi and Ritsuka aren't your parents? For all you know I could be your real parent...if I was about twenty years older, I'm only fourteen, and not a ** like Allen. Its not like when your born you can remember the face of your mother anyways. Also, you're probably not a virgin anyways. Komui probably raped you or had someone rape you just to see what would happen.

Yes, I am a genius. You are a gay pedo and you give the Japanese people a bad name.

-Wow. What the hell happened to you? Didn't you used to be _fun_?

Be _arrogant_, if you want_. _"Arrogance makes a strong person, ignorance makes them weak."

Learn from that.

* * *

20. Kiarra-Chan:

Ok! I've been thinking a fan fic about you, but I need your input!

-PM me, Kiarra-chan.

* * *

21. WrathofMugen

Hello again..*grimaces* H-how can you be paired with Mugen!! I agree Kanda-sama people who have the time to actually write about you being paired up with inanimate objects need to get a life. Which reminds me I did see this doujinshi once with you and Mugen paired up...well not really it was the hell's insects, and let me tell you, Kanda-sama *shivers* it was really scary and disturbing! Even then people made you the uke! I mean what the *! *crosses arms* now a question to ask... What do you think about all the doujinshi books people make with the characters of -Man? Some of them have really creepy pairings. For example KomuixMoyashi-chan! That is disgusting! -Wrath of Mugen

-Tell me about it!! You should really see it. Go on, look for it. Its disturbing. Wait a sec… THAT'S THE ONE!! THAT'S IT!!!!! I saw it!! It was horrible!!! Gahh!!!

I think some of them actually have good artwork in them and actually look like us. I think the yaoi/yuri one are horrible. KOMUIXMOYASHI… See, the thing is, as long as Moyashi hangs around with Lenalee, Komui will hate him, so that paring is literally _stupid._

* * *

22. SengetsuPwnzU:

-reappears- miss me? -.- ok that was a stupid question, i know you didnt.  
ANYWAY, lets get on with this...

-Thank you, i have a healthy level of gangirl-ism for all my favorite anime/characters...though sometimes i go a little crazy with them :sweatdrop:  
-Well, i dont know about liking it, but they never complain when we're watching/reading it  
-um, yes you are girly, if not completely then just half way  
-Lavi!? why him?! yes you guys would would probably make a good couple(even if im sure it wouldnt last because you dont like relationships and lavi has to be bookman sooner or later) but still?!?!  
-No! you must now live with the fact the you choose Lavi(of all people in the anime) for the rest of your life XP  
-As from above, who in the intire anime would you rather get paired up with? answer for both male and female please? And i swear if you pick General Tiedoll i will literally laugh my fuking ** off  
-Yes she is!! shes distracting Allen-kun away from you with her so called "good looks" -gags-  
-lmfao HOW did i know you were going to react like this?! rotfl Oh, and i can say- that because this is America(over here anyway, i dont really care where the ** you are right now) and here we can say anything we want so XP!!  
and dont denie it! you must've done it sometime or another. Unless..-evil glint in eye-you actually are seeing someone?? On another note are you even a virgin? cuz that would be kinda sad for someone your age  
and i am not a "baka" im mental ^,.,^  
-OK, if the internet stop people from doing that stuff then you didnt really kill Allen and Lavi, yiou just wrote it down!! 0.0 YAY!! -runs and hugs now ALIVE Allen and Lavi-  
--.-...thats still thinking about killing. And why Allen?! what did he ever do to you?! its not like he kissed you like in "Naruto" or something...wait, did he? Did you kiss back?! TELL ME!! lol  
-yes ive noticed that, ive actually read some of them and your replies...your really mean you know that..  
--kisses cheek again- haha! what are you going to do about it?!and i know im a freak, im a proud freak, so nothing you say to me will afend me cause ill always take it as a compliment  
-0.0 what? it is?! No fair!!  
-About whiteninjaalchmist's review, yay! glad to see more of my friends are reading this(holy ** your like a fuking disease or something) you 'love' her?! i thought you didnt love anybody!  
-yes it is the truth, but people have this little thing called "imagination," so we can make anything we want come true. thats why the motto of Fanfiction is "Unlease Your Imagination" duh! so i could make you one of those preppy, chearleading girls that falls in love with Allen(the Quarterback or some **) if i wanted too! so XP

:__:__:__:__:__:

now what you've learned...

-no duh, not alot of people read that ** anyway so how are we suppose to know?  
-well that ONE person is messed up!(more so then me)  
-I AM NOT!! im jealous FOR you sence you cant seem to use the proper emotions a person needs to live...and plus i just dot like her  
-YAY! COOKIES FOR EVERONE!! 0.0 wtf?! i take that back! MINE MINE!  
-if you hate him, then kill him! no 1s going to miss him! it'll be a quick, easy job  
-ok the whole pairing you with Mugan thing, thats gross. I even found one where 'first illusion' was real and your sperm was its food!!

well ja-ne, koi! until next time!! ^,.,^ -disappears-

-No, I didn't. Heh.

Don't worry, you are not alone. A LOT of people go crazy over them. And I am not girly, FULL STOP. And I would HAVE to choose him over MOYASHI. I would kill him within the first thirty minutes, though.

GENERAL?!?! I'M NOT SICK.

…. If I had to pick?

…… I really don't want to say…

… Lenalee.

Now go die please. AND IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY, SHE IS A GIRL, AND SHE DOESN'T GET ON MY NERVES. THAT IS IT!!

Damn American. STOP PRYING INTO MY LIFE. YOU KNOW THE ANSWERS TO ALL THOSE QUESTIONS, OK?!?! Yes, you are 'mental'. And I kill those too in my mind, its very satisfying, too.

HE DID NOT KISS ME, OR COME NEAR ME AT ALL. I wouldn't allow him too. Hey, I am not mean!! Look how nice I am being now!! Nice!! I I will have to shower ten times over to get rid of your kissing!!

I love her in a metaphorical way. HOW CAN I BE A CHEERLEADING GIRL?!!?!?!!

You are _totally _jealous of Lenalee. I know killing Chaoji will be easy, but I just _can't. _I KNOW, THAT WAS THE ONE I READ. I am scared…

* * *

23. xXDeath-N'-HellXx:

Dear baKanda, (Grins)

Hokay. I know this is the 5th chapter and all, but I'm gonna be answering your questions from your first chapter.

Ok, let's start with why people think you look like a girl. Well, as much as i hate to admit it, it's your hair. Although it is totally awesome. (I'm Japanese...) (It doesn't really look that girly though, if you think about it. If a girl had your hair style, they would have some part of their hair a bit different, not all of it entirely strait. Girl's seem to want to make their hair look more interesting than necessary...) Most people have this retarded idea in their heads that, if a guy has long hair, they MUST look like a girl, even if all the rest of their features are completely and utterly male.

Now, because of this dumb-** idea, they think you look quite sexy with another guy. They also find that, your personality (Cold, bitter,spiteful, murderous, etc, etc...) is perfect to mold into a stupid-hidden-emotional-personality. In other words, they seem to like to make it seem that even though you seem very cold on the outside, inside, you care very deeply about all your comrades, and especially one individual guy. (That guy varies...)

Which is complete **.

It's pretty obvious if you watch/read the anime/manga that you are almost completely heartless, (no offense, it's true though) and wouldn't give a second thought of leaving behind someone if they proved to be a nuisance.

And personally, I don't understand why they do yaoi with you.

I mean, I get that a lot of girls, (excluding me... wait, I'm not really into that stuff... I'm 12...) feel a need to see two hot guys making out, but why with YOU? You're the least likely person to ever do anything like that. And seriously... you (Kanda) and ...Allen...?

That is pathetic.

You two hate each other more than Zeus hates Hades, and all those girls out there think it's hot when you two make out? Yeah, I like love-hate relationships, but that is going TOO FAR. And you and Lavi also don't make any sense. You hate him nearly as much as you hate Allen.

And to tell you the truth, most of those Yaoi stories SUCK. They make you (Kanda) really gentle and emotional, and then the other, Lavi for instance, really emo... I'd hurl on my own will if vomit didn't taste so bad.

(Looks up) Oh... wow. Sorry, that turned out to be really long...

D-n-h

- Grrrr… It's Kanda…

Thank you for your complement. I think my hair is fine, but I wont change it for anyone. Your Japanese? Wow, you are like the… first person I think, I have met on here, a FANFICTION site, that is actually Asian. it's a shock, really. I think that I girl would look… weird with my hair, but that is just me. Damn these girls, eh? They completely ignore the rest of me!!

Inside, I am as cold as I am outside. Its no mask, I am what I am, and I have said that before. I _don't _get emotional, I _don't _cry, and I _DON'T _kiss boys!! Even though that guy varies, it is usually… MOYASHI.

Don't worry, I am heartless. I don't really care about most of the people around me, because if there is a job to be done, It SHOULD be completed, even if a few people are lost along the way. They are just faces. Nothing else.

Hn, neither do I.

Your 12? Well, I really admire the way you talk here then. Don't get into that stuff. It'll ruin you. It'll NEVER EVER happen in a million years, for as long as I am breathing.

Lavi is as annoying as hell, and he just doesn't _shut up. _If anyone thought me and Moyashi were polar opposites, we are not. Me and LAVI are.

Lavi isn't emo. He is emotional, but he is happy. And I don't do emotions. It doesn't suit me. They all do suck quite a bit, actually. _Gentle? _No, that defiantly isn't me.

Its fine. I like you. Your one of the rare people that make sense. To bad you didn't find me earlier.

* * *

Its all over.

Don't expect and emotional goodbye. Lenalee will probably edit all the swear words out of it. Yes, she IS watching me whilst I am writing this. And now she is hitting me!! Damn woman, can't you see I am typing?! Leave me alone!! I can't concentrate on two things at one!!

Anyhow, look at the niceness of this chapter compared to the other ones. NICE. ITS ALL NICE. Uhh, I feel violated. At least I was able to express _personal opinion. _She hasn't taken that away from me yet!! (Ouch, she hit me again.) Luckily, she can't tell some on my comments apart from yours, so she doesn't spot a lot of stuff. (Heh.)

So, it's the end of the road. Some of you were quite _fun _to talk too. (I have my personal favourites, but I am not going to share them with you. You'll know if I like you or not. Lenalee says; "Don't say things like that! You'll sound grumpy!" … to late.)

Some of you I just want to gut with a pen knife- I mean, _hug and be friendly to. _

I learn a lot of things, like I learnt about Yaoi, Mpreg, Yuri, MeXMugen fanfic's, the 'Lawd', why Timcampy likes to stalk me, that some people here are WAY TO YOUNG, why some people like to deliberately wind me up, and then get angry when I shout at them and call them names, how to speak/write in a grammatically correct way, what hair styles I could have but never will get, I had reasons why I look like a girl, why people think I am gay, and why they pair e with Moyashi/Lavi, people requesting threesomes, and people asking advice from me.

Wohoo. Its been an _interesting _journey. Now, back to my life. I have Akuma to slay, people to find, and the earl to track. They are all way more important than _fanfiction. _You never know; one day, I MIGHT write one. Then you'll all see… I'll slaughter your 'Mary sues'…

Anyhow! I hope you live your lives (what lives?! Seriously, you Yaoi freaks!!) happily, and I hope you don't _die _anytime soon.

Oh, and if you answer back to this chapter, I'll rant at you. And you _don't _want that. Actually, some of you might. Baka no fangirls…pftt.

Good bye.

Kanda.

PS: Lenalee showed me how to type 'smilies'. Like this: (: It means 'happy'. And ): is 'sad'. Unfortunately, they are sideways, so technically they are _nothing. _I don't really know when to use them, nor do I plan on using them.

):

Grrr.. I'm going to be forced into writing another chapter, aren't I?


	6. RANTRANTRANT

**This is urgent. URGENT. **

**You will never guess what?!!? MOYASHI JOINED UP.**

**That utter bastard, who does he think he is, strutting in here, attempting to look cool?! I WAS HERE FIRST! FIRST!! And I am **_**not **_**childish! He is invading my space! What do I have to do to get away from him; die?! I woke up in the morning to find this note on my door:**

"**I know what your up to. Go online, check it out, BaKanda. -Allen."**

**The nerve of that bastard!! Seriously, can't I report him or something?! **

**This is what he wrote:**

* * *

ExorcistAllenWalker:

Dear BaKanda -Aww, can't handle the internet~?But your fans, they'll be terribly upset! Ha ha. In case you're too stupid to figure it out, that was a wonderful thing called , I really don't understand how people turn my hatred for you into being attracted to you. But what does make sense to me is you and Mugen. Seriously, you're so socially crippled.

It would only make sense for your sword, the only thing you seem to have positive feelings for, to be your significant other....But that whole thing about Mugen feeding on your...ugh...was kind of... of all, no matter what creature you were, I would never, ever touch you. Ever. I am not stupid, BaKanda, only you everyone - Of course Kanda doesn't like anyone. This is Kanda. Even though the whole thing about him and Mugen makes a lot of sense, obviously, the only one he loves is himself.

Stupid, self-absorbed, girly-haired man.A few final notes:Thank you, Lenalee!And......Guys. I don't like Lenalee, alright? Or BaKanda. Or whoever you could possibly pair me up with. I don't really have time for things like that. I'm an exorcist. Besides, Komui would murder , and I don't have a hero complex. :'((Oh my gosh, I love these smiley things!)And, finally, I AM NOT SHORT! I'm only 15, and I'm still growing! BaKanda is just taller than me because he's three years older than me. It only makes sense!That is all. :D- AllenP.S. I'm putting this on alert. This will be amusing.

* * *

… Ok, I am going to rant now. Be prepared.

(Actually, one of the reasons I am so mad was becasue he made fun of Mugen...)

Ok, alright, ok.

…What the _hell_ are you doing, Moyashi?! Stupid punk, you don't belong on here! You suck at writing, and you are just copying me! You see, I best you in fighting, arguing, and a WHOLE lot more, so what makes you think you can best me in words?! I mean, I actually have a talent for writing! You?! You have _none! (Also, you are short!)_

You know, Moyashi, I _really _hate you. Just like a mindless sheep, you follow everyone else and have no distinct personality. This is one of the things I hate about you. I also hate how gullible and naive you are. I mean, you trust just about ANYONE you come across!! I hate the way your hair is white, too! (Oh, it makes you super-special, doesn't it?! )

And don't talk about FANS! I have more fans than _you! _I'm number one in the popularity polls; that's right, its _your show _and your not even the one everyone likes! See how that works?! AND I AM NOT SOCIALLY CRIPPLED! I just don't go around, talking to what's-his-name and that-random-guy! Seriously, you would have thought that at least your_ father _would have told you NOT TO SPEAK TO STRANGERS. I could say a lot of other things revolving around _that subject, _but I won't, I know where LIMITS are, not like you, BAKA MOYASHI. (AND you are short!!)

And Mugen is a _tool _that has saved your sorry ass/ the world on a number of times! At least I actually have a SWORD, not some pathetic excuse for a blade like YOURS. Seriously, its so bulky and slow, I am surprised you can hit ANYTHING with it! In fact, how do your puny arms even lift that thing, Moyashi!?!

CREATURE?!?! I am a human being, you little ass-hole! I have a heart (and some other major organs) and I have the physical makeup of a human, so therefore, I AM HUMAN (also, I don't have some ugly scar sliced into my face that makes me look like a child has drawn on me)!

AND I DO NOT LOVE MYSELF! Just because I like to show off (and I can actually pull that off, mister 'Oh, I am going to act all big and tough and then I will get hit by a level one'!) _doesn't _mean I like myself (also, just because I look after _my _body, and I don't shove crappy food into it, and I bathe often, and I _wash my hair, _It doesn't make me SELF ABSORBED)!

Grrrrr… GRRR MY HAIR IS NOT GIRLY! IT IS FINE, YOUR HAIR IS WEIRD AND WHITE AND CURSED. LOOK AT _YOUR _HAIR! LOOK AT IT!! IF MINE IS GIRLY, THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS YOURS?!

And I got rid of Lenalee by telling her I am _working. _She is as stupid as you are, _Moyashi_!!

AllenXLenalee

AllenXLenalee

MOYASHIXLENALEE

The secret is out, ne?! That, or maybe you are GAY with Lavi, hmm?! I saw you two in the outside bath together! WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE, I WONDER?! And also, you DO have a hero complex. Maybe, If I beat the shit out of you, you wouldn't be so 'high-and-mighty'?!

Similes make you look even more queer, you do know that, right?

Yeah, yeah, whatever. When I was your age, I was still taller than you. FACE IT, MOYASHI, you are not _growing _at all, and you will _remain _short. Ok? And, just in case you are too dumb to notice, I am patronising you.

**Ok, you know what?! I'll beat you. I'll beat you in _anything. _Ok, so a writing war it is!! Come on, Moyashi, or are you too _chicken to do it?_**

**Fangirls! I will write _anything _(that isn't yaoi/yuri) on request (the best request), just like Moyashi, except I will do it better!!**

The war is on, Moyashi! Can you keep up with the likes of _me?!_

_-Kanda. _

_PS: I DO NOT HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES- ok, you know what? I am going to end up ranting here, too, so I'll shut up. For now. _

PPS: What is this about me and cats?! I don't like them!! Or dogs!! Or animals in general!!

Ok... ok... I'm calm.


	7. Writing

Hello, whatever.

You see, because I am only allowed to beat his sorry ass in the gym (and also, accidentally in the feild), the least I can do is beat him on here, right? That's what I keep saying to myself.

I thought I would just say that.

Lets get going. I have three ideas here which I liked. Seriously, I CAN'T kill Chaoji! (You KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) I know you hate him like everyone else, but if the general gets on here, I'll be killed, or _worse, _knowing that crazy old man. In his eyes, I would be killing my brother… even IF he is a me-fan boy-

Ok, you know what?! I give up. Check number _three. _

So, here are some of the ideas that I saw. _And _the writing to accompany them.

Watch me, Moyashi, as I stun you with my writing skills. Be careful not to get jealous, now.

* * *

1. ScarredWitch:

Lord God in the Heavens Above, you two argue like brothers! *gr* It's annoying! *gr* In my opinion, you two are both powerful exorcists; height has nothing to do with it. Can't you at least agree on that?!?!

I'll admit, this was FUNNY! Despite the damage it caused to my eardrums, KANDA *pulls off the earmuffs.* And you do have anger management issuses! You wouldn't be so worked up if you didn't!

I am glad Allen's here. He's like a brother-figure to me (I have no brothers, sadly). Kanda-san, since you're so competitive, this should put you ahead if you go back to what I said in my earlier replies.

So, Kanda-san, since you said you would write about ANYTHING we requested, I have one:  
Theme: Impending/Inevitable Death  
Character: a young Witch named Alexandra who's cursed to "die" on the sunset of her 18th birthday (She's not the ideal witch; she deals with spirits, ghosts, demons, etc.)  
Main Idea: She has to find a way to free herself from the curse before her 18th birthday (she's 17 now).  
Genre: Tragedy, Horror, take your pick.  
Alex's appearance: Dark, dark black hair, ice-blue eyes, and snow-white skin (I mean it's REALLY white).

Well, that's it. Kanda, hopefully you'll be courteous enough to introduce me to Allen. I'm telling you, Allen, this guy does NOT understand the simple concept that I like the colors black and silver and THAT I HATE PINK! He keeps on teasing me about it, and I've had ENOUGH!

By the way, Allen-san, my sister has a crush on you! C:

_(-Introduce yourself to that idiot. I'm writing yours, even though I have NO BACKGROUND KNOWLEDGE of whom you are writing about. I just liked the fact she was cursed (I can relate to that…). Have fun with it._

… _Why is 'die' in apostrophes?! Is she going to die or what?!)_

* * *

Black dawn:

For ScarredWitch

It was here, amongst the pale weeds and the naked flowers, where the maiden sat with her glazed eyes on the floor, unremarkably still in her silent trance. The soft trill of small birds did nothing to help her; in fact, their beady stares made it worse, and their sickeningly bright colours were of stark contrast to her. The feathers fell like snow at her feet and danced in the quiet wind around her form. Small bodies darted above her, like streamers in the sky, before disappearing into the blaze of sunlight.

Yes, she sat, with an air of hopelessness, around the marvel of color.

"Help…" And softly, the tears fell.

She, of unusually tough disposition, was not supposed to cry like this. She was supposed to be the one who always cheered others on, always looked on the positive side, always was strong, but the mere thought of 'coming of age' shook her to her core and made her collapse inside. How _pathetic. _Of course, the subtle comfort of spirits and the long-dead was something she had always treasured, despite her depression, for to be bathed in their attention was to feel as though you were flying; it shouldn't happen, but it does. The miraculous intake of breath as they swam around her, and the even more miraculous intake of breath as they attacked her, was her life. Oh, what a thrilling life the witch lead, one to be envied.

Or, so it should have been.

Through all the thrilling action, the suspense, the drama, and the rewards, came the rain, which fell hard and fast upon her head. After all, who want's a ghost-chaser? A spirit-seer? A _witch? _After all that, whilst all the other children had a home to run to, a place to feel safe, she had nothing, and 'nothing' couldn't keep out the rain, protect her from the wind, save her from the constant steam of people who thought she was 'dangerous'.

Though of course, a curse hurts no-one but the person its inflicted upon. And around her heart, surely, a curse sat, cast in iron, killing her slowly. On days, she would muffle screams in her clothes at the agony it caused her, though not physically, but mentally, and would be left in the silence with a hurting head. And like a clock inside her chest, she heard the ticking, and the battery was dieing out. How long was left? Till she reached maturity? What an agonising wait, when you were just a year away, in the peak of fitness, the peak of power, and through your bleeding heart, you could see the truth in people, even if no-one believed you.

Oh, what was a young girl to do?

Where was everyone?

Was she alone?

_Why_?

In the stream of never-answered questions, she lost herself to confusion and tragedy. As she felt sorry for herself, she expected others in turn to pity her, the girl different from the rest, the one who was never going to be able to live. Despair had settled in her soul, and became like contours on her pale skin.

And so, at the end of the day, she would return to the place of solitude, and sit, with her hands in her lap, and stare at the setting sun. Another day lost to the moon, and another day closer to 'that day', when those birds would stop singing and their colors would go unnoticed. The soft blues would fade into the deep black, and the sun, lingering on the edge of the horizon, disappears, to reappear once more the next day, to blissfully ignore the girl that was right under it's piercing gaze.

Alexandra curls into a ball of silky black hair, and the eyes disappear, and she becomes nothing but a sleeping body, to awake in the morning.

It was true, that behind every person, no matter how tough, if you could strip them to the core, they would be as fragile as the suckling kitten, and would shake upon you touching them, and would cry at the slightest of discomfort. She was such a kitten, and beneath the deep, crystal eyes, a little girl screamed. Salvation, salvation, salvation. A life lost, nothing gained.

It would be another day tomorrow- another step towards that black dawn.

(A/N: Hah, I made up her personality.)

* * *

2. Timcanpy:

:0  
that was a... awesome speech!! (though this doesn't sound good of a... nevermind...)  
anyway, A-chan (Allen) beat you two out of three popularity votes...

... onto the main topic, a request!: ... write a story based on any poem. the main character has to be you (of course, since you're the star! :)).

(-_Shut up, no he didn't!! Stupid ball… grrrr…a story based on a poem?! I don't KNOW any poems?! Do you want me to write a poem about me or something?!)_

* * *

Of casualties:

About me, for Timcampy (stupid ball!!)

(Yup, I suck at poetry. Whatever. It's not like I write poetry often.)

The spectacular line of casualties

That span before the gun-metal eyes

Were nothing but hindrances

Closely followed by cries

And in the howling night

The blood drew bright; stains

On the sandy ground

And the only sound

Was his heart against the world

The colors swirled and swirled

Until all that was left was black

And that ever lingering red

On a white canvas

Which bled and bled.

...

The spectacular line of casualties

That span before the gun-metal eyes

Were always rising, like a phoenix

Where in the flames, it resides

And the limbs go 'crack'

Beneath the blade of blue

And an aim held true

But they kept on coming, one by one

And one by one, they were swept

Aside like leaves in a gale

The people kept well away

For they were tired and frail

But he couldn't help, and he forgot

...

The people who were left to rot.

The spectacular line of casualties

Span before the gun-metal eyes

And he could only think that he

Was going to last; to live,

And the other lives on the field

Were fading, most already gone

He had nothing but a sword to wield

Which in the darkness, shone.

Were they doomed from the start?

He clutched at his heart

Yes, they were going to die

in front of his gun-metal eyes

And he could do nothing

But watch as they cried.

(A/N: Yes, I watch people die all the time. Notice how I don't seem to care a lot here. Also, the dots are inbetween the stanzas to create a gap, becasue FF .net keeps getting rid of them!!)

* * *

3. ShiraiHime:

Write anything!? ...Okay, since you don't allow yaoi, how about...YOU KILLING CHAOJI. YEAH!! I hate that **! He's such a goddamn Kanda fanboy! Grrhh..Just seeing his face makes me want to beat the crap out of him! Except I can't do that since I'd end up crumpling a good page of D .Gray-Man, with other awesome bishounen in it. Like you, Kanda-dono! 8D

Haha, though I love Allen, it's kind of true that he's pretty short. I'm a year younger than him (he's fifteen right?) and I checked our heights-I'M TALLER. And I'm a girl! Hahaha! So he really is a moyashi! (I still love him though. But of course you come first on my list Kanda-dono! )

Mm..you called him a mindless sheep...But...

Don't mindless sheep get eaten by wolves? 8D (I'm hinting something here, in case you don't get it :) )

I thought that thing about him liking smilies was cute :)

About the animal thing, maybe people think that you were the quiet type that was good with animals? I dunno, it's just a guess, I never really thought of you as an animal-loving person =w=

That's all for now!

_(You are so damn persistent (like me)!! Fine, have your own way. Look below. And also, what are you hinting? That I'll eat Moyashi? Nah, he won't taste nice. He's all scarred up. And I hate animals!!)_

* * *

In pitch black:

For ShiraiHime.

It was in pitch black, when his heart raced and his brain sparked thoughts of immanent death that were yet to come true. Pinned to a wall by, what could only be described in the dim light as a _monster_, he grit his teeth and tried to invocate the innocence at his wrist. Upon failing, he felt the back of his head crash against the wall as the man in front of him punched him in his face. The thin trickle of blood that had been coming from his lip now became a stream as red erupted from his nose.

"Tell me…" It was breathy, and angry. "Why the fuck you were taking pictures of me when I was asleep?!"

He paused, and the only sound in the air was the harsh breathing of his captor and the clink of his useless innocence. He was too inexperienced, he couldn't activate it. He tried again. Yet again his head slammed into the wall with force. This time, he could feel tears spring up to his eyes; quite unmanly. But, he hurt in more places than one, and he was tired, and scared.

He couldn't answer the question, either.

Having always looked up to Kanda since he joined the team, his friendship (or lack of) with the man had blossomed into mild obsession. Truthfully, he wanted to get a picture of his idol in a state where he could not hit him for his photo album, which had his general's team in it. There were a lot of pictures, and in most of them, Kanda was frowning, scowling, and in one, even threatening someone with death. It was horrible, because he wanted nice pictures in his album.

"Answer me!!" He was flung to the floor, where he was swiftly kicked in the side and then pinned by a foot upon his chest.

"I-I'm sorry, Kanda!!" Chaoji cried, arms raising to protect his aching and bloody head. There was a deep scowl; a sound that made him shiver and want to hide. But, circumstances stopped him moving anywhere. "I just wanted a nice pic-"

"Lies!" The man hissed. "Have you not _read _all my rants?! Have you not listened to a word I have said?! I _hate _Yaoi!! I detest it!! And there you are, taking pictures of me _whilst I am asleep in nothing but my boxers!_ Hand over that camera, Chaoji, or things will turn _bad._"

The threat was real.

"Bu-but-"

"Oh, that's it!" Kanda drew Mugen stealthily from its sheath. "I've had enough of you, you useless bastard! ShiraiHime told me to kill you _ages _a go, but I ignored her! Now, you'll suffer for being one of the most useless characters I have ever seen, with the most generic innocence ever, and I don't care what master does to me!!"

"No-!!"

He plunged Mugen deep into the right side of his chest. There was a wet gurgling sound before blood oozed from the wound, and from the bigger mans mouth, more blood came. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, the pain was so bad; he felt immobilised. The liquid flowed through his lungs, effectively drowning him slowly, as his breath became hot with the substance and his eyes became blank with the realisation that he was going to die.

And, ever slow slowly, he slanted the sword, and leant on it. It slid deeper in, through the ribs and to somewhere where Kanda didn't actually know. Chaoji had began thrashing, and to avoid him getting up, the man put both feet on his arms, and commanded him to stop moving. He didn't. Inside him, though Mugen was in a locked, secure position where it couldn't do much damage, he still thought it was cutting him up, so he tried to move more, speech coming out in gasps and screams.

Kanda smirked, and withdrew Mugen, a rush of red following the blade. But, the man was still alive. Still there, alive and kicking, even if he was half dead, and half conscious. It was time to end it. He was going to make this sick guy wish he had never been born in the best way he could.

"Brace yourself, Chaoji." The man grinned. "You are going to find out how the Akuma feel when I am destroying them."

Chaoji couldn't hear him.

"Innocence, activate!" The sword flared blue and looked as if it had been set on fire. "First illusion: hells insects!!"

A gang of little creatures, full of teeth, burst forth into the air.

"Attack!"

They dived, right for the wound, where their master had wounded Chaoji. The man on the floor looked in horror as he was about to be destroyed by these creatures that he had seen so many times. One by one, they squirmed into his body, their eyes glistening. They tore muscle, ate away at his insides. Chaoji screamed, thrashed, cried, and prayed for help. It was _hell on earth._ They could be seen, wiggling beneath his skin, devouring flesh with their sharp teeth, destroying tissue and other important stuff, little by little.

Chaojis eyes had remained open in death, and when his body had ceased to breathe, they continued to eat, under the watchful gaze of their master.

Through the sickening squelches in front him, Kanda carefully went over to Chaoji's bag and extracted the camera. Stupid Chaoji. The man knew it was there all along, but Chaoji didn't. He flipped the camera open, and looked at the film. His head tilted to the side in wonder.

He quickly snapped open the back and pulled out the brown film, and using light from Mugen, he looked at the pictures. Him and Marie, Chaoji and Master, Master and him… and that was it. _No pictures of him half naked._

"That idiot." Kanda hissed, carelessly tossing the camera away. "He didn't have any film left when he took those pictures. What a waste of time. "

He looked back at the body, though alive with movement, he was still dead. His body was jerking and writhing on the floor as the little creatures moved inside him. As he convulsed, the pool of blood beneath him was getting bigger. That was enough. The little creatures disappeared at the wave of the sword they were spawned from, and yet again, the two were in pitch black.

Except, only one of them was breathing.

And then all of a sudden, there was light.

"Yuu-chan! Yuu-chan!! Never guess what I have found!!"

He turned as Lavi had opened the door at the top of the short flight of steps that led into the basement, letting in enough light to see Kanda but not Chaoji. Lavi had a keen instinct, not unlike a dog following its prey, when it came to tracking.

"What?"

And there, in his hands, was a picture of _Kanda in his boxers, splayed out on his bed, asleep. _He tensed. Lavi couldn't see his expression clearly.

"Oh, Lavi." He smirked. "Come down here so I can see it better. Close the door, on the way down as well. Don't worry, the lamp is on."

"…Ok."

And Lavi, who closed the door, and tiptoed down the steps with a picture in his hand, was just about visible in the dim light.

It was practically pitch black;

Until Mugen activated.

(HahAahaaHAHAahHAhaha KILL LAVI!!!)

* * *

Master! Master! I am so sorry! I promise I will wash my mouth out with soap myself!! I won't eat anything for a week!! I will _cut my hair!! _PLEASE, PLEASE don't hurt me!!

Ehem. I know its pathetic, but necessary. _Do you know what than man is capable of?! _

Anyway.

Well, that was fun (not to mention completely random). I like to write. Yaaaay. I am _so _enthusiastic. Let me give you flowers and shower you with praise. (Sarcasm.)

**Anyhow, please take note of my new law. **

---Because I receive WAY to many comments to answer, I will answer five comments that I think are the best comments. These comments could be anything, they could be randomly chosen, whatever, but just make them good, and then I will answer them.

--I will write anything that isn't to do with sex, Yaoi, Yuri, Hentai, ect. I will pick three ideas from comments. I can even do your crappy Mary-sues. Yes.

These ideas, as I said above, could be first come first serve, randomly picked, whatever. The three above were random. Otherwise, do you think I would really choose to write poetry?! (I was tempted to do the one someone requested about torture, but if I did, it would go on for days.)

By the way, random selection is done by randomly pointing at one on the screen with my eyes closed.

Jesus, I was up late writing this. I think Lavi saw me. That's the last thing I need…

The reviews I picked this time:

* * *

1. mameha17:

Sounds like some one's afraid~

Sincerely, Mameha

-… What the _hell _is THAT supposed to mean?!

Afraid of the General after he reads what I have wrote: yes.

Baka no Moyashi: Not in a million years.

* * *

2. AmazinglyUntalented:

I have taken Allen's side, but I don't care (sides don't really matter to me in wars like these, to boring being on only one, so I'm like a double-triple agent) I shall still post whatever it is you post here. ANYWAY, for one you wouldn't look good in a dress, or female clothes for that matter. Your hair may be long, BUT YOU ARE MAN. :D Plus you don't have the figure Allen does, HE can pass as a girl.

Oh, yeah, Mugen, awesome name. Yullen, sorry I like it depending on it, I apologize Kanda-dono. (HA! I know what that means.)

Anyways, I guess I would REQUEST a uhm... you takin over the world and enslaving all those who annoy you? Except me, I'm actually being nice.

P.S. I love your personality, you help brighten the atmosphere in your own way~

P.P.S. Never had Soba, but I will try it... someday.

-… _TRAITOR. I hope you get rampaged on by all the fan-_

Of course I wouldn't. I am _male. _I am glad you can see that, unlike a lot of the fan girls/people who want to piss me off for their enjoyment. Moyashi DOES have a womanly figure. Seriously, give him boobs, and he can be 'Ellen'.

Mugen is the best name. You know what what means? Huh?!

You see, that is a very good request. But, seeing as everyone would die at the end and I would be the only living mortal left, it wouldn't be good to read. Plus, I would have to up the rating. And of course, I would enslave you (no, not like that, pervert!!).

I like to think I make it worse.

Try it. Then eat it for every single meal.

* * *

3. Deeper than Darkness

You know Kanda-san... I just realize this though... since when does it have... an internet war here... Well, don't need to think about that though, I just wanted to say that... I think Allen white haired is kinda unique and made him look like a porcelain doll and adding his scar... we have a nice porcelain doll... (I think he look like one though)

And for the fans, I don't know who have the most, or what, but I know one thing. Almost all of the fan girl choose neither you, Allen and Lavi... I think its equal though, since you three are like the main characters here. And with you win the popularity poll or whatever its name, I think it doesn't mean that Allen is... lose or something like that, since you're still one of the main characters and have a big potential to kill the big fat farty by the name of Millennium Earl... My friend even called him baka tamago XD...

And by the way, I think if you and him fight... it will be equal though, since I don't really know. But I think in the end it will be equal since, you have the most speed and attack while Allen have speed and defense... I don't think his attack is affective enough since his sword is kinda hard to use while Mugen is easier. And I do think that you have a really bad... anger management issues... (please don't kill me, I just telling you my opinion...) But I think it still okay though, since I know a lot of people that have an anger management issues...

Well, I guess just until this then.. I hope you didn't angry with this...

Ciao

-His hair _may _be unique, but that doesn't stop it from being _crap. _Oh, imagery? You think he looks like that? Then what do _I _look like, then?!

… I like to think I am _not _on par with those losers. Especially Lavi, who annoys the heck out of me. And It does mean that Allen's the looser, because he fails at life. And also, apparently death, seeing as he seems to never die, no matter what. Hah! Baka tamago!! Seriously, I hate that guys _guts. _

I just wanna slice him up-

Would it be equal? WOULD IT? We should try it out some time. It is true, that I have speed and attack, so I think his tactic would be to wear me down and then spring on me, but if I keep him on his toes whilst defensive, he would get tired too (I have been planning this for a while and have many 'bring down the Moyashi' techniques).

I DON'T HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!!!! Che, its nothing!! Its because I can't make actions online, so I have to express myself through violent words!! Don't make me hack off your _face _until you stop talking!!

Opinion, eh?!

No, I am not angry… huff…

* * *

4. theswisswereright:

Dearest Kanda-dono,

I, like the Swiss of my name, am taking no sides in this writing war. I believe you and Walker-sama are both very talented exorcists and writers.  
Therefore, I have one question for you that I have also asked Walker-sama.  
This is an online battle. How will you decide who wins? You cannot kill each other...

Thanks in advance for your response.  
-theswisswereright

PS. Although I am neutral, I do slightly prefer Kanda-dono...

-Boo. Boring. Take a side. Yes, but secretly in your head you _know _I am better. He doesn't even write!!

We will decide who wins when I catch him in real life and pound his face into the floor. Or, when he gives up? When everyone says I write better? When he suddenly dies in a car accident?

_It could be anything. _

_You see! _I wrote that bit about you thinking I was better before I even finished reading the review!! I win.

Swiss?

* * *

5. Silvelt Andrea:

Dear Kanda-san,  
I, Silvelt Andrea, shall be completely siding with you in this internet writing-war! You have my full support against Moyashi-chan and his supporters! XD

Since you already have so much response to Yaoi/shonen-ai topic, I don't think I should write mine 'cause most of my reasons are the same with the ones you've got (please don't maim me).

And about Yullen stuff... I think that's the most reasonable Yaoi pairing, 'cause Lavi's personality wouldn't go well with yours, and I'm sure you and Tyki would go after each other's throat the second both of you have a meeting. But I completely disagree with everyone who said you should be the Uke (I think there's something wrong with their eyes, can't they see you're the MAN?). And in my opinion, you aren't the feminine. I can't understand why people say you're pretty, you are perhaps the coolest (and the most handsome) character I've ever seen in my life. You're my favorite character, I admire your swordplay (in fact I'm thinking of taking Kendo class after I'm done with Tae Kwon Do, would you like to have a spar sometime? Oh and I'm not obsessed, please note that my fan-girlsm towards you is based on respect on your strength and your violent personality).

By the way, I have a question, a question which had haunted my consciousness ever since I read chapter 102. Here it is: Allen is a Moyashi to you because you are taller than Allen. Since Lavi is taller than you, does it mean you are a Moyashi to Lavi? And to Marie since he's too taller than you? Please note that this question is based on curiousness, and I didn't mean to offend you in any way...

Until next time, and with love,  
Silvie

P.S If you like your report free of grammatical errors, I suggest you to stop using Word Pad to write your report. Use Microsoft Words instead, and activate 'Grammar Check' option. After you're done writing your text, press F7 so MS would check for any errors and mistype. I am an Indonesian (meaning English isn't my native language) and I myself am not a grammar freak so excuse me for grammatical errors.

-You better.

Kill them. Kill them all.

Lavi is just annoying, and _I hate that man. _He deserves to be crushed by a thousand rocks and then be set on fire!! And yes, I agree with you agreeing to the fact I CANNOT be the Uke. Never. In. This. Lifetime.

Oh compliments? Yes, 'pretty' is the wrong word entirely. _Handsome _is better (no, I am not being big head, but seriously, it IS better). Yes, do kendo. And when you complete it, use a _proper sword. _you can fight me, but I wont go easy on you. Strength? You are flatter me (like so many other people do, and fail). AND WHAT VIOLENT PERSONALITY?!? Just _wait _until I get hold of you, I'll destroy you with Mugen!!

No, because me and Lavi are not _that _far apart, and we are around average height for our age. Marie is just a giant. I call him Moyashi because he is _below _the average height for his age. _Below. _

I upgraded to 'Microsoft Works Word Processor'. How do you use the grammar checker on there?

* * *

Another chapter, done. Phew. I am going to add one last thing, though.

Don't go on Moyashi's profile and be _horrible to him. _Although it's a _nice thought, _think about it logically:

_If he is already miserable, how am I going to make him even more miserable?!_

So, stop 'flaming' him. Its _my _job. Stop depriving me of entertainment. Plus, you could possibly be kicked off the site. _And we wouldn't want that now, would we? _(I don't really care.)

And of course, yet again, I don't really care what you say to me. Like the opinion of a _stranger _about me as a person matters?

---Now, I need to know what you thought about the writing above (as in, all the fics). Did you like it? Did you hate it? Blah blah, whatever.

AND STOP CHALLENGING ME TO WRITE YAOI. I don't think I would be able to even if I tried.

Any how, enough moaning/ranting. Someone appears to be wanting me the medical ward…

_Beat that, Moyashi. _

-Kanda.

PS: If you skipped the middle bit of this fic, go back and _read the new law. _

PPS: In case you have not noticed (which I am sure you have not) I am out reviewing on fics now. I am not a 'flamer', but a constructive criticism…er. If you see me on your fic, don't be alarmed. I won't be mean…

(Are you that gullible!? Of course I will!! If I don't think it is good, I will say so!! Just not to the extent of what I say on here, _got it? _I'll make sure to _not break any hearts_. And of course, I don't review _Yaoi._ If you have any stories you want me to look at, tell me. If I am in a good mood, I will try not to _'be a jerk'.)_

(AND I WILL GET YOU WITH MY SO CALLED 'ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES'.)

PPPS: Seriously, what anger management issues?! Just because I am not like 'OMG I be da best in da world an I can rite fan ficton an I am gud LOLWTF I kil u' doesn't mean I have ANGER issues!!! Seriously, _do you want me to be nice_ _and tell you are pretty you are, and smile handsomely in your direction, and then eventually get married with you and in some strange turn of events I will get pregnant with YOUR child?_

Well, unfortunately, I won't.

Because you are _not _a Mary-sue.

Yes, I do have a thing against them.

Last thing... I thought I would leave this till last... for those who have read the last chapter of the manga...

**Don't pity me.**

* * *


	8. FUCK

* * *

AHAHAHAAH-

Its gone. You will see why (and you will also see a rant, too.)

* * *


	9. Haha, more fool you

(… I had this chapter ready like what, four days ago?! That just shows how busy I am.)

I hope you guys read my last chapter.

Now, to rant about what that was about.

Results. Yeah, I got results from that last chapter. I was pretty much in cahoots with Moyashi about it (shocking, I know, but personal messaging each other through here is the best way to annoy him- also, he said we were eloping!! Damn him!! I mean seriously, when he PM's me annoying things, I have to go to his profile, click on his PM, then I have to sign in, **I get the image thing wrong because it is impossible to read**, then when I sign in, I have to write the message, and then send it!! So fricken time consuming!!). I was shocked to find the responses I had.

_People were enjoying it._

Now, this isn't a joke. Sure, people that are 18 or over can _enjoy _that sort of thing; whether they would want to is a matter of self choice. However, apart from the fact that very little opposed it, a lot of the people who were _for _it were _underage. _Yes, _very underage. _Some of you were completely stunned by the fact that it could be true (what?!) instead of the fact that you were reading something that _isn't right. _

Let me say it simply. By 'isn't right', I am not referring to people being _gay. _I am someone who is _not gay. _Write about me being gay or whatever, having sex with Moyashi, or Lavi, or whoever the hell, but still, I am not gay. Saying that, I don't really have an issue with gay people (though it may seem like I do, I actually don't really care about other peoples sexuality, surprisingly). Now, its all 'well and dandy' writing fic's where we _kiss _and _make out _and stuff, but as much as I hate it, I am outnumbered on this site by yaoi fans, right?

However, this isn't a rant about gay people, me and my relationship (or lack of) with them, or how old you are. This is about something _different. _

_Think about what I wrote. From what I wrote, did it sound like Moyashi was enjoying what I was doing? Now, was I enjoying what I was doing? And what about Lavi? _

See, the thing I am talking about is, of course, rape. Oh yeah, right, its _ok _to write about characters _raping _each other online, of _course_. But… is it really that enjoyable to read, too? It baffles me that anyone would _want _to read about people forcefully having sex with other people, especially because some of you people are way to young to be reading any of this.

So, to be writing fic's where me and Moyashi _rape _each other? Is that really acceptable?

Would you like to get raped? Would you like to read other people getting raped, if they were not online?

No?

Well then, there you go.

In case you are wondering, 'OMG y is he not bein funni and stuffz an y he moan at us? Wat is wron wit him 2day? Lol it stupi d cuz I dunt realy care about wat he sayz.'

I am just a _person. _True, I have little emotion or feeling for many of you or anyone else, but you see, I am still a _someone, _and I have things I need to sort out.

I guess you can say I am going through a pretty _rough time _at the moment. All those half-Akuma have put the HQ on edge. I have some people to talk to, and unfortunately, some stuff to drag up from the past. I have got Lenalee following me for information and Moyashi _trying _(and failing) to suss it all out. I also have half of the Asian branch on my case.

I know you guys are _itching _to get your hands on my past, but you are going to have to wait a while. In case you didn't know, there is a holiday in Japan called 'Golden week', and it held up Hoshino-sensei. Then, that god-damn wrist injury came back, and so she was advised not to draw because of that. Then, finally, she is in trouble for 'plagiarizing' someone else's manga.

Che…

Its annoying enough seeing that people think I am a _ROBOT _(gee, what the hell do you think?!), and also I heard somewhere that someone thought I was created by petals from a flower (…ok, what the hell).But now, I have all this shit at HQ, and it stresses me out so much that I want to go an rant to people about any old nonsense!!

I need to get out of this ugly place, but unfortunately, I am under orders to stay put. How annoying.

Doesn't the suspense _kill you? _

Because, it appears to be killing _me. _Unfortunately, I am going _to disappear for a week. _Hah, I doubt you'll miss me, but there are more important things at play here.

Gomen.

Moyashi, I need you for something. Hurry up and get your useless, unimportant self to the common room.

-Kanda. 

PS: For your _enjoyment, _so this chapter isn't a TOTAL waste of your _precious, yaoi reading time, _here is a mary-sue fic involving me. Yay.

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a girl; but she was not just any girl, but a girl born in a poor village in Japan (which was not destroyed or anything). Also, she was coincidently an orphan. When she was three, her parents died in a fire or something like that. And she had no other family, too.

She had stunning good looks: she was born with green eyes that fade to blue and then to gold, and she had bright blonde hair and amazingly big breasts, even if she was like, three or something. Also, she had cat ears and a cat tail, and an _amazing figure._

Her name was Sakura Hakuyoshimura.

But, she was even more _special _than that.

For she was the innocence Heart. Yes, she was just _that _powerful. Her innocence, called 'Super nya nya GO', gave her the power to become a cat and scratch Akuma to death!! She defeated her first Akuma at the age of five like some sort of prodigy, and then homed her powers in the 'mystical mountains' of Japan to get strong.

Ten years later, after a giant plot hole which sees her somehow surviving on her own, she suddenly discovered the black order, and went straight to HQ (despite being in Asia), and met Allen walker randomly who obviously had nothing to do but wait for some random girl to appear.

_ZOMG, who is this extremely hot girl? _Moy- I mean, _Allen _thought. _I must kiss her, she is that hot!!_

"Hello, my name is Sakura Hakuyoshimura!" She giggled, and the boys heart fluttered for the girl he had only known for a few minutes. His breath had halted; she was just that pretty!

"I am looking for Kanda, whose name I suddenly know."

"Why?" Allenasked.

"Because," she breathed in, "He is my half brother. He just never knew because no-one told him."

"_Gasp_!!" Allen gasped. "Lets find him!!"

And so, Sakura and Allen walked around the HQ, where she meets Lenalee.

"Welcome to HQ, bitch!" Lenalee spat. Of course, she was totally jealous of this girl because she had such good looks and she had nothing. And she also hated the fact the girl was randomly holding hands with Allen.

"Whatever, you fucking slut, like I have time to deal with you!!" And with that Sakura fly-kicked Lenalee in the head, and Lenalee could do nothing about it because she was not as powerful as Sakura, and so she fell through a wall and Allen didn't care. Lenalee lay in a pile of brick, head bleeding, but yet again, they just walked past her.

"God, I hate her!" Sakura hissed.

"Yes, so do I!" Allen agreed, taking her hand again. "Now, lets go find my best friend, Kanda!"

They walked around a little more and then somehow found Kanda's room in the sea of identical rooms, and then knocked on the door. It was unlocked like it is in so many fanfictions these days, and so the two walked in.

Kanda was sitting on the floor, crying like some pathetic wimp whilst he cradled the glass that had his lotus flower in it. Also, his hair wasn't tied up. And he was only wearing his trousers.

"Kanda!" Sakura shouted. Kanda looked up, and then sighed. It was the perfect picture of beauty at his door! How cute! How lovely! He knew he loved her… but what was she doing holding Allen's hand?!

"OMG don't hold her hand!!" Kanda stood up and tossed the flower somewhere like it wasn't connected to his life or anything. "I love her!!"

"I also love her!!" Allen pushed her behind him. "Don't worry; I'll protect you!!"

And then, the two had an epic battle in which they hit each other and used there innocence's and Sakura did nothing about it except stand there and say 'Kawaii desu!!" to everything.

Finally, the two broke apart, and Kanda was randomly stabbed in the heart.

"NOOOO I have something to tell you!" Sakura ran to his side and held him close.

"Anything… my love…" He coughed up blood. "I love you… I would die a thousand times for you, I would cross the ocean for you, I would have your children-"

"Kanda, I am your half sister yet I still love you, and I am not afraid of incest!!"

"ROFL I had a half sister?!"

And then Kanda started crying and she kissed away his tears and then he died and no-one bothered to bury him like the idiots they are. She then turned to Allen.

"Bu-but I also love you!!" Allen cried.

"YOU MURDERER!!! But, you are so hot, I still love you!!"

And then those two got married and Allen became pregnant with twins. He later gave birth to them and Sakura named them Allen jr and Sakura jr.

The end.

* * *

See how _cool _that is? MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL WRITE LIKE DIS OMG WE CUD B SO COOL.

Please, someone tell me, why is it that in most of the fic's I die in, I and up getting stabbed in the heart?! That's not cool!!

Also keep requesting fanfiction. I am writing some of those requests now. Much fun to be had here.

Anyhow, see you all in a weeks time. I'll try not to get stressed/die in that time (…).

(And stop the rape-writing. It's horrible.)


	10. I don't care

* * *

Blah blah blah, happy birthday, yeah, I _got it. _The day of a mans birth isn't as nearly as spectacular as the day he accomplishes something great. Remember that, fan girls. God, I am dreading the 'Happy-birthday!' PM's I KNOW I am going to get. Che… I don't care what day it is, a day is a day.

Anyway, back to the important things_. __**I AM PISSED.**_

What the hell!! The Order are trying out 'Lapbooks' or whatever the hell they are called on us, and I hate it already! We can't even use the computers because they are being 'upgraded'!! I thought they were going to be fast and do the job, like they are supposed to, but I have this thing for little more than a _month_, and its already broken!!

Every time I turn it on, the screen flickers for a random amount of time, and then it turns off altogether. Sometimes it happens instantly, sometimes it doesn't. Why the hell is it doing this?! I can't write if the screen turns off, doesn't it understand that!?!

The screen is too small!! The writing is, too!! There is no mouse, just this thing that you poke and the arrow-thing moves!! I hate it!! I hate it!!

I am stuck with a _fucking _'Nettop' that doesn't _fucking _working and I _don't know what to fucking do about it!!_

On that note, I am back, after a shitty few weeks in which I dodged people (more that usual) and got stressed out over the seemingly endless work I have to do around this dump, and dealt with that stupid piece of machinery I can never remember the name of. _No, , _I am NOT here to keep finders in order, _duh. _I'll beat their useless asses up for you, if you want, though.

Reviews, writing, you know, the usual. I've answered them all, due to the fact I found some of them quite amusing to read for once (I READ THEM BEOFRE THE SCREEN TURNED OFF, WHICH IT JUST DID), even that god damn not-a-flamer, not-a-comment person who decided to show up.

_Joy._

Stories first.

Oh, and by the way, when you get to the 'reviews' part, make sure to read the review in **bold. **Its good.

* * *

xXDeath-N'-HellXx:

...Um... wow. You just like, dissed yourself. Really badly. Hehe. But Mary-Sue's really SHOULD go **ck themselves to hell. I used to make Mary-Sues, I admit it! But then I deleted those stories, along with a short story about each of their brutal deaths, so I should say that makes up for it. (Evil grin)

Waait. So you're SERIOUSLY saying that you'll write anything excluding your limitations you made? Awesome! It's actually sorta funny (in my sense of strange humor) how good your writing is, judging from the request story you wrote about the cursed girl. I dunno, with your whole "don't-**ck(Not it THAT way)-with-me-or-I'll-**cking-gut-you-alive" attitude, and how you're really serious about your exorcizing job, I wouldn't have imagined you to have been too amazing at writing. NO offense or anything~ (Read that with a SLIGHTLY sarcastic tone) And no, I will NOT hide, because you don't know anything about me, and you don't know where I live. So I should say I'm pretty safe.

ANYWAY. To the point. (Yes, you have to go through hell a little longer while reading this) My request for a short fic is gonna be something around these lines:

Characters in it: You (baKanda) and my OC, Mimi. (Yeah, I know there was that blue-haired akuma whose name was Mimi (I think) but I didn't notice that when I named my OC)  
Description of Mimi: She's 17, but looks like she's 11, and frankly, she's considered adorable. That is of course, until everybody see's her true blood-thirsty nature. She HATES you, (baKanda) and treats everyone like slaves (not like THAT!) except Lenalee, who she treats like she's her older sister, (Even though Lenalee is younger than Mimi...) Mimi gets angry REALLy easily... etc... She's tiny. About 4,10, has long light-ish brown, wavy hair in pigtails, big, dark brown eyes, and ALWAYS looks angry. She freaks when anybody comments about her height, or her age. She totally flat, (If you get my drift... like... chest-wise, which is why everybody thinks she 11) and Dun dun DUN~! She's an exorcist. Oh no. Her innocence is a set of bronze knuckles which when activated, become huge black "Hands" that look somewhat mechanical and yet aren't, that are each about the size of her head. A bit bigger. They're called, "Molten Rage" due to the fact that they turn a bronz-ish yellow/orange color because they heat up, although Mimi herself doesn't get damaged by the heat, and her innocence can melt rock, and boil a lake within 10 seconds.  
Plot of story: You (baKanda (Sorry, I now that insult is about the lamest one there is, but it's so fun to say!) and Mimi fighting. Not to the death though. Have something interrupt their fight before one of you guys gets killed.

(looks up) Uh... hehehehehehe...hehe...he... Yeah. About going through hell a LITTLE longer up there, I LIED. Tootles~!

-OH GOD YOU AGAIN?!?! I have had _enough _of you. Be grateful I am actually writing anything for you, annoying little…

_Marysues need to be destroyed._

Shut up, girl. Seeing as I kind of have first hand experience, it was easy to write something like that (about the cursed girl). Che, I am amazing, deal with it. (Heh.)

Yeah yeah yeah, I'll write your stupid _MARYSUE _story. Except I'll make it not-a-marysue.

* * *

Please don't touch.

For xXDeath-N'-HellXx:

"Molten rage; activate!!"

"Second illusion; two illusion blades!!"

The worst thing in the world, he thought, was when you get molested by some freak who wants to get into bed with you and has their hands all over you. These hands wanted him. Oh, they wanted him. Except, it was for all the wrong reasons. Mugen was glowing, and that definitely meant something was wrong. People were watching, too; but all of them were finders and so were unable to stop it.

"Don't pick fights with me, _kid._" The man sneered at her, taking his stance again. She was making a face that suggested she was going to rush him. "_Little girls _like you-"

He dodged as soon as he felt that intense heat that always seemed to surround her, putting up his guard. She had indeed rushed him full on, and even if she was fast, her lithe form didn't match up to his. However her size has a huge advantage, him not being able to swing Mugan properly due to her being able to see it happen before he even got fully round.

"_DON'T CALL ME THAT!!" _Mimi was screaming. She kicked off into a forward cartwheel and narrowly missed his head. Momentarily, his breath was snatched away by the heat and he lost his balance, only to regain it when he ducked another punch.

Normally, his policy was 'Don't hit girls'; except for when she is the enemy. She was indeed the enemy. A spoilt little brat who thought she was the queen of the world needed a good beating., and he would be the one to deliver it. If he could only get close enough to strike without burning…

He rolled to the side under one of her hands, and kicked outwards at her gut with his feet. He landed somewhere on her chest and knocked her off balance quite easily, immediately springing to his feet afterwards. She landed with an _oooff _on the floor, pride in tatters and face as stony as hell.

"You won't hit me!!" She shouted at him. "You bastard! Hit me, hit me!! I don't want to play games with you!!"

"You _want _me to hit you?!"

"Yes-"

"First Katana; eight flowers praying mantis!!"

There was a rush of wind and she could do nothing but put her hands out to protect herself from the onslaught. Mugen and its illusion danced so quickly across the surface the heat barely affect it; but when he jumped back, the blade itself was scorching hot, glowing an almost dazzling white. She was left with a pattern akin to a snow-flake (she thought) on her hands, that were slowly turning dull orange. It hurt, but she was determined not to show it.

"Still want to go on?" He smirked slightly.

"You bet!" She huffed. "I 'aint going to loose to you, _BaKanda!_"

Oh, he hated that name. He was going to crush her. _Crush her. _

He leapt back. She leapt forward. He sidestepped an attack, she ducked under one. They waltzed, but he wanted to just hurry up and stop her. Children these days were so damn persistent. He pivoted to the side fast enough; but evidently, not fast enough. There was a surge of hot air which howled past him and he was forced to shield his face, eyes watering. He could see a thin line of smoke spiralling into the sky. Huh? What was on fire?

In front of him, Mimi's eyes went wide. And then, she started to giggle, and finally, she began to laugh, rolling around on the floor in hysterics. Kanda, dropping Mugen, put his hand on his head, and winced.

_She burnt his hair._

Sure, it was only a tiny patch that could barely be seen, but it was the fact that she had still burnt it. He gritted his teeth, and challenged any of the finders to laugh silently with his swords. None of them did.

"Oh…" He looked back at her. She was still laughing at his pain. "Its going to end now."

She barely had time to get to her feet before he brought his swords upon her, ignoring the heat that was making him blink rapidly and instead focusing on destroying her. He sliced through whatever material Molten Rage was made of daintily, springing forward, slashing, and _disappearing. _She began to notice that horrible build up of pain that was surfacing at her hands, and kept blocking.

"Stop it!" She hissed at him, nearly loosing her balance. He ignored her and used the blunt side of Mugen to bruise the back of her legs and make her stagger forward, and then appeared in front of her pushing her back like some sort of game. There were bits of red hot material flying everywhere, the raw heat underneath her thick outer skin being hacked away painfully by a sword that wasn't even there-

"That sword!" She spat. "Its an illusion; I can't burn it, can I?" How could she beat a sword that wasn't even there? True, the real Mugen was in his hand, but he was only using the white one.

"I'll end you." He said calmly, but his eyes were dancing as if they had their own life.

"I'll keep fighting!" She swung her arms back up, which were 'bleeding' some sort of orange liquid that left holes in the floor. "I won't give up!"

"And neither will I!"

"Yes you will!"

Both of them looked over to the side, where the all to familiar form of Komui was standing, a lopsided frown on his face.

"Your weapons are both damaged." He growled at them. They both looked down. Mugen was chipped and melted in some places, and Mimi's hands were dripping and hacked up.

"You'll both go to the ward…"

"Or?" They said simultaneously. The man opened his mouth and began to take something out from behind his back, but they both turned and ran in the same direction, turning corners sharply in a bid to get away from the man and his weapons. It was quiet for a little while whilst they ran, both exhausted and pretty much beaten up.

"I won." Mimi suddenly grinned to the man sprinting ahead of her. He looked back slightly.

"You wish."

"Rematch?"

"Of course."

"Molten rage; activate!!"

And it flared into life.

"Mugen, activate!!"

And his done just the same.

(Why was your OC so hard to write about compared to everyone else's?! I hope you didn't expect her to win; of course I was going to win.)

* * *

Psychomantium

Ohh this is awesome... Me (worlds greatest Kanda-fan) is totally on your side, dear Kanda-dono. I HATE Allen (I imagined myself killing him once) and I also HATE Lavi. He sucks, he's NOT hot, and he's not funny at all! I hate Lenalee too, because she's a pathetic crybaby, and also, everytime she's there, that damn Moyashi appears too.  
Actually, the only people I really like are you (of course), Tyki ('cause he's hot and evil and sadistic and he almost killed Allen) and Debitto/Devit ('cause he's retarded and funny and hot)  
I'm so sad I'm too late to answer your previous questions! Especially about you being girly. I knew you're male from the beginning!! Also, I love your hair so much, I've got the same hairstyle. (And it's black, of course!!)  
Uh... You writing anything?? Well, I haveto admit I'm currently writing a story about you in German (with a friend, but I'm kicking her out 'cause she's writing about Lavi) and I brought an OC in it... So it's KandaxOC *grins* But no worries, she' hot, black haired and Japanese.  
However, I'd like you to write a story about you saving someone from a Noah, and I want you mutilating the ennemy. And I want a detailed description of this.

Sincere regards  
-Psychomantium (yes, I have a life)

-You better be. YES, LAVI HATRED SHOULD BE SPREAD. Yes, yes, I agree with everything!! They should all just go die!! Haha, how I _do love _flattery from people. You have the same hairstyle as me? You are not a… _cosplayer, _are you?

German? Die hund ist funfzehn zahre alt? Ah, whatever, I give up. Here's your darn fic.

* * *

Where is she?:

For Psychomantium (can you get a shorter name, please?!)

I love it.

I love it I love it I love it when I get to use Mugen for things.

Today was one of those days, when you find out that your 'not-a-friend' had been captured.

By _him, _that stalker, that tracker.

And so I got him.

I got him good.

What really amazes me about this bastard is his eyes. There is _nothing _there, not even a single spark of life, not a single emotion except _hate. _And in my eyes? I don't quite know what to feel. He has her, and I have him. Where is she? Don't ask; I am going to find out.

Pinning him was the _worst. _These heavy chains around his wrists, neck and ankles are not my doing, I assure you; the Black Order has some nasty stuff hidden away. Where is his _family? _They've abandoned him. He won't speak, not at all, about them, about her. I'll make him speak; I'll _make _him.

Back to his eyes. I rest the flat of my blade against his cheek and point it upwards towards them. I can't tell if he is looking at me, Mugen, the ceiling; he doesn't have any pupils.

"Tell me if you want to live."

"…….."

"Talk. Right now."

"……."

"I don't ever bluff, you know."

"……"

I tip Mugen upwards, underneath his eye, and insert it downwards, under his eyeball. He visibly cringes, and squirms in mild pain, but its nothing until I push it deeper and pull it up-and-out. There's some screaming as his bloody eyeball pops out of his skull, and I fully hack it out where it flies off into the darkness and blood begins to run down his face. More restrained screaming; not screaming actually, but a kind of gurgling sound.

But he still wont talk. So, I pin him through his ear with my sword.

"Talk."

"……."

"Fine."

Torture can be tough sometimes, when your target can heal fairly fast. So, this time, it needs to be a little more painful. Something that can't heal. I turn over his hand, and out the very tip of Mugen in between his fingers, just past his knuckles. I dig in deep, right underneath the bone, and yet again, flick it upwards. The finger pops neatly out of its joint, and I do this for every finger. There are tears of anger on his bloody face, for he cannot feel anything else. Every finger is now positioned awkwardly on his hand, and moving it even a little is painful.

And so, with my steel-capped boots, I step down onto his hand; _hard. _He growls in agony.

"Tell me."

"…..!!…."

"Still not talking?"

He opens his mouth but says nothing. So be it. I have had enough of his bastard. I will kill you, I tell him, I will kill you _right now _if you don't tell me where she is. He doesn't say a word. So, even if I cannot kill him really, I can try.

I carve up his neck like a turkey. First, I hack out some of his major veins, and then I begin to work on things that I don't quite know what they are. There is bone, and I work my way up to his face. I thrust Mugen through his cheeks, tearing them up, and I smash all his teeth in with its hilt until his mouth is a mess and he is semi chocking on teeth and semi choking on blood. There is meat everywhere, gory and gruesome.

I hack out his tongue and is disappears somewhere; not sure where. I slice through his ears, one after the other, and I am not sure if he is 'dead' but I then work on smashing his nose into little pieces. I even create a giant cross on his face; scalp to chin, not-an-ear to not-an-ear, for fun, for what he stands for. I am quite sure he is still alive. Damn Noah bastards.

"Tell me where is _is._"

He says nothing, because he cant talk anymore.

And I smile.

By the end of that night, I have removed all minor body parts in some sort of horrible autopsy. The body is now missing his toes; I managed to get them off quite quickly. I gouged out some flesh in his leg with my sword, and then moved up to his stomach where I sliced him open and got to his intestines, which I skewered repeatedly. I dug down deep, right to his spine, and separated meat from bone easily. He was 'dead' now, but when they got really badly hurt, they always 'died'. And then half an hour later, they wouldn't be dead anymore. That was how they worked.

I remove some other things, too. I don't know what they are, but I take them out, never with my hands, but with my sword, slicing them up, spearing through them, ripping them to pieces whilst they are still attached to him. I break his arm, not once, but twice, using all my blunt force from the flatter side of Mugen (damn beast has big bones). I can hear the cracking, _feel _the air split with the power, too. Then his legs break. And his eye opens.

And he smiles.

He wont die.

And I wont stop.

And Lenalee, who was supposedly missing, came round the corner

With some coffee in her hand, as she thought

I was down here to be alone or something.

She was missing? Or maybe,

I wasn't looking for her.

Either way,

I got my sword messy for _nothing._

(Seriously, it takes more than this to kill a Noah. I should know.)

* * *

Timcanpy

the only thing i found wrong is having a fanfic original character loving an original character from an original series, then... getting married... and then children... (trying to control anger)  
that is... as stupid as yaoi!!  
Yuu-chan doesn't deserve to die because of love! (angry, angry, angry)  
anyway, request story?: if you beat A-chan in this "writing war", what would you do?

-Tell me about it, you stupid little golden ball. I hate romance enough as it is already; and people just make it worse by writing stuff like this.

Nothing is as STUPID as yaoi. (Grr… I hate it so much!!!!)

* * *

What I would do if I won the war; which I will.

For Timcampy.

"Hey, Kanda, what is that?"

"Its a trophy that says 'I won the war'."

"What 'war'?"

"The one you should know fuck all about. Leave me alone now."

"If it was really a war, then I would have heard of it. Its my job to record wars, Yuu-chan."

"There is a war, I tell you."

"….. If there is, I don't think you will beat _Allen-chan_-"

"I am going to gut you alive because you challenged my authority and you thought I couldn't win this war. I will then hang your entrails on top of the Orders flag pole so that everyone can see you died a horrible death at my hands. I will then dump the rest of your body in Komui's office to get back at him. Then he will faint and I will kill him and using my magic skills I will make it look like he had a heart attack or something similar. Then Lenalee will drop the coffee she was bringing to Komui and scream really loudly. I will sneak up behind her and cover her mouth, drag her into the shadows and tie her up. When Allen comes running into the room, I will slit his ankles so he falls over and then quickly tie him up too. I will then torture Allen in front of Lenalee, ignoring her cries to stop, and then he will die when he looses too much blood from me cutting him. The guards would have been alerted by it all; and even though I gagged Lenalee, she made so much noise people would have come to the scene. They would tell me to drop my weapons but I would just slaughter them without mercy. I would then run away from the Order and live my life as a peasant on the outskirts of town, stealing things and stuff, until someone recognises me and the Order send out all of their best exorcists to catch me. There will be a huge fight in which neither side wins because they all die and I am supposedly dead but I actually have just ran away. The end."

"…………"

"Lets begin?"

The real end.

(YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.)

* * *

1. byrdiesinging:

...  
wow...lame  
and that is all  
the byrdie has spoken  
peace

- …

Wow… you are lame…

Because you just wasted a period of time writing something

so meaningless it might as well not be there.

'The Kanda' has spoken

Go to hell.

* * *

2.Keyte:

I'm gonna work backwards this time, because if I don't, I'll end up ranting for a very long time and nobody will end up happy. C:

I have to admit, I like your Mary Sue story. It made me laugh, especially after your serious first part which I will elaborate about later. And aside from that, it was so ridiculously -true- to Mary Sue fics that, well... xDD You know, those things are so great to write when you've got writers block. I've never read a fic where you get stabbed in the heart. :/ Well, I usually don't read death!fics because they depress me, so that's probably why. I'd get upset if you died.

Classic line: "ROFL I had a half sister?!" Jesus. You made me -laugh.- God. Love the chat speak, even if I hate it when people type like that. It was a great use. xDD  
**  
Yes. Now on to the more serious part of my review: the rape bit.**  
This review is reaching monstrous proportions. xDD I'm sorry if I'm ranting right back at you, and I know I'm definitely - or at least I -was- definitely - under the category of 'someone who has written/read a rape fic.' But now, it's really, -really- starting to make me angry. And I guess you could say I'm going through a pretty -rough- time too. And the lack of italics in this review thing is really ** me off too..

Of course people are going to enjoy it. People are sick. Even if it was just a joke, even if it wasn't meant to be taken seriously, and even if the people reading it were underage. I mean, I'll still be underage for a good five more months, and I read it. I didn't particularly enjoy it, since Allen is like the little brother in the series and he's not supposed to be paired up with anyone [and anything with Allen+Kanda=sex in any particular order makes me gag]. The only thing I will say is that your writing style was, well, good, and I take back one or two of the mistakes I corrected in that last review. I was seeing things. C:

And now, it's time for me to get seriously angry at some of your comments.

What kind of rhetorical question is 'would you like to get raped?' I'm seriously considering typing in ALL CAPS because this is making me angry. Of course they don't. You're leaving out a few KEY factors in this here - that rape is humiliating and debasing and NOT enjoyable. Rape is not fun, it is not moral, and it is NOT something people should write about. Yet they do anyway, and it makes you wonder - why is that? I can speak from experience that if people ACTUALLY knew what rape was like that there would be absolutely ZERO on this site. If anyone who wrote non-con -knew- what it felt like to have someone -forcefully- take you, disregard your "no"s, "stop"s, and "don't"s, and, as anyone who's WRITTEN it would know, -force- you to enjoy it... God, this makes me angry. D: People don't -understand- how -humiliating- it is to be forced to enjoy something you don't want or have it forced on you when you aren't ready or willing. I mean, I can understand why someone would think it was hot from an objective point of view, but now that I have a bit more, shall we say, experience under my belt...

Rape is not attractive, it is not right, it is -not- something underage people should be reading. Well, to that effect, it's not something -anyone- should be reading. It is decidedly -not- hot when someone is pinning you down and forcing you to enjoy something you know is wrong or forcing you to participate in, well, sex you don't want. It's understandable why one would think it's hot, because sometimes it -can- be, and that's when it's -really- humiliating. There's no way to describe the -shame- you feel when it feels good and you don't want it but you can't -stop- it. :|

If there was a 'bitter smile' smiley, I would totally stick it right here. L: I guess I'll just stick with that, since it makes the most sense.

Okay. I don't feel like looking for any grammar mistakes, so yeah. I gotta say - thanks for letting me vent. C: It feels good to say this, even if it's only typing and you're not really... there. :/ Whatevs. It's all the same, I guess. But yeah. Thx. C:

PEACE.

-Hah, your back. _I knew it._

And I see you have bought a long post with you. Hmm…

I hate those mary-sue fics so much. OC's and mary-sues are becoming hard to distinguish between each other! I am glad you liked it. I thought it _was very well written. _(Sarcasm.) I have read fic's like that. I skulk this community out of boredom, and it disgusts me that people think I can actually die as simply as that. SERIOUSLY. I am also sick of fics where I become ill. I. Don't. Get. Ill.

Yaaay, someone cares that I am alive. Wahoo.

We are _very much alike, _Keyte. Are you sure _YOU _are not my half sister? Hah.

Ohoho, _I love you- don't say that writing was good. _Nothing like that can ever be good, no matter how 'good' it is written. But seriously. That rant was good. My one was originally two pages long (seriously) but I cut it a lot so that I wasn't ranting too much. I like it so much, I am going to **BOLD **it so other people can see.

You made a very good point about how people that actually write rape don't know how it really is. Good for you. NOW IF THE FUCKING SCREEN DIDN'T KEEP TURNING OFF IN MID-SENTENCE-!!!!

And what's rough for you? I know how you feel; _I use italics so much in these pieces of writing, its ridiculous. _

But that is an 'L' with a colon next to it isn't bitter. These smiles confuse me. And I am _here. _I am just not _here _when you are _there. _Yes.

Rant all you like, I do it enough and I _am not _going to be a hypocrite.

I am not like that.

By the way, look at number **17. **

* * *

3. theswisswereright:

Ha. Ha. Ha. As you may have guessed, I do not laugh. But I definitely applaud your mastery of irony...

It was so bad, it was entertaining. But why did you die? Hm, almighty one?  
I am joking. Mostly. Really, why? Anyway, I was shocked to see that the (rather nasty) yaoi scene was on purpose...  
Does this mean that you and Walker are... FRIENDS?

I hope not. The rivalry is such fun.  
Keep up the good work as always. Write more.

-Ho ho ho. _Thank you._

Because I always see fics where I am dying or dead. Sometimes I magically come back to life!!! _Woah!!! _(Sarcasm.) It was quite nasty, wasn't it? NASTY isn't the word. How about 'MONSTROUS'?

NO. DON'T EVER SAY THAT. I just needed to clarify that he would be the weaker one and I would be 'breaking' him, as it were.

There will ALWAYS be rivalry. Don't worry.

* * *

4. xLotusxInxBloomx:

I had no idea people actually wrote fanfiction in which you were brutally killed. Personally I simply cannot comprehend why anyone would WANT to kill you off, but that's just one opinion. Anyway, on to the point. I know I've already made a request of you for fanfiction, and now I would like to ask your opinion on a fanfic I am currently writing, starring, well, you! I'm a little concerned about keeping you in character and would very much appreciate your help with this issue.

Thank you very much in advance,

~Lotus.

-Exactly. They should kill off Lavi instead. No-body wants him.

PM me. Don't worry; I don't _bite. I_ just like to be brutally honest_._ And you requested me? Where?

* * *

5. x3HAYden

You will love me! :D

In my fics Allen is blind, has amnesia, almost dies (three times) and is continuously sworn at. By you.

...It's a yullen fic

-Thank god people like you exist. But seriously, almost dies? You could have at leas-

Oh wait_. Yullen._

_Go die._

* * *

6. KHC3S

Wow... That was just so... that left me thinking nothing but... WHAT THE **??!! Ahem, excuse my language, I've been cursing very frequently lately. I think you may have overdid it just a LITTLE with the mary-sue ness. Honestly, I was rolling around on the floor(yes, I'm typing it out because you hate internet language) in tears just a few minutes ago. Very, er... dramatic dialogue there. I hope you win the writing war, rootin' for ya!

-That was my initial idea. Its ok; cursing is good. I DID NOT OVERDO IT. Do you not _see _some of the stuff people write, and claim it to be an 'OC fic'?!?!? No, Sakura will NEVER be with me or anyone else!!

You better. I use it a lot to mock people. I think I will win the war, Moyashi is rather quiet… Hm.

* * *

7. SilentKiller1:

WT...? you confuse me kanda

-You know what? Sometimes _I _confuse me.

* * *

8. ExorcistAllenWalker

"And then those two got married and Allen became pregnant with twins. He later gave birth to them and Sakura named them Allen jr and Sakura jr."

Hey! Why am I the one who gets pregnant?!  
Stupid BaKanda!!

Alright, fine.  
I'm heading to the common room right after this.  
Hurry up and tell me.

-Because you are more _girly _that the girly girl!!

Shut up, stupid Moyashi!!

It would have helped if you wasn't so late in getting to the room!!

* * *

9. .Usagi

=Headpalm.=

Sigh...

I was squealing and jumping all over the place when Allen said you guys eloped, ne...

; __;

Unfaair.

Raising, then crushing our hopes!

-It wont ever, EVER happen. Deal with it. You are one of the people I was referring to in my rant, baka. DON'T LIKE IT, ITS WRONG.

HahaAHAHaHAH. Its because I am _so evil, of course._

* * *

10. ScarredWitch

...

...I say nothing - except that you possibly HAVE been working too hard and I recommend a nice, relaxing vacation where you can get a hold of your sanity, Kanda-dono.

You KEEP on writing the FLIPPIN' internet slang, I thought you hated it!

One last thing; could we request that you write a story more than once?

-A vacation!? The Order will NEVER permit that to happen. Plus, I don't 'relax'. Fighting is relaxing sometimes.

I know. Isn't it t0telly kool LOL I b doin itz agan soz brb.

If you want.

* * *

11. Kiarra-Chan:

*Head Desks* Your other update was better... I despise Mary Sues... They should all be tossed in the firey pits of the 9 level of Hell! Kanda-San PLEASE no more Mary Sues! You'll end up with a aneurysm! T_- & no more "Txt Talk" for you, it will defile your soul.

-We all hate mary-sues. That, or I can cut them brutally in half with Mugen. Take your pick. I think my way is more fun.

What the hell?! Where did 'aneurysm' come from?! That's disgusting. Wat? No moar txt talk lol u r kiddin rite I luv to rit lyk dis its kool an stuf.

_Yea._

* * *

12. E. R. Burke:

I praise your rant! It's about time somebody said something about that.  
But for that completely unbearable Mary-Sue fic, I suddenly feel like breaking somebody's face. Yeah... I see why the whole anti-Mary-Sue thing has gotten so big here.  
Later Kanda! Try not to get randomly stabbed in the heart!

-I like the rant in **bold **better- OH GOD THE SCREEN IS FLICKERING AGAIN.

I feel like breaking some of those mary-sues in half. Mary-sues suck so badly, they need to be eradicated before they spread even further like the disease they are.

I will try not too. (People don't realise that when fighting against others with swords, the chest is the worst place to aim for; it's the easiest to protect due to arm length, and when you block them, they have their arms fully extended so you can take a swipe at their sides whilst they are pulling back if you are fast enough.)

Sorry to force sword knowledge on you.

* * *

13. EATnRunBandit:

Ari-chan: =.= I've been off the internet for a while and this is what happens. At war with Allen, eh? That sounds pretty interesting...although it was to be slightly expected. If you want to win, I'd suggest a real writing competition. A topic will be chosen for the both of you and then you and Allen both have to write a short story till a deadline and upload the stories on the same day. Then all the readers will read both stories and then vote in a poll uploaded on your profile.  
How about that idea? You think it might work?

Personally, I like both of you guys but I guess the winner is the winner. Don't expect me to choose a side until someone actually proves that they are superior to the other.  
By the way, off topic, I have a slight question. What do you think of Marie's comment about you and Allen being alike? It would explain why you and Allen say the same comments at the same time.

And I don't pity you about your past and what not. Everyone has their own background and struggles. Although I admit that my friend was very upset over you for a while. Haha. I didn't expect you to know Bak Chan. Do you know Fou as well?  
Anyways, I've babbled too much. I shall now leave. Ja.

Ari-chan: ...Holy...what was with that story? It's simply horrible. And is that girl's last name even real? Who knew? So is Kanda bombarded by work? You know stress isn't good so try to let loose once in a while. Sometimes I think you're a workaholic.  
Hm...a request, eh? How about when you first meet Tiedoll? I think that would be interesting. Or how about the first time you ate soba at the age of 12?  
And please, no more mary sues. You're eating me out from the inside. I think I'm going to drop dead.

-I put your two reviews together. Hurrah.

Good idea. It would help if he hasn't disappeared. In fact, I have not even seen that baka on site lately… maybe he is on a mission? Who cares.

There are polls on our profiles?!

I AM going to prove I am better. His writing is all over the place and has a lot of talking and no real depth to it. He sucks.

Marie's comment… oh, THAT one. He told me about that. Moyashi's reaction was to be expected. _WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE. _He is happy. I am not. He sucks at fighting. I do not. He cares. I don't. He has white hair. I do not. He can play the piano (barely). I can not. We have nothing in common; interests, anything. You can't count things like 'determination' as something we both has, because surely _everyone _has that?

Don't listen to Marie; I think he secretly stalks me. Seriously. He scared me sometimes. His hearing is something to be admired, however.

Thank you. I don't want pity, or people thinking I am a robot. Your friend shouldn't care so much. Ah, everyone knows Bak-baka. He visit's the central branch _all the TIME. _Its extremely annoying. Fou is loud and she shouts a lot. I hate people like that.

No, I don't think a name like that is physically possible. People make the same mistake; YOUR OC CANNOT COME FROM JAPAN. Jeez, hardly any _people _live there, for gods sake!!

STRESS. I can handle that, I just don't like doing unnecessary tasks. Like baby-sitting finders!!

I can't write that. Not yet. (No, not about Soba, but about Tiedoll.) You are going to find out very soon what happened, so just wait for her to stop copying art. I did not meet him by chance, if you know what I mean. That stupid Asian branch… The Order is about as loyal to God as the Earl. No, I am not going to rant about this now (but I could). Seriously, sometimes you just feel like a tool instead of an actual person. Its annoying, Che!! Bak actually acts like he has some sort of obligation to keep me safe. _As if. _This is becoming a rant now, I'll stop.

Except the fact that something is going on with Moyashi, if you didn't notice. He kind of looked like that curly haired bastard with that level four…

* * *

14. MitarashiiDango

You look like a get over it. Bakanda, Straight-cut fringe (style your goddamn fringe BAKA! jesus it looks like half ur head is missing sometimes when you're in a dark room, totally totally creepy), Yuu-chan, Kandy, adnak...(your name backwards is weird...allen's is cooler. Nella Reklaw...except it sounds like a girl...at least he doesn't look like a girl!)  
Be thankful Lavi is stealing your hair ties! Without him stealing them i don't think you'd ever come out of your room! Anti-social bastard...  
Moyashi will always be better than you no matter what the hell you say. Ne allen-kun? He can totally beat you now! Theres no way you are EVER going to match up to him. Don't diss him.  
Heck i like Yullen (even though you're such a bastard and so mean to Allen == )yea yea scream at me about how that is such a bad pairing...i don't give a damn. I still love it just be thankful that i prefer you as the seme and not allen. (haha sorry Allen)  
Wait how exactly tall is Allen!? I'm 14 and i'm 1m 63! Dammit...same as last year...  
Timcanpy is cool! he's not a stupid ball! At least Allen has a golem unlike YOU.  
Oh god why the hell am i writing to you...i know you're just going to start swearing

-You are an angry person, do you know that? Maybe you should go get some help. If you are trying to provoke a response from me, I am not going to give you the satisfaction of having one. Hah. You loose.

……_.. OK, I AM NOT AN ANTI-SOCIAL BASTARD. _In case you have not noticed, you idiot, I am _barely _in my room. FACT. I _sleep _in it, and that is it. I get up early in the morning, and sleep late at night. I have a fucking BROKEN WINDOW; why the hell would I want to be in there?!?!

Jesus Christ, some fan girl you are.

Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Of _course _he will. I beat him at most things. He even _stabbed himself _foolishly, and yet again, I HAD TO RESCUE HIM. _Gee, he's so smart! I bet he totally has a degree and stuffs!!_

No, I am not going to 'scream at you'. I'd rather waste my breath on people who have the intelligence to understand what I am actually saying what is wrong about it.

Hahah, your not growing, _MOYASHI._

I HAVE A GOLEM. Seriously, do you know _anything_!? Its black; the standard wireless golem that most exorcists get issued!! The downfall about that stupid little ball is that no-one can contact that stupid midget through it!!

Hell, maybe you should watch the program before you talk to me, little girl?

* * *

15. Lochesh:

I have to review this.  
Yuu-chan, are you jealous coz Allen is doing this fic thing too?  
RIGHT! Question question...If you were a Panda, what would be the first thing you'd do?

-I started this, baka. I've been on here for ages. He hasn't.

I would kill everyone who decided to destroy all the bamboo trees that I eat, there by avenging my family.

Where the hell did that question come from?!

* * *

16. Ilana-walker  
2009-04-27 . chapter 8

Yo man Kanda ^^ (hi...*from bunny_lulu),

Okay first i have to say, cause i know you'll nag at my language i'm from germany and bilingual *i also speak arabic ^^*.  
My friend lulu and i decided to read yours and Allen-chans and we both think... öhm... don't kill us, couldn't you be nicer? it would be great if you would only say one sentence without "**" in it.

So to your writing skills, to be honest i think allen-chans is better than yours, lulu likes yours more...  
although she likes allen smiling she likes you more, i think she loves guys with bad mood... *she is not here in the moment so i can write what i want hahahaha*

okay u hate our i-net language why? i think it's funny really smt smtn *hahah it means sometimes and sometimes not ^^*  
okay and you dislike smiles? in what a ** planet you're living? o.O everyone uses smiles so it's oka isn't it?

And back to your storys they're a bit how can i say... "Kanda typisch" would we use in german ^^ mom have to look the english word up ^^ hehe ^^  
oh okay typically or generic xD

Hm... you dislike Allen so much why? Doesn't he have such a cute face and his body really great body really... and come on you defenetly have read one of those Yaoi storys and you will defenetly liked one of them also you'll deny it...

See Allen can write a bit Yullen also he dislike it he, is really sociall he cares about his readers wishes... you should to... otherwise you'll lose...

At least please don't cut your hair i like it the most at you...  
also you look a bit girlysch with this ponytail but hey it's Japanese styl *although allen is dressed british and looks awesome*...

' Hi I'm bunny-lulu,  
only have a few things to say 'kay at least these are three questions be honest okay

1. What type girl do you like?  
2. Are you really so good when it comes to sex or only boasting?  
3. Can i make your nails? *I love do peoples nails .

-Oh god, I am dreading this. LOOK at the amount of smilies…

No, I won't grate at you… Guten tag? And NO, I cannot be 'nicer'. What the hell, I am not a nice person. I won't change either. Live with it. Moyashi is just a cripple who says 'Kawaii desu' to things, like a mary-sue does.

How many people are you?! Well, I am glad at least one of whoever you are likes my writing more. I haven't got a bad mood!! I am just blunt and precise and not-fake!! I hope your friend sees what you have wrote!! Grrr!!

… It just looks like you have written a typo. 'Smt'?!?! No, everyone but I uses smilies. I find it stupid and unnecessary. And hey, there is nothing wrong with my writing!! Just so you know, I speak a little German. And French. And Arabic. Its just the characters (such as 'ss') wont work here. Also, I suck at foreign spelling.

HE IS NOT CUTE!! And where are you getting a really great body from?! He is weedy, like a Moyashi is!! And I will never read one. I have already been tricked into reading one; I HATED it. I care about the readers wishes. Its just… Yullen… uggh. I can't. Its against my beliefs.

I won't cut my hair. Moyashi dresses like someone who has little money but pretends that they have. Oh god, questions.

1. I would like girls who are quiet and know how to respect people, and that can fight and won't get in the way. No, not Lenalee, in case you were thinking that. But, I don't really like anyone. I am kind of asexual.

2. Hahah, I am a virgin (or am I? Think about it). I am just assuming I will be better than Moyashi, because I am better at fighting than him, and aren't they similar?

3. NO. What the hell?!?!

* * *

17. mana1134:

Well, this is very interesting...  
This is my sister's account by the way, but I just came here to see what my girlfriend's been reading on here...

I have to say, very interesting. Especially that last chapter there...hahaa!  
I have to say, I do kind of enjoy reading this whole questionnaire thing you've got going on here. Probably not ever coming back to read anymore but hey, it was nice stumbling across this one.

so...keep it up? :)

btw, my girlfriend's kiete/keyte [the grammar nazi that just sent you a whole page of corrections]and I'm, according to her in one of the reviews, her rapist friend. [we hooked up]  
Hm, I wonder what's going to be her reaction when she finds out about this..

-…With the same pristine grammar as your girlfriend, I see? How nice. You seem to be stalking your girlfriend by seeing what she is up to. She has been reading yaoi and flirting with Moyashi and also she is cheating on you with Lavi.

Pfft, as if.

WHAT?!! Don't enjoy it!! You're a _guy. GUY. _Keyte, seriously, this is your boyfriend, right?! THE RAPIST!?

I hope she sees this. 

* * *

….

….

….

People thought I wrote that yaoi scene good.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?

Aah, I can't be bothered. Whatever. I know Lenalee has some sort of party for me, so I am going to disappear now before she can get me.

-Kanda.

(Seriously, I really don't care about my birthday. SOMEONE FIX THE DAMN 'NETBOOK'.)

(PS: Lenalee has got me a present. I wonder what it is? Maybe I should just throw it away. Or burn it. Hmm…)


	11. GOD

Oi, Fangirls.

I am dead.

No, seriously.

Also, I am pissed.

Remember, I said something about my screen before? Well, I turned it on, and it went completely black, and made this high pitched noise. And now I have no screen, yet the 'net-top' makes the starting noise that sounds like annoying wind chimes, and I know everything is working _except for that fucking screen. _But the screen still makes the high pitched noise, which will not stop until you turn it off. What the hell is wrong with it?!

So, this is the first time I have managed to get online for ages. And, its in time slots, and I only have half an hour. _It sucks. _I can't write, I can't go online, nothing, because the screen is pitch black, and I do not know how to fix it. Nor can I be fucked to fix it.

So, unless you guys can think of an idea to help, what can I do??

I don't know when the next time I will be able to get online. It was hard enough to get online today, let alone at any time at all. Neither do I have time to answer back all of these PM's that I have got.

I don't want to ask for help, because I am not begging for the 'internet'.

Hopefully I'll get to write again, but for now, bye, I guess.

I win, Moyashi, by default. Yes, you bastard, you heard me.

_-Kanda._

_(PS: No, really, what do I do. Its not like I can write a story and mail it to you people.)_


End file.
